a sad day today from a loved one

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Janice Baker
New Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 10/15/2008 7:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone. I am new to the site and going through a traumatic event. On monday, my husbands little brother was found in the mountains - he had taken his life. In the last year or so he was changing. He couldnt keep a job, he become reclusive and unsocial and ran into many financial problems. We assumed this led to depression and was the cause. The family rallied together last night. In a shocking call to one of his only friends in a far away state that he had met online, We found out that he had a very severe case of crohns disease. He had told her and made her promise not to tell. I dont think any of grasped it last night. But this morning I started researching and am realizing, maybe that is why he couldnt find a job he felt comfortable with, maybe that is why he became so unsocial. I am heartbroken even more so today thinking maybe the morning he took his life, he was in so much pain and couldnt take it any more. I appreciate your thoughts. I feel even more awful knowing he was in pain and all alone, refusing to tell his family becuase he was embarrassed (this is just speculation) but none of us had any idea. All we can think about his how much we were on his case to get a job and take care of his bills. Can any tell me anything of how he felt. Maybe how bad it gets. He was 26. His friend also told us that his dentist recently found a strange tumor in his mouth. Could that have been related. Thanks to all who reply. I cant stop crying thinking about the morning he did it. Trying to channel what he was feeling. Wishing one of us had been home. Thank you

kyle Nelson
Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 28
   Posted 10/15/2008 7:33 AM (GMT -7)   
while i cant speculate on your loved one's individual case, if you are asking, in general, "how bad does it get?"
it can be absolutely devastating. i would imagine that if his case was truly vicious, however, that you would have noticed weight loss, or some outward signs of disease. that isnt always the case, but for those who have aggressive crohn's, it usually manifests itself outwardly as well. im very sorry for your loss.

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 150
   Posted 10/15/2008 7:50 AM (GMT -7)   
I am Too, sorry for your loss, what a horrible horrible thing,
I really hope that you can come to grips with what has happened, and please know that there is lots of support here, come here whenever you like,,, take care
30 year old female, currently being diagnosed with a possible crohns, or celiacs disease. Have lost 40 pounds, cant eat very much, distended abdomen, low b12, constant diarrhea, diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2006, also have PTSD, and have suffered from depression and bipolar episodes since being a teen.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1811
   Posted 10/15/2008 7:59 AM (GMT -7)   
I am soooooo very sorry for your tragic loss. I can't imagine what your family must be going through. There is no way to know exactly how he was feeling. This illness CAN be very incapacitating and it can be very embarrassing, but there ARE definite ways to cope. Maybe it was all too new and too much for him. OR, maybe there were lots of other factors that you are unaware of. You might not ever have the answers that will help you understand why he chose to end his life, but I hope that your family can find joy in the memories of his good times. Maybe his friend who knew that he had crohn's can give you more information to help you. Please know that you are welcome here any time. Again, I'm so sorry for your terrible loss. Sending good thoughts your way.


Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 149
   Posted 10/15/2008 9:12 AM (GMT -7)   
I too am sorry for your loss and will keep your family in my prayers.  Please feel free to read previous posts to get an idea of what life with Crohns can be like if you feel it will help you better understand what he was going through.
Bad flare May '06 resulted in CD diagnosis-symptoms for 10 yrs prior.
Asacol: 2400 mg/day
Prednisone: 5 mg/day
Entocort: 9mg/day
"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain"

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 4527
   Posted 10/15/2008 10:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Sorry you have such a sad lost crohn's can effect the mouth but it is treatable as far as I know. Some people may not know this . That is why this site is such a good help knowledge keeps us sane at times. So sorry things were so bad for him . lol gail
Hallarious woman over 50 ,CD ,IBS 27 years--resection,fistula's,obstructions,and still alive.lol gail

Janice Baker
New Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 10/15/2008 10:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you to everyone for all your kind thoughts. I hope to all who read this and are suffering with this disease, please dont give up or loose hope. If anyone has those thoughts of ending it - hopefully no one- please know the sadness it leaves behind. Our family is hurting so much and wishing he had told us- even if just a few of us knew in confidence it may have made that difference. Surround yourself with supportive people and talk your way through tough times. I will take your advice and read past forums. I think knowing may help just a little with some closure. Thank you again and God bless. I will pass on your kindness to his parents.

Elite Member

Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 20577
   Posted 10/15/2008 12:02 PM (GMT -7)   
I am truly sorry for your loss ((((HUGS))))...often this disease affects more than just our intestinal tract, there are so many extraintestinal manifestations that many have to deal with, and the mental/emotional connection is of course another, this disease affects virtually every aspect of our lives and makes it that much more difficult to accept...heck, I went from wearing high-heels regularly to having to give them up because it's too hard to run in them when you need a toilet quickly. This disease is very depressing and I often wonder what makes me continue on...it is what it is and everyone deals with it differently.

My bum is broken....there's a big crack down the middle of it! LOL :)

Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/15/2008 1:10 PM (GMT -7)   
My heart thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family

Keep posting and let it all out

  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
                                    Donate at  www.healingwell.com
Moderator @ Alzheimer's,Co Mod @ Anxiety/ Panic,Co Mod @ Crohns 
                                    FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
               Look For The GOOD,Even At Your Lowest
     Listen To Your Heart,Look Inside Yourself,Understand You

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2004
Total Posts : 158
   Posted 10/15/2008 1:39 PM (GMT -7)   
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I hope you find this sight very healing.
You are in my prayers.
Diagnosed with UC in July of 2003 then diagnosed with Crohns in August of 2006.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 6518
   Posted 10/15/2008 9:01 PM (GMT -7)   
My heart goes out to you in this terrible time. I know what you are going through as I have lost someone I loved in this same manner. Dont make the mistake I made. We will never figure out what they were feeling. Agonizing over what you could have done will only bring more pain. Best to know that he is no longer in pain. As long as he is remembered he will live on . Honor his memory by living life to the fullest.
If we would read the secret history of our enemies,we would find in each mans life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.

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