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Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 610
   Posted 11/28/2007 12:12 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm sorry if this is off topic from chronic pain, but as a person who suffers from chronic pain I was hoping for some advise. I have been taking pain meds for over 5 years now for severe lower back pain and have felt like I never had a 'problem' with taking narcotics cause I know I need them to contol my pain and give me a better quality of life so I can take care of my kids. I am on disability for the pain and depression thats come along with it. Well I am having alot of problems with family not understanding especially my father. This morning I asked him if he would help me pay for a doctor's visit I had yesterday for a ear and sinus infection so I wouldnt have to spend my christmas money, and he freaked out on me. He called me a drug addict( eventhough they didnt prescribe me any narcotics, just antibiotics) and threatened to take away my children. I dont know what made him suddenly start saying these things. He's done this before but I feel like I've had enough of it, I know I dont deserve to be told this stuff, if anybody should feel I have an issue with addiction it should be my pain specialist and he's never mentioned ANYTHING to me. I have no problems personally just cutting off all communication with my father but the problem is is that my kids love him to death especially my son, he's the only male role model in his life. But I really feel that I cant be around him anymore, he's been treating me like garbage since I was a little child. It's just that I dont know what do to. He always accuses me off stealing his money when I have never stolen a thing in my life and especially would never steal from loved ones.
       Well anyways, the question I'm asking is if anyone else here has a similar problem or could tell me what I should do. I have to do something but I dont want to hurt my kids. thank you for listening.

New Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 11/28/2007 2:11 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm usually a lurker here but....I'm sorry that your dad is treating you this way.
That is the reason that no one in my family knows that I take pain meds. There are only two good friends(who also have cp) that know.

I guess you could tell him your doc took you off of them...if you could get away with that.
The better choice would be to tell him 'look, I don't deserve this and if you want to see your grandkids your going to have to refrain from insulting and accusing me..' I know, that's easier said than done. Or you could educate him on pain management and explain to him that you are dependent, not addicted. Maybe your pm doc talk to him? Sorry, I'm just rattling off the first things that come to mind. Hopefully, someone else will come along with a gret idea. Family relationships are never black and white and never seem to have a simple solution.

Take care and good luck.~Mush

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9249
   Posted 11/28/2007 3:19 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Kitty,

Unfortunately your father has put you in a miserable situation but it's up to you to end it. I too have been on pain meds for a long time and like Mush I don't tell my family except hubby and 2 kids. Others wouldn't "get it".

Now that you're in a position to choose...I would bid dad farewell. Your children will understand that he's being mean to mommy and you prefer not to listen to him mean words. End of story. Dad has been runny you around most of you life...right? You are the only one who can put a stop to it. What's to say that he won't start treating your children rotten as they get a bit older. Often when someone like him, who is a control freak - because that's what that type of comments do - starts to lose control they often just get louder and meaner. Don't tolerate it.

Hugs and keep us posted...
Co-Mod Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
Fibromyalgia, Ulcerative Colitis, Insulin dependent diabetic, collapsed disk, dermatitis herpetiformus, osteo arthritis in spine and other locations.

The only difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has it's limits. Albert Einstein: (1879-1955)

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 495
   Posted 11/28/2007 4:21 PM (GMT -6)   
Kitty - I really feel your pain. I know many many chronic pain people have to make a choice - to be honest - or to be left alone. I can't think of anyone I know - except the people here - who get what chronic pain is. Who understand how it can take over your life at times. People seem to better understand a tooth ache - a broken leg - a migraine - than living in pain every second of every hour of every day.

I can say I'm not "in" your situation. I have a very supportive husband - who tries his best to understand - our friends know and understand (the best they can) - and family. BUT none of them hear much of my pain. I keep most of it inside. I still remember when I way over did things trying to keep up with my mother-in-law and her husband - I was in pain and just kept pushing through - until finally - I went to the bathroom and cried - my husband had asked over and over - "are you okay" and I kept saying I was fine. Finally when I said I was in pain - his response was "Wow, you must be in bad shape if you admit it to me".

The one thing I can relate to is abuse. I may be jumping the gun here - but I'm sure this isn't the first time he's freaked out on you. This isn't the first time he's gone off the deep end and called you names. The thing is babe, your dad is verbally and emotionally abusing you. Thats the blunt way of putting it. Even if it's only a once a week, month, or year thing, it's still harmful. If your children hear that it's even worse. It causes them to start thinking thats the way life is - thats the role that "dads" play. Thats a "male role model". You say he's the only male figure they have, but if he's treating you like that wouldn't it better for them to grow up without one than with a bad influence?

Staying for them - is going to hurt them. Please no one jump me for the comparison - but it's like an abused wife staying with a husband who beats her - because he's never hit the children. Eventually - he WILL lash out at the children. People like him who cannot keep their emotions, rage, temper, and opinions in check are poison. It seeps in slowly - and you don't know until it's too late the damage that's been done.

From a person who was physically, emotionally, and verbally abused as a child, I tell you get out while you can. I've seen all to well what growing up around that can lead to... and believe me - even if he never says a word within hearing distance of your kids - I'm sure they know.
"When we come to the edge of the light we know, and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, of one thing we can be sure; either God will provide something solid to stand on... or we will be taught to fly.'"

"Cause when push comes to shove You taste what you're made of, You might bend, till you break Cause its all you can take; On your knees you look up Decide you've had enough, You get mad you get strong Wipe your hands shake it off, Then you Stand" From "Stand" by Rascal Flatts
Dx.: Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, Ulcerlative Colitis, Chronic Inflammation of the Colon, Ruptured & Fused L4-L5-S1 w/pinched nerves, Degenerative Disc Disease, Chronic Costochondritis, Back Muscle Spasms, Asthma, Benign Tremmors (hands)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 4305
   Posted 11/28/2007 4:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Oh man I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this. I all so have had problems with same issue as well.My dad takes pain meds do to chronic pain and he understands,but it was my ex-husband that did not get it.I would get yelled at all of the time he call me some really nasty names and one time he told me that I was a discrace to every one and I was nothin but a drug junkie and yes it hurt and this was a contante thing with I was tolkd that he wanted out because he was sick of having a sick wife.I was in shock and it did hurt but you knw what I look back on it know and I am so much better off with out him.I would surgest that you talk to your dad and tell him that you don't like it when does that to you and that if there was one insadent that you will have no other choice but to cut ties with him.If this doesn't help then you might want talk to him and ask him to go to your pain doctor do that he can see for his self what the different is between addicted verses depended.I hope that you can get this worked out with your dad.

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