Let me just say, You have come to the right place. Feel free to vent away. I think that we all feel lonely, even those of us in relationships, just by the nature of our illness. There are times when we feel that no one else understands what we go through and that we pull into ourselves. But you have made some serious progress. You are seeing a therapist, seeking out help here and changing your reading habits. All steps in the right directions. First of all, realize that it might take a few tries to find the right fit to find a therapist who is the one for you. So please don't give up on that front. As stated in another post, the romance novels are probably rubbing salt in an open wound, so that is a positive step. And coming here to vent, is also a good step, we have all had our bad days, weeks, years, and even decades.
I am married and have been for what seems like an eternity, so looking for a partner isn't really something I have a lot of recent experience with, but I do have two daughters who have been looking for dates, sometimes with luck and sometimes not so much. So I have given my opinion, I am a mother after all, and watched from the sidelines. I've seen what they have gone through. They seem to have the most luck when they are just looking to participate in life, and not necessarily looking for a partner. Things like joining bookclubs, or volunteer efforts offer lots of opportunities to meet people and through them more people. My older daughter has joined dating websites, but also sites that organize activities for singles. Try taking your book to the local coffee shop to read instead of reading at home, or a local park if you live in a nice climate. Help out in a soup kitchen, or some other type of volunteer activity. Take a night course on a subject that interests you and find a cute person to sit next to.
But most of all remember that you won't always be sick. That is the nature of Crohn's. You will have times when you will be sick, like now. And then periods of time when you will be in remission, or close to it. Any person worth your time, will love you during your sick times as well as during your healthy times. So please don't feel that it isn't "fair" to the other person. I'm sure you wouldn't feel that way about some you you love, would you?
CD 19 years offically, 29 unofficially. 3 resections '93, '95 '97
Symptoms constantly but all tests show only minor ulcerations. Currently having multiple episodes of gastritis with no known cause.
Prednisone, 6MP,Prevacid, B12 shots, Bentyl, Xifaxan.....