My misconceptions about what life would be like after chronic pain

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underthat
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2017
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 12/31/2017 4:34 PM (GMT -7)   
I lived with a painful joint condition for 7 years that was loosely diagnosed as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. My back, my neck, my hips, my butt, my knees, ankles, feet, toes, arms, hands, fingers, everything hurt constantly. Whether I was sitting, lying down, walking, exercising, whatever - my joints felt like they were being stabbed with burning needles. Nothing relieved the pain aside from Oxycodone, which I quickly realized the danger of after a severe withdrawal. There was no relief from this strange condition and it never got better over the years: long drives were agony, sitting in class in college was agony, going for short walks with my friends was agony, lying in bed at night was hell; it affected every facet of my life and the worst part was doctors had no answer for me.

Despite that, I put myself through college and went through the motions of having a normal life. I thought about and made half-hearted attempts at suicide occasionally, sometimes putting myself in the hospital, just wanting it to stop. It was unbearable. At a point, I began passing kidney stones due to the amount of naproxen that had built up in my system over the years; it was then that I realized just how unusual what I was going through was, since the kidney stones didn't hurt that much more than the rest of me did.

Finally, after seven years of seeing doctor after doctor, specialist after specialist, I received a treatment called myofascial trigger point release which gave me the first relief I'd ever felt. After a few sessions of only mild pain reduction, I took the matter into my own hands and began grinding out, with my fingers and knuckles, a series of large knots of muscle that had fused to my bones in nearly every joint in my body. After three weeks of this painful self-treatment, I had gone from 10/10 pain constantly, to 2/10 pain. And it didn't come back. Three years later and it still hasn't come back. It was nothing short of a miracle for me. I couldn't believe it.

And so began the pain-free life I had only dreamt of. But it wasn't really what I'd dreamt of. I mean, I could not have lived in that pain for another year - it had to go; I am infinitely more comfortable now and can do normal tasks and sleep soundly. However, a lot of the things I had blamed on the pain, as it turned out, had little to do with it. That's where the frustration comes in. I got weaker afterwards; a lot weaker. Socializing became more difficult, I felt no drive to do anything, I've found myself settling for the lowest paying jobs...I was stronger with the pain, in a lot of ways. It forced me to be present, attentive, to not make issues out of small annoyances. I felt wiser back then, and in the three years since I've pretty much been useless. And the thing is, and maybe those of you suffering from chronic conditions will understand this, nothing before or after chronic pain holds a candle to it. I feel like there will never be another mountain as tall. I got over it, I got my miracle, everything I had desperately prayed for (despite not being religious) and I just don't care enough to do anything with my life now.

I'm content. Most chronic pain conditions are never solved, most people go to their graves with them. I was one of the lucky few. And d%mn if I just don't give a d%mn about anything any more. I just want to shout, "%#*% yeah yahoo it's gone!" Anyone wants to point their finger at me, call me lazy, not driven? Well what do they know about unending physical agony. about what that does to you. about how I never even want to touch pain again.

I just want to ask, why didn't losing it make me stronger?

Annastazya
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2017
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 12/31/2017 10:49 PM (GMT -7)   
It’s could be that narcotics raise your serotonin level a bit acting as if you were taking a low dose antidepressant. Narcotics give some people a boost of energy by acting as such...just a thought.

straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 15525
   Posted 1/1/2018 6:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Underthat & welcome to the forum. After reading your story all I can say is, I think it is wonderful that you found something that works for you. When drs cannot come up with answers about medical issues the frustration of not knowing is every bit as bad as the unknown problems we can experience.

If this were me I would find myself a good psychologist to talk to. Talk therapy helped me so much. A lot of my problem was how I viewed many things & with her help I was able to change a lot of how I was looking at the big picture. Maybe this is something you will consider to help you turn your thoughts around.

Take care.
Susie
Moderator in Chronic Pain & Psoriasis Forums

pitmom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2015
Total Posts : 2229
   Posted 1/1/2018 1:22 PM (GMT -7)   
You've lost your mission, your passion. The 'let down' is real. Recuperation takes time. There is always another mountain. You are just 'in the valley' at the moment.

Many of us here like to garden. They physical part of it is challenging. The battle against weeds and pests, insect or 4 legged, can also be a challenge. The rewards are either fresh foods that help in our other battlefront or flowers that can help uplift the soul.

Something will relight the spark. Be open to trying new things.
multiple surgeries for rotator cuff both shoulders with residual chronic impingement syndrome, ulnar nerve transposition, carpal tunnel release, multiple wrist surgeries, multiple herniated discs, tarlov cysts, whiplash, bursitis of hips, grade 5 right shoulder separation and torn labrum, ovarian cysts, fibroid tumors of the uterus
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