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Chronic Pain
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Posted 1/8/2023 3:24 PM (GMT -8)
I have been in chronic pain for the past 10 years but its gotten much worse in the last 2. I have 20 screws in my back on a failed surgery and a pain pump. I know my wife means well but every time she goes to her mothers she comes back with ideas on how to fix me. She adores her mother and her mothers word is as good as gold in her eyes but its very frustrating to deal with. I know her mother means well too but neither have a clue about what I am going through.
I just got the pain pump and they haven't figured out the proper dose yet so my pain is not managed hardly at all. I respond well to oral medications but they might as well be plutonium with how difficult it is to find a doctor willing to prescribe them. So I spend a lot of time laying down. I do all I can around the house and work through the pain just so I am somewhat helpful around here and then I have to lay down for hours afterward.

Her most recent visit to her mother she came home with ideas on how I am going to strengthen my core which will somehow help my spinal cord and nerve endings from screaming at me. I told her it might help some but my pain isn't muscular and it doesn't matter if I am just sitting, laying down, walking or lifting things my back is killing me so I don't see how my core is going to help but she kept going on and on about it so I just told her I was done with the conversation for now and left it at that.

I don't know what to do about this situation. Its just frustrating because I have tried everything to help with the pain and I dont know how I am even supposed to start walking and exercising when I am at my limit just doing housework. What do I do? What do I say?

Post Edited (HomeBass) : 1/8/2023 3:27:13 PM (GMT-8)

Posted 1/9/2023 9:52 AM (GMT -8)
Hi HomeBass, I think many of us have had to deal with well meaning spouses, family members & friends all wanting to assess our lives & give input on how we can miraculously become almost normal again. They mean well, they just have no idea what they are talking about.

From the sound of things with a failed surgery & ending up with a pain pump you have a lot of long standing health issues. When did you get the pump implanted? It does take time to get a person to the correct dosage & setting to help with the pain. A pump can be a very effective tool for pain. You will not be pain free but will be able to have a better quality of life.

Considering the surgery not working out so well, it could be that your wife is thinking the pain pump is suppose to turn things around much faster. Keep in mind you will still have restrictions no matter what. Does your wife ever go to the dr with you? If not, perhaps at your next appt take her with you & ask the dr to explain to her that you can't just get up & do exercises that someone read about somewhere. Don't be shy about doing this either. Perhaps if she hears this from the dr she will understand things better.

Don't give up & if you find yourself getting upset, go outside & get some fresh air. Sometimes just going outside & breathing can calm a person down.

Take care.
Posted 1/9/2023 2:31 PM (GMT -8)
Good luck with the pump. My friend has one but also gets twice a day breakthrough medication I think it's hydromorphone.
I've been on everything but entered a trial of buprenorphine and thank God it works for me because getting opioid medication is a sick joke these days. Government scared them off of most prescription s

Glen
Posted 1/30/2023 9:40 AM (GMT -8)
Exercising can do a lot to help chronic pain. But, the information regarding this is not specific to individuals that have had surgeries for the issues that are causing them pain. In order to know what is best for you and your body. You need to talk with your doctor. Ask him if he thinks physical therapy might be of help to you. Take your wife with you to these appointments. That way she can share with her mother what your doctor said

I know it is frustrating when loved ones try and help. Look on the bright side. You are loved and cared for. You Are Blessed! There are so many people now days that live alone and are isolated for various reasons.
Posted 2/20/2023 9:03 AM (GMT -8)
Hi Homebass,

Yes if free advice was of any use I would be doing backflips now!!! People mean well but chronic pain is different from short term acute pain. Also spine pain and fusion surgeries are difficult to rebound from.

I have decided to go to Spines R US and get a new cervical section and let my wife install it for me. Maybe you can get your mother in law to install yours!!!

Sorry just a but of humor to help make the day better

Best of luck
Posted 3/13/2023 12:56 PM (GMT -8)
Yes they mean well and I understand where my wife is coming from. She thinks just another surgery will fix it.
I've had surgery then countless nerve blocks and ablations which over time made it worse.
Opiate medication is great for some but the DEA and Washington screwed that up to a point of FUBAR now like you said it's like getting plutonium. I've been very lucky because buprenorphine works for me and it's openly prescribed thank God.
Not quite as good as regular Mu agonist opioids but it's low tolerance is great.
Hate to say it again but exercise even smaller amounts add up and help overall pain and mood.
I've worked up from barely five minutes on the elliptical machine to half an hour.
Slow small bits can be done. I know it's hard but please give it a shot even a couple of minutes

Glen
Posted 3/18/2023 7:35 AM (GMT -8)
I very much identified with and understand your perspective, at least your words strike a familiar cord with me and I have visible damage to my spinal cord for which my pain was blamed for nearly 20 years.

What I came to understand was that, not only did others not have the answers. . .neither did I or my doctors. We are ignorant as a species as to how we are built and function and this is evidenced by the ongoing research with the endocannabinoid and fascial systems, not to mention how few people are helped by pain management.

What I can tell you for certain is that pain medicine will not help you to get better. It will allow you to sit around and get worse. The pain you are experiencing, IMHO, is your body telling you that you need to behave differently. Taking pain medicines will only try to mask that message. I know that is hard to hear and you likely wont accept it. . .I learned the hard way myself. Pain is a message. Your body is not telling you to sit down, give up and numb yourself, so what do you think the message might be?

With all respect and well-meaning to you,
Steve
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