You can only do what you can do. You live in your body and know it best. Trust your intuitions and listen to your inner voice.
I was a busy and engaged little gal until the looming shadow of chronic illness caught up with me. I worked for Accenture/Arthrur Anderson as a consultant, a high pressure position. My endocrine conditions, invisible to the outside world, had been taking a toll. My body compensated for years beyond what was reasonable . . . until it could no longer.
It was like I was on the freeway of life, traveling down the thoroughfare at 65 mph with the greater populace. And then fragile health dictated that I take an off-ramp exit.
That was then. This is now.
The best that any of us can do is to do the best that we can. Listening to the body that is our own.
I get up each morning and out both feet on the ground. Some days, this is a major accomplishment in itself.
As a physical therapist, I worked with individuals who had sustained severe head and spinal cord injuries. The worst of the worst. Lives shattered in an instant. My own brother is a brain cancer survivor. These experiences temper my own relationship with myself as I wade through my own compelling health issues. Compassion for self is a must.
I would encourage you to begin
open and honest dialogue with your husband. It sounds as though you have a marriage and relationship that is genuine in care for one another.
One thing I regret is not asking more directly for what I have needed from my nuclear family. I hide the depths of my struggles, keeping an outward appearance and tempo that I was A-OK - when I obviously was not. My family kept hoping upon hope that I would “get better.” I had made it through ICU stays where the prognosis was grim. It created a certain expectation that I would always be able to marshall through.
We each reach our personal limit, at some point. It is less any single health issue that has deflated me. It is more the cumulative weight of multiple health issues and the sustained slog through the years. We all experience this, to one degree or another. It becomes more difficult to reclaim our baseline with each health hiccup.
Life may now be different for you and your husband then you would want or intend it to be.
Do not shy away from conversation and dialogue with your husband. In sharing, there comes the humanness that sustains us. In sharing, common ground is to be found. Be
open to each other’s experience.
I have recently been told that my intestinal fragility is not something that I will recover from. There is an expiration date. It is not expected to be immediate, but it is defined.
I do not feel sad. I was not surprised by the discussion with my Palliative Care team.
It does make me want to express to members here the fragility of life. Say what you need to say to those that you love. Live your with no regrets. Live your authentic life. You get but this one life. No second acts. Enjoy it as best as you can.
Pituitary failure, wide-spread endocrine dysfunction
Mixed connective tissue disorder
Extensive intestinal perforation with sepsis, permanent ileostomy
Avascular necrosis of both hips and jaw
Receiving Palliative Care (care and comfort)
Post Edited ((Seashell)) : 4/25/2019 12:58:47 PM (GMT-6)