I forgot one more thing about the anxiety. Something that is even more common than Xanax is to have your family doctor start you on an antidepressant like Zoloft that is known to help with anxiety. It takes a couple of weeks to start working but gives you more of a constant lessening of the anxiety. For a lot of people (like me), they do both - take a daily antidepressant and have a low dose of Xanax available in case of a major attack. Just having Xanax around and knowing it's there is calming.
There are some great compounded creams your colon or gastro doctor could give you. She gave me one - I think it's something like nidephrine which you put a dab on before you go to the bathroom, and it relaxes the muscle and you're able to go with very little pain even if you have angry hemms or a fissure, and it's really safe with no side effects. There's also stuff they can compound with a little lidocaine, etc. which you can use after and the pain goes from about a 9 to a 1. Be firm and explain to them that you are suffering and ask for medications which can help you through this.
I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one that looks at people and thinks "I bet they don't have drains in their backside". While that is probably true, most everyone has stuff they or their loved ones deal with, and I have to try not to be jealous of how comfortable they look cause they may actually have something worse (although some days it doesn't seem like much could be worse!).
Take one day at a time and celebrate when the day goes better than the one before - you will get through this, and there will be brighter and more comfortable days ahead.