LMills, I don't want you to think I was picking on you. I have this disease too and like most of us have been through alot. I guess I just think that each of us has to toughen up and look out for ourselves and if someone happens to cross our path and offer us something like your dad did, be thankful. It's obviously not the perfect scenario for you but you could add a room and bath with your own money and it's still alot cheaper than buying a home and then it will fit your needs. Since my daughter was born I've been told countless times what a good dad I am but to hear her tell it I'm an ogre. I guess because I am a dad and I'm older I can relate more to your dad's perspective. My guess is his feelings might be hurt because he thinks you don't appreciate his offer. You'll soon learn that being a parent can be a difficult job. As a parent Ive learned that giving too much to your children can prevent them from learning how to survive in a dog eat dog world. Sometimes you just have to watch your children struggle and know that they are learning how to live and that's really what a parents job is.....to teach our children how to survive on their own. When we are gone you won't have any choice.
I get your point, I really do, but I also have to disagree on certain things. It seems to me that her dad hasn't been in her life all that much, so I don't see that being a dad was hard on him?!? And secondly, you don't really have a choice when you're not physically ok, and she's really not ok! She doesn't have the money to pay for her bills - the bills that she has because of her disease and not because she has two cars, a house and buys tons of make-up and God knows what. And now you're telling her that you as a parent think she shouldn't complain about
it and that life is tough and that it's better for her to have to make it on her on, because she'd be lost after her parents were gone? I'm sorry but I am her age and I don't think it's fair to have to deal with medical bills and trying to work or study at the same time you find it hard to get out of bed every morning because your body just can't take it. Life is hard as it is! Paying for her medical bills and at least making sure his daughter can go to toilet relaxed is the least he could do!
LMills I am so sorry you have to go through all of this! I would be totally lost if I had medical bills right now when I'm at college and when most people our age start paying off their houses or cars or whatever. I'm lucky because in my country medical care is mostly free and my opinion is that medical care should be free for everybody anywhere in the world. I'm at college and I'm barely coping with having to study and my CD being active at the same time. This is a tough disease to deal with where you have no control, there is no cure but only meds that might but most often don't help you and where you really don't know what lies in the future for you. It's scary! And on top of all people that surround us mostly don't understand us. And I have to say this, I don't care who disagrees, but it's so much harder to be a woman with this disease.
I have had this disease since I was 16 and I got disappointed a lot of times in my family, so-called friends, teachers, professors, relatives... I've felt my parents weren't very supportive, I've had this disease for 5 years now and they still don't know some basic stuff about
CD and sometimes the things they say hurt a lot. But I've learned it's the most they can give and what matters is that I know they would stand by me no matter what, buy me anything I need for my CD and stuff like that. So I feel lucky even though their actions can make me real sad sometimes. And hearing you say all of this I realize how happy I truly am. You've made me feel very humble today and I thank you for that. They might not be capable of dealing with my disease by learning more about
it and by trying to understand how I feel but they'd get me anything I need and that's a lot!
The thing is that you're dad is the way he is and trust me you won't be able to change that. I think you need to find a way to get over it because he's hurting you and that's only making your CD worse. That's really bad!!! Don't let him do that to you! Don't let him make it worse for you. It's bad as it is. I know me saying this won't help you. Each one of us needs to learn this on their own. Heck, I'm still learning. But there you are increasing your steroid dose for him and taking stuff just not to have to go to the bathroom when you're with him. And I bet if an "accident" happened to you he'd insult you. And honestly I don't even think him getting the disease would give him compassion. It would be drama drama drama if something like that happened to him, he'd make such a big deal out of it and still ignore your pain. I'm really sorry if you're hating what I'm saying but I know his kind and I'm really sorry I sound so angry, I'm really not trying to play smart. I'm just really sad that all of this is happening to you and I almost started crying when I was reading your post. To heck with him!! You need to concentrate on you! You really really do! Your health is what's most important now, you getting on with your life, you finding your inner strength...
And please don't stress yourself out right now with having to get a job during summer. I know it's important and I know it's necessary and I know you'll give it your best to find one, but instead of worrying about
it every single day you need to calm down, tell yourself it's all going to be ok, something's gonna come up and you still have like 2 months to solve this problem. Use these two months on searching for the job and thinking positive. Leave all the bad things behind for at least some time. You're going to be in big problems if you don't stop stressing out, if you do get a job in this condition cuz you'll end up in a hospital and won't be able to do anything at all...and that would be worse. So focus on you, and F everybody!! I mean it! Positive thinking is very important!
And yeah, parents who have favorites...it makes me sick. But it's his soul, his conscience...
It's unfair what you're going through, it's so unfair but please find a way to accept that he's the way he is and that he doesn't deserve you making your CD worse because of what he does do or doesn't do, because of what he says, or doesn't say, because of not having any understanding...Honestly, I feel sorry for him because he's missing out on knowing you, his own daughter, his missing the fact that you're such a strong person who deals with so much and is only 20 years old. You're brave, you're strong, you're independent, you're everything a person should look up to. And he's missing out on that. Honestly, I feel sorry for him. It's a sad life, don't you think? He's obviously so unhappy with himself that the only thing he can do is choose which one of his kids is going to be his favorite and do everything he can to make his other two kids suffer. Trust me, he'll never change and never understand you. But I bet that when he's old and helpless you're going to be there to help him, unlike your other sister. And that's ok. You know why? Because at least you'll know you tried really hard for everything you have and that you've found a way in your heart to forgive him for what he's doing, that you're the bigger person...
I hope you didn't get anything I said the wrong way...I just really wanted to tell you how much I admire you and that I wish you all the best and that you'll be in my prayers. Keep your chin up! You've got nothing to be ashamed of. Be proud of yourself! And never give up!
21 yr. old with crohn colitis. Diagnosed in March 2004. No surgeries so far.