Lost my house today, graduated, and am so tired of life

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Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 169
   Posted 9/21/2007 9:14 PM (GMT -6)   
Well, I have officially lost the last thing I had to my name: my house. The sheriff's sale was today. Today was also my graduation day from my third degree program. I was trying to advance my nursing education so I could get out of bedside nursing. A very bittersweet day, although, really no one congratulated me about graduating although my whole family knew it was today. Why is it that I have no one in my life that cares about anything??? I can't even remember the last time I had a boyfriend or even just a friend who could talk to me and would be happy for me finishing my program. It took me 2 years to finish, and it was very long and intense, esp since this whole past year I have been battling cancer. Nobody gives a rat's patootey.

I am just tired of life. Today was exhausting. Going first thing in the morning to take my 5 y.o. son to the doctor. Waited 2 HOURS just to get him in the office, and then he was in there for less than 3 minutes. I was so PO'd. He has several problems, but before you can finish saying one sentence when they ask "So what seems to be the problem today?" they already cut you off. Sigh. I basically have to raise my voice to get him to shut up so I can talk about the other problems. He's had GERD (reflux) his whole life, since he was a baby and he has been off medication since about 2 years old. But lately his symptoms have been rearing their head again, and he constantly complains of belly pain, lost his appetite, vomits, etc. I feel so bad for him. When I asked to put him back on Priloesec, his doc had a fit. Docs usually do when a nurse tries to suggest a med. Well, I'm sorry for being a nurse, but my son was on this med before and it WORKED. Gee, I guess I shouldn't ASK MY SON'S PEDIATRICIAN FOR A MEDICATION THAT USED TO WORK, HUH? Actually, this guy I saw today wasn't really his regular doc. His regular doc is out on medical leave cause his wife has cancer. Today's waste of time in the doctor's office reminded me why I DON'T MISS WORKING WITH DOCTORS. Especially the ones who like to Act like Gods of the Universe. Sigh.

So after wasting nearly 3 hours at the doctor's for 4 minutes, tops, I had to head to the pharmacy. I tried to walk throught the store, but midway to the pharmacy, I was crying I was in so much pain. So I had to head back to the front of the store where they have the scooters. I got all my stuff transferred and then got into the scooter. What a difference. Pain dropped from a 10 to a 6, tolerable. I was so sweaty, and my body is so swollen everywhere. Of course, by the time I get back toward the pharmacy, along comes a older couple who proceeds to ask why I am "messing around" with equipment meant for "disabled people". May son is with me, of course, and he was just staring at them. I looked terrible...swollen everywhere, including my face, black under eyes, sweating profusely, pale as casper the ghost, short of breath, you get the picture. Look like I've been run over by a mack truck.

What I wanted to say to those people I couldn't say with my son present. I told them not all disabilities are visible to the naked eye, and went off. Why, of why, are people so cruel??? You know, I was picked on my whole life. Mocked in high school, heck, made fun of since grade school. Had food thrown at my face/hair as I walked home from school, pushed, spit on, tripped, stuff written on locker, and of course heard the nice comments as well. Growing up was hell, and being an adult has been no better. Spent years in an abusive marriage, being hit, punched, choked, tied down, and other horrible things I've tried like hell to forget. And just when I found a nice place to work, I started getting threats from my boss, a nurse who was stealing narcotics accused ME of stealing, so I was suspended. It took a month of investigations to figure out it was her and NOT me. And why was I accused? Well, because I have a back injury of course, and I gave out the most narcotics (I get punished for medicating my patients well??!!!???), so I MUST be stealing them for myself. So a month of horrible stress ensues, and then I find out I have cancer. Now I am broke, in pain 24/7, and have so many medical problems I may as well be 80 years old. I am disheartened, miserable, and exhausted. Why is life so great for some, and so miserable for others?

I mean, look at all these people in Hollywood who make millions. They waste money like it's going out of style, and they take their perfect health for granted. Yet we have hard-working factory workers, miners (who give their lives sometimes), military who are forced to leave their children and their families, and a bunch of other people who work their whole lives for what most of these celebrities spend on alcohol in a night at a club. It's just so unfair.

