Hi Crystal -
I know what you are saying! I was in a car accident nearly 2 years ago - I was always hoping to get better. When they labled it chronic I refused (and sometimes still) to believe it. I know that the pain and the medications have really taken a toll on me especially when it comes to memory!
I had an appointment last month with a new Doctor and I wanted him to be able to see me as I really am, minus any pain meds. My appointment was at one and by the time we were on our way there, the pain was so bad I chewed up two Vicadon, hoping it would make them work faster. The entire day I stayed in horrible pain, I couldn't sleep that night because f the pain and most of the next day and a massage later - all because I let the pain get that bad. My Doctor had told me from day one to stay in front of the pain and boy was he right!
I know you would prefer not to be on them - as would most of us would but I try to be thankful I have them becuase I know my life would be A LOT worse without them!