Chronic Pain and Pregnancy.

Hello Halez & welcome to the forum. You know we have discussed the issue many, many times over the years here in this forum. In all honesty we really never have been able to come up with a concrete solution. Some partners & spouses do understand & can handle it, however, some do not. Short of sitting that person down & explaining how you feel is a place to start.

A lot of us find that not letting our medical issues be the topic of any conversation. An example, my health problems are off limits for a conversation. I have been battling chronic pain nearly half of my life, many times I don't understand it, therefore, I do not expect anyone else to. I know I get sick of it at times, so I am not going to wear them out over it either. Everyone respects my wishes. Please understand, I am not in denial about all of my health issues either. My husband knows if I go lay down for a bit during the day, that means I need to take a break. I never talk about if I am having a bad day & not feeling well. What many of us run into is, people that do not have issues such as ours just cannot understand it as we do & I do not expect them to. I really wish there was a magic answer for all us .

And yes, with you being pregnant that brings on its own set of different types of aches & pain. With the help of a very good psychologist I learned how to navigate with my issues & dealing with other people. I found a lady that was great, she gave me so many different pointers when it came to so many different issues. I also learned that what other people think about me really doesn't matter, they are not the ones walking my path. If they were they would be keeping those thoughts to their self.

I can tell you are really bothered by this so please come here & vent any time you would like. We really are good listeners. Take care.

First, congratulations on the pregnancy. Second, congratulations on having a partner.

I take it that, prior to the pregnancy, you were able to accomplish most of what each day required and that now there are things causing limits. So, you may want to point out that your condition is temporary. Delivering a baby will bring it's own set of issues in the future which will affect your daily capabilities.

I like the 'spoons' explanation that has been shared with you. While I cannot tell you what to say, I can share with you my own experience.

My daughter and grandson (16) live with me, not because I need them to, they need me. We have a total of 9 pets at present and I garden this time of year. Sadly, most of the pet chores have fallen to me along with the 'regular' household and garden chores. I've had to unequivocably state that I am disabled, a fact that seems to be forgotten, apparently because I 'do' so much.

I tell them that each day presents with several 'battle fronts'. My physical 'front', my emotional 'front', my family 'front', etc. Some days I'm lucky enough to experience a 'truce' on one or more fronts. Some days I'm so battle weary that I just can't even pick up 'my sword' for one more skirmish. I've declared my 'day off' on occasion, reminded my housemates that I am NOT the only human in the house capable of opening the door for the cats or taking the dogs out for exercise, etc. I've learned to be content if the dishes are not washed right away, the rug isn't vacuumed, etc.

Perhaps you and your partner could sit down and discuss the expectations and how they are changing and will change even more once the baby is on the scene. Perhaps you could investigate how to get the chores accomplished in the meantime...hire a housekeeper perhaps? Or a local teenager to lend a hand with the things you can't get to yourself?

I hope things work out and you will post and let us know how things are going.