Living in pain and off work with kids

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Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 29
   Posted 12/8/2007 1:43 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi guys,
 Have not worked in 6 years do to an accident wich I shattered a vertabra in my back. I live in constant pain and worry the effect this has on my teenage sons.I pray and hope that seeing their dad laying around not doing much and living on disability pension does not make them lazy. I want them to have a job and contribute to society.
Does me not working set a bad example?
How does seeing their dad in pain affect them?
I always wanted to set a good example for them and I feel like I have failed my family.

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 12/8/2007 10:26 PM (GMT -6)   


Hello Dictionary:

I just read your post and just thought I would chime in and lend my 2 cent's ( probably all it is worth LOL)

stop beating up on yourself my friend their are some things in life inwhich we as humans have little to NO control over

accidents and consuming terrible diseases are certainly one. of them all we can do is trust the Doctors knowledge and do what they reccomend and demand proper and humane pain control and continue continuing on with life the best we can with what we have

I'am certain that having your kids see you suffering is hard on them as it is hard on anyone we care about suffering but I would think that them seeing you cope with this pain on a hourly bases shows your stregnth of character in such adversity and nothing more and about be lazy man disability physically limite's us that is why they call it a DIS ability not a ability

Believe me I know how when our bodies turn on us and make us suffer most of us living with chronic daily pain all know this You are not lazy buddy and neither am I or the rest of us and if anyone passes judgement and say s or thinks that they are just mis informed or ignorant and who care s what they say or think and they would change their tune if anything happened to them

So their you go my 2 cents


Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 4305
   Posted 12/9/2007 1:58 AM (GMT -6)   
I first off want to welcome you to the forum,we are glade that you found but sorry that you are having to deal with all off this pain and believe me when I say that we all know were you are coming from.

Bob is dead righ on what he had to say and I so agree with him.while I can understand your concerns for your teen age boy's but you have to remember that you have a medical condition that keeps you from working.

I would like to say this;sat both of your son's down and tell them how you feel and I bet that both of them would tell you that you have not failed them and they understand as to why you are not able to working.

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 58
   Posted 12/9/2007 2:56 PM (GMT -6)   
Welcome Dictionary: I too would like to welcome you to the place. I know exactly how you feel! When I became unable to work I had two kids still in college and one in middle school. One has since graduated from college. All my life I was a very active and physical person but that was not only taken from me, it was taken from my family as well. The days of hiking and wadding streams fly fishing are over. But you know what? I am still me who still loves his family and my family still loves me. We are just at a different stage in our lives. The crisis over me being on extreme pain killers was the hardest for my family to deal with. All of us here were really ignorant about chronic pain and pain control. There is a definite stigma when it comes to taking pain drugs which is sadly well founded in many cases. I am sure your kids remember the old you. I however got to do much more with my older two. We have to learn to adapt to our new way of life and make the very best of it. Read Romans 8:28, I believe it with all my heart. There are many things we can no longer do but there are also many thing we can still do. Some may even be new. When days are good make the best of it. I do things that I know I will pay for it but it is always worth it. When your kids see you doing the very best you can it will motivate them to do and to be very best they can. One of mine has even changed his future plans of being a design engineer to an orthopedic surgeon. Don't let this get you down! I know this can be an almost overwhelming feeliing at times but we have to make the decision to snap out of it. Many times when I wake up I can go either way. Not dwelling on the past but concentrating on the positives and the possibilities for the future usualy snap me out of it. I have made many new friends since my injury. If I don't show up at the gym or wherever, they call and check on me. Gotta go, time to eat. I love pot roast. I've rambled long enough anyway. Have a Blessed Day!

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 29
   Posted 12/9/2007 6:08 PM (GMT -6)   

Thanks everone for your support. I seen a phyco years back and he also told me to focus on the positive not the negative, so I should Know this but every once in a while I slip rite back into the depression.

I guess its the isolation, I really need to get out and volunteer or something. The pain however always seems to bring me rite back to lieing flat watching TV.

