Of course it hurts, Phoebe, and of course you're down in the dumps about
it. It's a horrible complication. Do try to hang in there.
I think I've been talking with you since just after you were diagnosed and I've been watching you go through the various stages of learning to live with this disease. Please, please, remember that what you're feeling right now is natural and a stage. It's a real emotion; it's understandable and legitimate; but it's also part of the process. Don't feel bad about
yourself for feeling the way you do, and please don't feel that you are alone. It is something we all go through, and that's why I'm sending you an enormous ***hug***.
I am not sure about
the codeine. I'd ring the doctor and hassle him. And you may not have to drive to see him. If he wants to prescribe you something, he could fax the order through to a pharmacist nearer to you. (Perhaps you could ring the pharmacist now and get their fax number, and then give it to the doctor if you do decide to ring and speak with him).
You can also buy an ointment called Proctosedyl. It contains local anaesthetic and may help you a little.
How I am - I'm in the wars too, but let's talk about
you this afternoon
. I, at least, have medicine coming.