I was initially dx'ed with Crohn's three years ago-- first they ran some sort of blood test that was positive for Crohn's, and then a colonscopy with biopsies confirmed it. And still, I cried when I got the "actual" results after colonoscopy-- having the doctor say to me with certainty, "You have Crohn's disease" just hit home, even though I was relieved that I didn't have the lymphoma that doctors had initially suspected.
Last week, I had a follow-up colonoscopy, knowing full-well what they would find. And when the doctor came to tell me that I have Crohn's disease (duh!), I cried again. I realize that the Versed that they give you for scopes makes many people emotional, but also, having to hear about
this in a very official way again kind of snaps me out of my comfy denial. I feel a little bit like I'm starting through my grieving process all over again. (And by the way...going through this can be lot like grieving. Mourning your former "disease-free self" or however you think of it.)
Basically, I identify with what you're going through. I would say relief and sadness is a normal, and completely justified, reaction to this diagnosis. Good for you for being able to identify all of those emotions. As a therapist (almost a psychologist now!) who really believes in feeling freely instead of squelching and denying our pain, I would encourage you to continue to explore all of your emotions, even the negative ones, and know that it's okay to feel sad sometimes. If you find yourself getting wrapped up in completely sadness and despair, however, I would encourage you to seek help from a mental health professional.
25 year-old female, Dx in 7/2005 with CD and Crohn's colitis
Rx: Asacol 4.8 gms/day (12 tablets!), Imuran 100 mg/day, Canasa suppositories. About to start Remicade due to spreading and continuously active disease.
Had a beautiful baby girl via c-section 11/21/07!!