My husband really had been completely healthy for the whole time we were dating, and after we got married. He had minor flare ups of ulcerative proctitis, nothing that really set him back at all. In fact, his GI said his disease was very very mild, and really he didn't expect that it would affect his life at all.
Then, last year, BAM! He was in the hospital with c-diff, and diagnosed with crohn's, and spent 45 days in the hospital, during which time, I watched him suffer, and lose 45 lbs, and go from a strong, healthy man, who was my safe harbour, to a man who was a shadow of his former self. We had to make the difficult decision to try remicade, which can have such horrible side effects, including lymphoma. We had to deal with the possibility that he had MS. I can tell you, I was soooo scared, and I felt like my life was turned upside down - all my hopes and dreams for our future erased before my eyes. And I can tell you that every day I was tempted to run away, because it was sooo hard for me to watch him suffer, and watch our future turn bleak. And this was after we'd been together for sooo many years. . .
I'm not trying to excuse your partner's behaviour . . . I am saying I can understand it. I chose not to act on my flight response - because I know, absolutely 100% know, that if our positions were reversed, my husband is a man who would never even have considered walking away from me for even a fraction of a second. Not only that, I realized the only reason the situation felt so bad to me, was because I love him so much. Also, I realized I could not live with myself, and lead any kind of meaningful life if I made the choice to leave my husband for no other reason other than he got sick. But I had numerous friends, and my mother to talk to, to help me sort my head out, to help me stick it out.
I am 31 years old - I expected more fun out of life, I did not expect to be have a husband with a serious chronic illness . . . it was all too much for me to handle, and even now, sometimes still is. I get over-wrought with worry, I get down and depressed, and I feel cheated sometimes . . . but in the end, I realize that life is what we make of it. Age and experience brings maturity and wisdom - hopefully both you and your partner will grow from this experience. But if he is simply happy running away from it, realize that it isn't your fault, and that he really is just an immature person, who refuses to deal with life's realities . . . we will all eventually suffer, and we will all eventually die . . . there really is no escaping it. If we can manage to forge meaningful relationships and love each other and have some fun along the way, that's the best we can hope for. I think men tend to be immature for longer than women (I know, generalization, but in my experience this has been true). If it does not work out with your partner, and you start dating again, don't rule out guys who are older - they tend to have more maturity to deal with issues. (((Hugs))) - this is a difficult time, but it is also an opportunity - if this guy can really be such an ass, you don't want him in your life anyway. And while the surgery is bad, now that it is done, once you heal up, you have a chance for a normal life when the crohn's is in remission, which will hopefully be for a very long time.
In terms of meds, please do take maintenance medication. It will give you a much better chance of a normal life. This is the time for you to be looking ahead - now that you have had the surgery, once you recover from it, if the crohn's stays away, you are looking at remission . . . and an opportunity to get back on your feet, and to find good friends, and good relationships.
Husband with Crohn's
Diagnosed March 2003 Ulcerative Proctitis
Diagnosed March 2008 Crohn's & C-diff, hospitalized 45 days
Canasa, Lialda, Remicade, VSL#3, Florastor
In Remission since June 2008
Stopped vancomycin for c-diff Jan 1 2009
C-diff free, until Sep 2, 2009
Fighting c-diff, I guess for life