Posted 8/29/2007 2:05 AM (GMT -6)
I have been reading posts all day and so many of you have the same problems I do.
My pain started when I was a teen ager. I am 46 now.
I would have arm or leg pain for seemingly no reason. I rememeber my Dr. came out to my house and gave me a shot of some pain med because my arm hurt. We never found out why.
I have always been overweight. I am almost 6 ft tall and have been that tall since 6th grade.
In my teens I developed headaches and agoraphobia/anxiety and panic attacks.
I quit school because I couldnt handle it all. I was almost sent to a foster home because the counselor told my mom I was nothing but a trouble maker. Somehow my mom didnt do it. Thank God.
Because of my anxiety and panic I started my own cleaning business at 19. It was easy because I didnt have to deal with many people during the day. I did that for 18 years +.
My family Dr. told me to get out of the business because it was too hard on me and I was developing arthritis.
I was uneducated so I still cleaned and had a newspaper job. I lived at home till I was 32 with my mom. I met and married my husband at 33 and have been married since.
I have 1 12 year old daughter.
In my last years of cleaning houses I fell. It was like one of those falls in the movies. My legs when out from under me and I landed on my neck and back on the steps. I never went to the Dr. But ever since then my neck has hurt. It started slowly. The air conditioning inthe car would trigger pain. My period would trigger pain. I would have a bad flair up 3 to 4 times a year. As the years went by my pain flairs increased. I started on my first pain medicine Hydocodone when I was 20 something.
Now Im 46. I am in constant pain. It took me years to get the pain medicine I am on now. Drs. would not believe me. I was called a drug seeker etc. I am on 50 mg oxycontin timed released. Oxycodone for breakthru.
zanaflex and kolonapin.. I have only been on those for the last 3 years. All those years I suffered and was in the ER a lot. Waiting for some help . Suffering and it seemed like they took as long as they wanted to get me in to see a DR. after all pain wont kill you Right? HUH!
I have ruined the life of those around me. My husband doesnt have a wife. My daughter doesnt have a mom.
I dont have a life. I cant work and have been denied Social Security 4 times.
I believe that all the years of untreated pain has made me so much worse than I would have been with some help and compassion.
I also have almost constant headaches. IBS, Pain in my arms especially around my period. I am in peri menopause and have my hormones totally messed up. I have ostio arthritis in my back, wrist knees and back. I have scoliosis. Im sure I spelled that wrong..... crooked spine.........I have been told I have fibromyalgia. I ache all over about half the month like I have the worst flu of my life.
I cant do cleaning around my house without a bad pain flair and even fun things like camping are almost out of the question. I have ruined many a trip somewhere because I hurt....
What is the worst is that the Drs. dont believe me and I try so hard not to take pain medicine. It constipates me really bad and I am developing an ulcer from it. I hate it so much but I hate the pain even more. I cant take anti inflamitory medicines because of my stomach.
I am sad all the time. My friend, Not sure you can really call her a friend, doesnt have a clue about what I am going through.
I see a counsleor 1 time a month. My insurance wont let me see one more often. He is great but 1 time a month is a joke.
I feel so alone. I wanna die. I really do... My daughter is the only thing that keeps me going. She needs me.
Even if I am only 1/4 of what I could / should be.
Im not sure if reading all of your posts has helped me to day. Its like it has only brougt my reality into a clearer focus.
I hate my reality.
There is so much more to tell. Maybe later.
Thank you if you read what I wrote.