My kids are at that teenage age where they should start thinking about their future work, but my kids do not have a clue what they want to do. Of course the depression is there and I start blameing myself.

I do feel better after reading your posts guys thanks.


Forum Moderator

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9258
   Posted 12/10/2007 1:09 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi and welcome!

Since you obviously have a computer you can do a lot with those kids...and yourself. Online classes are available at all community colleges and other institutions. You can show them ideas for careers. Instead of the TV try your computer to broaden your and their worlds.

You could also get them to the local library. Get THEM to volunteer somewhere. That's one of the best ways for kids to get involved in something...anything. I know parents who insist that their teens volunteer for at least one year and it made a huge positive impact on them. Also remember that your attitude and interest will make a huge impression on them.

Keep in touch,
Co-Mod Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
Fibromyalgia, Ulcerative Colitis, Insulin dependent diabetic, collapsed disk, dermatitis herpetiformus, osteo arthritis in spine and other locations.

The only difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has it's limits. Albert Einstein: (1879-1955)

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 174
   Posted 12/12/2007 2:41 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi Dictionary,

I as it seems, am in the exact same situation you are in. I have chronic nerve disorder(crps) and in pain 24/7. Its been 3 years and I think I hit every emotion I did'nt think I had. I'm good for standing or moving for about 2 hours a day. I feel like I'm in a slow burning deathbead with relentless pain. I cant even find the words , of how bad I feel about not being able to participate in about 80% of the kids activities.

 Then it's the same feeling when my wife has to triple all her cleaning and cooking for us before she's off to work....  I still dont know how she is always positive and cooking,cleaning and so on because everyone knows how hard it can get when you feel like your the only one helping those oh so needy kids.... 

  I definately can relate to health you cant control. Its brutal. I could go on all day from trying to have the kids understand all the things going on, to not being able to swing a pizza on a friday night!                                  
                    stay in touch and like the pats,  one day at a time!!!!!

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 16799
   Posted 12/12/2007 7:40 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Dictionary and Welcome,
Please listen to what the guys have posted here. When you begin to feel the slip creeping back in, come back here and read their  posts again.
Although my children are grown and gone from home they worry just the same. We were very active with the kids, going on vacations together even tho grown (Mom & Dad always footed the bill,lol) we took them places they had never been before and such. We did a trendous amt of rving and camping, we were like gypsys on the weekends, lol.
I have been battling cp for yrs but the past five yrs knocked me to the ground and I did good to belly crawl. I ended up having to go on a antidepressant and that was the best thing I could have done. I also saw a very physchologist who dealt with cp and autoimmune diseases. She was realy good for me. Our ins changed and mental health is no longer offered, otherwise I would still be camped at her door every week.
I have to ask if your pain is under control or not. My pain dr says its very important for us to be able to get up and be mobile, not laying in a bed or chair. Once we got my pain under control I was able to get up. I don't enter marathons, but I get up and on days when it creeps in stay in bed, I force myself to get up. I am always better overall when I do.
As far as your boys are concerned, if you have not sat them down and talked about your situation, now is the time to do it, don't delay. They are old enough now to understand what you are teling them. But, they really are owed an explanation, otherwise they may think this is how they are supose to act as an adult. Also, since you don't help your wife, they may grow up thinking they are not suppose to help a woman either.
Try to think of some small things you can do to help get some of the burden off of the wife. Run the dishwasher then un load it, there really are lots of little things around the house you could probably do. Have your wife sort the laundry and try to do a load here & there. The other day it took me 5 hrs to clean a b/r cause I had to keep resting. I felt so good about myself when I finished it too. Any small task I finish is a great mind booster for me.
You hang in there and know you are not alone and we are always here for you. Susie

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 29
   Posted 12/12/2007 9:53 PM (GMT -6)   

Thanks for the great advice. It's nice to talk to people in the same boat.

Susie, pain is about 30% covered. I think I may be switching meds sune because I have become tolerent to the meds I am on. Been on increaseing dosage of the same med since 98.

Thanks again guys


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