My family thought I was handling really well. But I was also avoiding reading anything about the disease, etc. Then I just read some stuff and felt cracked. I don't cry much. Every time I ever have, its 'cause of severe pain (emotional pain counted). Its weird for folks to see me cry, but after I read all about what I could look forward to, I cried around my folks. Then I ignored things again until I could deal with it. Sounds like avoidance but really, it keeps me sane. Most of the time, when the pain's bad, I hear myself saying, "It can't hurt when you're dead." I'm not suicidal. I just think of the future. It's hard to explain that. That's the best explanation I give myself. Meaning: at some point, maybe they'll figure out a way to make it stop hurting/go away/whatever; and I hope its in my lifetime. It's never easy from what I've lived. I'm actually borrowing a book from the library that covers that first year after diagnosis of Crohns. I'm hoping that it could help me get a better handle on things. I don't have insurance either. I'm going to have to go bankrupt when I can afford a blasted lawyer.
27/f/CD. 4 CD related surgeries: 2 resections, 2 JP drains, 3 NG tubes, many absesses (including the one my most recent surgery scraped off my ovary) and fistulas.
Currently trying to figure out hip and knee joint pain.
Have lost in these surgeries: appendix, 8 in. intestine, R fallopian tube, gallbladder, 10 in. intestine
Dx'd: February 2007.
Pentasa (and much mental screaming)