Okay....guys point of view....but know going in this is a POV from a guy over 50 and one who has been with the same partner for over 28 years.
My wife and I have always had a very active and healthy sex life. So when the CD hit we were not ready for the downturn in activity. I had a lot of desire but not a lot energy and just like many on here I did not feel clean or in control of my system enough to be romantic. It is hard to think my wife would find it exciting to make love to a guy who has been usingthe bathroom 20 or 25 times that day. We went from several times a week to a couple of times a year in flash.
Add to this that just as I started feeling better from taking Tysabri (test market trials) my wife started getting hit real heavy with menopause....so now she was not really feeling "the love".
So over the years we have had to learn to understand each others feelings and adjust to a less intense fire. We talk openly about things...if one of us is really in the mood we do certain things to let the other know and many times even when the spirit is willing but the body is weak we still manage to work ourselves slowly into a good time...sometimes it is all about me and other times it is all about her....but mostly is us together.
What we found for us that has worked best is that when we are together...watching TV...sitting on the back patio....or walking the dog...we touch, hug and hold onto each other a lot (we did not do a whole lot of this before)...this helps build desire and enough desire generally surpasses many of the negative issues.
Last thing....if...while enjoying ourselves I get that get up and go urge ...I get up and go. We don't fret over it...we don't frustrate ourselves by trying to re-create the moment I just ruined...we just, if still interested, start to rebuild the desire and go from there...if the mood is lost for good I am blessed with a women who does not hold a grudge but instead shows understanding and lots of patience. We may not be back to the hat tricks on a week end....but we ain't doing so bad either....and honestly now. most times, it is more rewarding than in years past.
dx IBS 1999 UC 2000 CD 2001