Posted 1/28/2008 3:24 PM (GMT -6)
Well i went to see my regular doctor today and once again I was dropped down to 6 methadone 10s a day. To think i was on 160mgs a day for 2+ years and get dropped down to 60mgs a day in less then 45days is insane. If someone told me that would happen I would of never believed them. I go see this new doctor in 11 days. I am just going to explain to this new doctor what my life has been since the cruel drop in meds.

When I was on 160mgs a day, everything was all good and I started slowly but surely getting my life back. My pain was managed greatly. I was actually able to go out and get a job and work like a normal human. I was able to live a somewhat normal lifestyle by being able to go to the movies, or hang out with friends and family and due things that normal people would do. I would still be in pain but it was managed perfectly to the point where I could do those things.

Since the drop I have lost my job because I couldnt perform up to par because of pain. I am a very iritable person. My family cant even stand me. Because when I am in great pain I am a monster. I am rude, not nice, almost unbearable. I left the house all but 2 times this month. I stayed home when family went out to eat or to the movies because of my pain. I was even able to take small walks before and now I dont even want to get up in the morning or get off the couch. The pain is so bad, it shoots down my left buttox and down my left leg. Feels like someone actually took a sharp knife and is stabbing my butt and cutting it all the way down to my leg.

I hope this new doctor understands that my pain was managed really good at a dose from 120-160mg of methadone a day, and that I could live a somewhat normal lifestyle at that dose. Wish me luck and I will keep you all informed of what happens on the 8th.

I want to personally thank everyone here who has given me advice and helped me threw this process. So... THANK YOU

Posted 1/28/2008 6:43 PM (GMT -6)
Shawn - I am really upset and definitely feel for you for what you are going through. After all, isnt' that what we are all after, to feel somewhat normal. People (including the doctors) take for granted jumping in their car and leaving home, going for a walk, going to the gym, shoot even just standing long enough to prepare dinner. We are in the fight of our lives just clawing our way through each day.

I can definitely relate to your isolation, and I am sure many others here do too. I leave the house once a week to go replenish the house with food and supplies. I have always been a very independent person, never asking for help, but now I feel mentally small when I have to ask someone to help load rabbit food or dog food onto my cart, sometimes even a few gallons of milk. When I hurt badly, as I have the last week or so, I even isolate myself from my family....I have found myself staying up later at night, even until around 5 a.m. so I am going to bed when they are getting up just so they don't have to see me gimping around and sometimes crying. There is nothing they can do anyway so I have to just work through it in my own way and in my own time. It is going on 8 years that I have dealt with this, so they are tired of hearing "I hurt," so I just avoid them. I don't even call my mother (who I usually speak with every other day) just because I know she is going to ask "so how are you."

I have to say that HW is the absolute best place I have ever come to for support. Chutz and the other mods readily welcome everyone into the family and I actually feel somewhat normal when I come and post here or even read. That's all I want, to feel more normal in the world, like I fit in...and here I do. We are all in this together. I have gone to other chronic pain sites only to find they are places where everyone is exchanging information on how to purchase online medications on top of what their doctor is giving, or some with no insurance. At any rate, I got the feeling from many of them that they were purchasing from MANY places, just by their questions of "which pharmacy does this OP use, which doctor does that OP is sad that people have to resort to that because of the opoid phobia, but I didn't feel I fit in there. I have a doctor who prescribes and my morals tell me it is wrong to go elsewhere since I have found a doctor willing to treat the pain....if the OP gets busted (which I was reading happening almost daily) then 1. they are out their money and their refills. 2. your name is in the DEA hands and if they find your name on multiple lists then their their doctor would probably be informed and they would be SOL. Anyway, that is in a different point is just that I just didn't feel I fit in there.
Mochiah/a.k.a. Sue
cervical fusion 2006, with great result
L4-5 surgery with cages, plates, and screws in 2005, I have continued pain 
MEDS:  Fentanyl patch, Norco, Celexa, trazodone, and Parafon Forte
To handle yourself, use your handle others, use your heart
I'm going to smile like nothing is wrong, act like everything is perfect, and pretend its not hurting me.

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