It is unfortunate that you'll probably never resolve your issues with mom. I bloviate, fume and rant to let off steam and to reduce the negative energy input around me. I try not to give anyone else the power to screw with my well-being. I hate to suggest this, but you have probably ingested your mother's stew of toxic crap for a long, long time, and it is certainly not helping your own health and well being .... and may be some part of your illness. We manifest outwardly what we can't detoxify internally, with all aspects of our essence, body, mind and soul...
Some people are a negative energy vortex that sucks the life out of those around them. George Gurdjieff, a Russian mystic and spiritual healer from early in the last century, called them psychic vampires.
An unrepentant serial abuser does not consider their actions as abuse. They feel justified, I suppose, in their self-serving and destructive attitude towards others as they lack a solid connection with their feeling center. I suspect the heart chakra is non operational, down for the count, dead by the side of the road in your N-A-Z-I mother.
You seem to be subjected to a full blast of the negative cesspool that swirls around mom. Like you said, no empathy, no compassion. It wouldn't surprise me if internalizing the crap from mom has really impacted your health.
But you can be the judge of how much effect this seeming emotional black hole in the middle of your life has on you. I suspect your are well aware of it, though.
One nice thing is that once you make peace within yourself about
the creature of darkness that is your mother in this life, you should be able disinfect and cauterize the wounds she has inflicted, and cast the the demon of negative energy back into the universe. (be gone, devil, I cast thee out!!!)
If something doesn't serve you anymore, get rid of it.
Ok, I've started preaching again. I shall step off the soap box.
I hope you know I am not presuming to offer this as a diagnosis on your physical illnesses and any possible health solutions, just an observation on your mother /daughter relationship from what you have related in your post.
IMO, there are some past life connections and karma at work here too (there always are in these situations as I understand the way things work) but many people don't believe in those notions, and they aren't necessary to accept as tangible or real to remove the influence of a festering human being from your spiritual body, past life connections or not.
If I have made an unwelcome observation, I apologize. This is only my opinion. Even recognizing the possibility of the 'infection that is your mother' may be helping to push you towards an early grave doesn't mean that healing will magically follow. However, taking the power she holds over you back, can't hurt.
I will offer this thought though too, (nasty mom not withstanding)..... that 'spontaneous healing' is very real and has happened to the most unlikely of people. Some very ill patients have beat the death sentence pronounced on them by their doctors and somehow they have believed themselves back to health. It's a mystery, for sure.
However, miracles do happen sometimes.
Post Edited (jazzer) : 11/20/2016 6:22:05 PM (GMT-7)