Uninvited, Unexpected Guest When You're In Severe Pain???

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Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2017
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 9/22/2017 3:10 AM (GMT -7)   

With my chronic pain & a plethora of other medical conditions, I don't usually feel like having "guests" in our home but especially at night when I'm already in my PJs. Last night, my husband's "friend from work" texted him as we were pulling into our subdivision, returning home from doing errands. This man's text said "Come outside. I have something for you." Both my husband & I exclaimed in surprise ,"Is he at our house now?" When my husband texted his friend back, sure enough he was waiting outside our home at about 8:35 pm (it is very dark by this hour)...he had never called or texted my husband about visiting...nothing. This man knows that I have chronic pain & illnesses, too. He also knows that both my husband and me go to bed relatively early like 9 pm or 9:30 pm. The purpose of this man's visit (he was NOT in the neighborhood & lives a 1 hour round trip drive away) was to give my husband a big bowl of homemade banana pudding (of course, this man made it especially for my husband, never mind me - the person with chronic pain & illness).

This same man calls & texts my husband whenever he feels like it and it is for things that are so unimportant to anyone I know. For example, a day or two ago, he texted, late evening, my husband asking a question about chipmunk traps. Not to provide TMI but my husband & me were attempting intimate relations so my husband didn't respond to his text. about 2 minutes later, this man then calls my husband; I assume because my husband never texted back immediately. My husband had forgotten to turn his phone off and I personally found the interruption distracting & very annoying.

This "friend" is completely being rude and overstepping the friendship boundaries, in my opinion. Am I overreacting because I'm in pain & feel like Hell?? I don't care if it's my friend or my husband's friend...I don't think any adult should just show up at night, when it's dark, uninvited & totally unexpected. He never even gave us a warning that he was coming. Personally, I don't show up to anyone's home uninvited & unexpected unless an emergency would occur. I don't feel home-made banana pudding qualifies as an emergency.

I find this "friend's" actions to be unnerving, very strange & a big interruption to "my quiet time." With this friend's unexpected/uninvited visits and texts & phone calls, I don't get the "quiet time" I need for myself or with my husband. He is like the SWAT team who could invade my home at any time !!! (Insert Sarcasm)

Is it me or him??? Opinions, comments & even questions are appreciated! Thanks much.

Post Edited (ChronicPain1970) : 9/22/2017 4:45:06 AM (GMT-6)

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 15294
   Posted 9/22/2017 4:22 AM (GMT -7)   
CP, does your husband feel the same as you about his friend? If so, then perhaps your husband should tell him that he needs to call prior to coming to the house. Your husband can also say to him we prefer no visitors after a certain time. Given he lives an hour away he may not even give it a thought about the time it would take to get to your house.

It's hard to visit with people when we do not feel well. It use to bother me when my husbands buddies would show up. However, they would usually end up in the garage & I would go to bed, lol. In the end I realized I made a bigger deal out of it than it really was. So being as I have been there & done that, I think you are over reacting some. If he was showing up multiple times a week that would be different, but I am not picking that up in your post.

One thing I have learned over the years is good friends are hard to come by. My husband has his little group of friends & I encourage him to have his guy time with them. I have some gals that I spend time with too. We also do have our group outings.

Keep in mind this guy had no clue what you all were doing the other night. And in the future turn the phones off for those times. That way no one can interrupt your evening. This man must think a lot of your husband to go to the trouble to make banana pudding. I save that for special occasions, lol.

Take care.
Moderator in Chronic Pain & Psoriasis Forums

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2015
Total Posts : 2177
   Posted 9/22/2017 6:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Aw! A Bromance!

I too dislike it when people 'stop by unannounced'. Unfortunately, not everyone was raised to respect other peoples' privacy and schedules.

Growing up, my mother made it very clear that no calls were to come in after 10 p.m. We had german shepherds that were quite good at keeping people on the other side of the fence, too!

That said, have you and your husband had a discussion yet about this? Are you on the same page?

Just because the 'friend from work' should be aware of your health concerns doesn't mean he 'gets it'.

P.S. I'm really sorry to hear your 'quality time' was interupted. That really stinks!
multiple surgeries for rotator cuff both shoulders with residual chronic impingement syndrome, ulnar nerve transposition, carpal tunnel release, multiple wrist surgeries, multiple herniated discs, tarlov cysts, whiplash, bursitis of hips, grade 5 right shoulder separation and torn labrum, ovarian cysts, fibroid tumors of the uterus

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2014
Total Posts : 2076
   Posted 9/22/2017 9:26 AM (GMT -7)   
With chronic pain, we need more quiet time than a lot of people do..

Others do not get it..and yes at times , its us being sensitive, and thats ok..

Mostly people think about themselves, he must be lonely, he may be trying to do something nice for you guys..but yes it would be good to not just show up .. if your husband agrees , maybe set some expectations...


Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2013
Total Posts : 1701
   Posted 9/22/2017 7:07 PM (GMT -7)   
You need to talk to your husband and see if he feels the same way you do. If he does. He needs to talk to his friend.

Is his friend married ? The reason I ask is it seems this man is lonely and that may be affecting his judgement. I'm not saying that is an excuse. Or that he should be allowed to continue to be inconsiderate. Just that there may be a sad reason for his lack of respect for his friends family time.
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