This is the first chat room I have ever been in, so I hope I am doing this right. I am replying to this post because it is so wonderful to hear that other people are experiencing the same thoughts and feelings that I have had for so long. I have chronic back pain, both from an accident and then from the " dreaded back surgery " that is supposed to make you free from " pain. " What a joke! If anyone notices, it is 1:00 in the morning now, I will be up until 3 o'clock or later. Can't sleep unless I take my antidepressant, one benedryl and 5mg of melatonin. This will knock me out, which is the only way I can sleep. I am not on any narcotic at the moment, just cymbalta and lyrica. That is why I replied, I take 60mg of cymbalta because my depression was so bad, that I would just stay in the house, in my chair, all day. I never wanted to go anywhere, do anything or visit with anyone. I never called my family or my friends, I had nothing to say that I had not said a thousand times before, I HURT AND I FEEL WORTHLESS. People who do not have constant pain have no clue to understanding your feelings.
They really don't want to hear it, I am sure that were things reversed I would probably feel the same way. I cannot even remember what it was like to feel good. This has been going on since 1995, I cannot work anymore because I cannot sit at a desk for any length of time. I was an excellent secretary, I loved my job, I was good at something and proud of myself. I used to read at least 4 books a week, I was an artist and loved my time I had to draw or paint. Now I cannot read a book for some reason, I think it is because you have to get in a comfortable position to read and that is something I have trouble accomplishing. So I can relate to everything you have written, I hated myself for not wanting my family around, most of the time I didn't even want my husband in the house with me. But......I saw an ad for cymbalta, and decided to ask my neurologist if I could take that, and then I asked for Lyrica, because I had researched that. Funny, but my neurologist had nothing to offer me, when I first came to him, but, to see pain management clinics for narcotics for pain. Been there, done that......they gave one pain pill and 300 mg of neurontin. Nothing. After years of trying to find a pain clinic that really tried to ease your pain, I finally gave up and decided I can't stand doctors anymore.
So, with this new guy, the neurologist, I just asked for the meds that I hoped would work, and he prescribed them for me. But, he went one step further, and prescribed 6400 mg of neurontin a day, and 60 mg of cymbalta. I do not hate anyone anymore, I actually walk around outside and work in the flower beds, I can bend a little bit more, I can sit a little straighter, and I am not screaming from nerve pain in my back anymore, I still hurt constantly, but the heavy dose of neurontin and the antidepressant seemed to work together to make life just a little bit better. I like myself again, and I actually read a book the other day.......So, please think about maybe what you feel like you need, or what you think might help you get past this low place in your life, and ask some doctor to let you try it, keep going until you find one who will listen to you.......this is usually very difficult, because I wonder if some of them even realize they are dealing with real live people. But keep looking and asking questions until you find something that helps you.....don't be afraid to ask. ,