i've just had to move back with my mum after being at uni. I've suspended my course cos my health is spiralling out of control and my GI is, at best, disinterested. This isn't the first time i've had to pull out on uni, and leave my whole life behind me. So yeah i'm pretty fed up of it. Mum is self employed and works hard. Fair duce to her. She's met a fella over the last 6/8 weeks and is totally wrapped up in him. Fine, so she goes to his every weekend. It started with her staying over friday nights then coming back saturday afternoon. then it crept to saturday night. then sunday morning now sunday afternoon. Fine, whatever. During the week, she starts early and finishes anytime from 5pm till 8pm. Now i know she works really hard, but now i'm living back at home i have zero social life. Like NOTHING. The rest of mum's family arent interested. As i put it, a bomb could go off whereever i was and they wouldnt bother to ring to see if i was ok. I have no friends up here. So i'm kinda reliant on mum for human contact, especially as i'm broke and live in the tiniest village ever. Mum gets home every night and i get a few sentances out of her, before she has to call her fella. an hour later she might get off the phone, then she texts him all night till she goes to bed at 9. If i speak to her, she isnt listening so i have to constantly repeat myself.
She has battled with depression, so she let the house get into a tip. like a proper tip. She wants her fella to come up to stay, so she's had to start mucking it out. My mate came up to visit two weeks ago, and i hoped mum would help me to get the house straight. Not a chance, she made minimum effort whilst i knocked lumps out of myself to get the place reasonable. even so i still embarassed when my mate came.
Last night, mum starts on at me asking why i dont speak to her. Now i have made effort to start conversations with her but gave up due to constantly repeating myself and being interrupted by her fella ringing/texting. So i'm really impatient and rude to her all the time and she's sick of it. I try toi explain how i feel and its all pushed aside so she cant rant on about how i take advantage of her. How i cant be bothered to help her clean up the house (despite that fact that i'm the only one who keeps up to the clean areas!) and how lucky i am that she buys me food i like and takes me to my appts. She says she doesnt bother saying much to me about my attitude cos she keeps in mind what i'm going through and how bad i must feel.
I try again to point out how lonely i get, seen as the very limited time i get with an ACTUAL human being (ie her) is consistantly interrupted by her fella. Could she not put him aside for ahile so me and her could spend some time together and, oh i dont know, get out of the sodding house once in a while???? I gave up in the end cos she just refused to listen to me. I dont know how i can make her get it. I dont want her to give up her fella, but i would like it if she could put him aside occasionally.
Am i asking too much?? I mean she leaves me jobs to do, which is fine. I do the best i can which means i dont always get it all done. Lately my symptoms are coming back despite the fact i'm still on pred. so instead of asking me to do light jobs in the house, i get asked to rake all the dead grass off teh front and back garden. I got the front yard done yesterday, any thanks for really hurting myself. nope, course not!!
I'm not perfect, i know that. i know i'm bad tempered at the moment. My life has just come crashing down around my ears and i seem to have lost all of my friends in one fell swoop. Is there any wonder i'm not very happy. I've even gone on anti-depressants to try to help myself. The highlight of my week is going to the hospital to have an iron infusion.
Dx - Crohn's (2006), Depression (2010)
Currently - Humira fornightly, iron infusion weekly, B12 3 monthly, prenatal vits+minerals, 15mg prednisolone, calcium supplement, mirtazapine
Tried - aza, pentasa, questran, infliximab
No crohns' surgeries to date, Episcleritis for 3 weeks x 2, pains in hands, wrists, hips, lower back, knees and ankles
Allergic to Infliximab
Was at uni, but have paused the course to try to figure out my health!