Well, I'll shut up. My mind is just running non-stop, and I have had the most awful day, on a day that should make me proud for finishing another program. Instead I am homeless, carless, friendless, and in pain all the time, fighting for my life. I just needed to vent I guess. I feel like 99% of America doesn't understand how much us chronic pain patients suffer, and basically think we're all a bunch of loser drug-addicts who are just lazy and would rather sit at home than work. And I bet not one of us here would choose that, but that's how we are portrayed, and the media and the politicians just don't give a &#*!. What a life.
DX: DDD, DJD, HNP L2-S1, OA, OP, intractable pain, severe asthma, COPD, migraines, endometriosis, uterine ca, PCOS, metabolic syndrome, chronic epstien-barr virus, fibromyalgia, depression, anxiety, PTSD, avoidant personality disorder, social phobia, SLE, connective tissue disorder

MEDS: MS Contin 100mg q 6; MSIR 30mg q 6 PRN; Celebrex 200mg QD; Actiq 600mcg q 6 PRN; Lamactil 25mg BID; Klonopin 0.5mg BID, Cymbalta 60mg QD;
Ventolin 2 puffs q 6; Advair 500/50 one puff q 12, Multivitamin

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9157
   Posted 9/21/2007 10:06 PM (GMT -6)   

Giant HUGS! Please call your local Red Cross. Their reason for existence is to help people in troubled times like what you're going thru now. Please call....you will get help.

Co-Mod Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
Fibromyalgia, Ulcerative Colitis, Insulin dependent diabetic, collapsed disk, dermatitis herpetiformus, osteo arthritis in spine and other locations.

The only difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has it's limits. Albert Einstein: (1879-1955)

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 183
   Posted 9/22/2007 3:15 AM (GMT -6)   
rehabnurse---Congrats on your graduation from the third degree nursing program.The fact that you were successfull despite all the physical and financial roadblocks thrown in your path, proves that not only are you bright but one heck of a fighter. Good going....May God Bless You and your Children.Sorry to see about your house problems. I hope the Red Cross can help you.Take care......Rod

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 2765
   Posted 9/22/2007 3:30 AM (GMT -6)   
I usually post on the Crohn's and Ostomies sections and was scrolling by when your topic caught my eye. I'm so sorry that you've been having to deal with so many problems all at once. sad
My heart goes out to you, and I will keep you in prayer.

I work at a church, and we help people everyday with food, rent, bills, and have even given away cars that were donated to us by members of the congregation. All you have to do is call some of the churches in your town and tell the Receptionist that you would like to meet with one of the pastors, or just stop in to meet with one of them. They are there to talk to you and help you.

Also, as Chutz recommended, the Red Cross is there to help you, and so is the United Way, the Salvation Army, the Department of Health and Human Services, and many other organizations.

Please keep in touch with your doctors and tell them what's going on, so they can help you, too. You have your son who loves you very much, so you are not alone, and he needs you to be strong for him.

Big (((HUGS))) and best of luck to you, and most of all, CONGRATULATIONS on your degree!!
Dx'd w/ Crohn's in '99 at age 28. Proctocolectomy and ileostomy in '06.
Pain-free, med-free, and very thankful to be healthy again :)

Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/22/2007 8:23 AM (GMT -6)   

I agree with Chutz and following posters

I also have worked in a Church and food bank where we helped out those in need
Many that come in were 2 income families that just could not make it ..........

Red Cross is great here in Canada..........

I am so proud of you for Graduating

YOU know you have FRIENDS here...............

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Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 16597
   Posted 9/22/2007 3:35 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello Rehab Nurse,
A great big hug & congrats is coming your way. I think its absolutely awesome what you have done and the obstacles you overcame to do this. You are truly an inspiration to many of us here at HW. You give hope to others when they see what you have accomplished under grueling and stressful circumstances. Yes, you are quite the fighter, I am not sure if you realize how much fight you have in you, lol. But, you see we are a unique group of people who can endure a little more than the average joe.
The fact that you have furthered your education at one of the worst times in your life is incredible, but yet you managed to do it. Not many could have undertaken that task.
I know it hurts losing the house. I had to give up 2 homes due to different circumstances and it was so disheartening to have to sell the houses. But you know what, I got over it when I reminded myself it was just a material thing, those can be replaced at another time, it was ok.
You just hang in there and worry only about the kids & yourself. Above all take things a day at a time. Once I learned that, I have handled alot of things better. It was eating me alive trying to worry about everything at one time. Like I said, I have handicapped plates on my car, walk with a cane and carry oxygen and those old blue hairs give me the evil eye every time.lol
Please try to relax some this weekend and enjoy the kis. Hugs, Susie                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 763
   Posted 9/23/2007 10:32 AM (GMT -6)   

If yu need help I have mentioed this group before . They can also give you advice or other people you can talk to .Click on the state you live in and contact one of those officese near to you


Syringomyelia T4-T10
Chiari Malformation
Decompression Surgery 1999


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