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Crohn's Disease
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Posted 11/9/2010 12:37 AM (GMT -8)
OK, I am officially missing both Choc and NCOT. NCOT, I hope you're ok. Choc, what happened? You went off for your scan, and now you're not posting anymore... I'm a tad concerned, but am hoping they rescheduled your surgery and you're now deep in the bliss of bowel prep, or anaesthesia itself.

I'm still feeling yuck here; still running a temperature; but neither as dramatically as Choc.

My tlcs:

* 20 mins exercise in am; short walk (to post box) in pm
* another long sleep
* a load of washing, washed, hung. Hope it will be dry in the a.m., as there's rain coming.
* did a bit of paperwork
* wrote more Christmas cards
* made important phone call (the first of several that need doing)
* wrote a few emails to people I've lost contact with; sent a card to another

So... my relationship tlc has started...

Ivy.
Posted 11/9/2010 2:07 AM (GMT -8)
aw, thanks Ivy, i'm ok. Surgery has been postponed till next week. I grew some nasty bacteria from my urine, which was resistant to one type of antibiotic. Still on IV antibiotics, but now have a bed on a ward. CT scan was clear as much as a crohn's scan can be really! They were very worried about me having an abcess, which i dont! Just a nasty UTI. Pretty tired today, took me ages to wake up this morning! Hopefully i might be heading home towards the end of the week then come back in for surgery.
Posted 11/9/2010 3:45 AM (GMT -8)
You know, more and more lately I am finding it hard as hell to get up and get going as well.
Posted 11/9/2010 5:38 AM (GMT -8)
I'm just depressed. Bad day Sunday, did better yesterday, then depression hit full force yesterday evening. And hasn't gone away.

I genuinely cannot go on like this. These depressions are terrifying, as I think I'm going to die during them. Part of me says "bring it on! I can't carry on like this anyway" and the other half is like "no, I still have things left I enjoy, I don't want to die just yet." If nothing changes, I think something is gonna crack inside me. I just want something - anything, no matter what - to change. Anything. I can't go on like this.
Posted 11/9/2010 6:16 AM (GMT -8)
(((NCOT))) I am so sorry you are feeling so bad. I wish there was something I could do to make it go away, but unfortunately I can't, so please know that I am at least sending you some healing hugs your way.

(((Choc))) hope your UTI go away soon and you can move forward and get your surgery over and get back to feeling better. Hugs!

Goodness Ivy you are working on your Christmas cards already? Good for you, I have such a hard time getting into the holiday spirit anymore since my girls are all grown and my grandbabies, except one are so far away.
Posted 11/9/2010 1:13 PM (GMT -8)
Nanners, I started my Christmas preparations on ANZAC Day (April 25th). I have bouts of such severe fatigue that I can't count on being able to do a big push at the "normal" time... plus, if I do it early, I don't have to contend with crowds or stand in so many queues, and have a better chance of finding the right gifts for people. That's not to say I'm organised yet - far from it - just pottering away at it, little bits at a time, when I'm able.

NCOT, I do worry for you, as you know. Just out of interest, what would happen if you went down to your hospital the next time you're feeling so depressed, and just sit there until you get help? Sometimes, that's what you need to do... And maybe people aren't taking you as seriously as they ought because they're seeing you *after* the storm has passed, rather than at its peak.

Choc, I'm glad you have a bed on a ward (how many people in your room?) at last, and I hope you start to feel brighter soon.

Ivy.
Posted 11/9/2010 3:45 PM (GMT -8)
Thank you, Nanners *hugs back* :/

Ivy - Not a lot, I reckon. I suspect I would sit around A&E for hours, eventually see a bored and indifferent doctor, and then get sent on my way home. You're right, though, that nobody sees me at my worst. Tbh, even at home I rarely do anything too obviously mental. I feel agitated, cry, but keep it to myself. Parents can see that I'm woefully miserable, but that's about it.

I didn't eat for 24 hours, then ate about half an hour ago. Getting about 600-800 calories a day at the moment. I don't want to eat even that much, but I'm scared about not eating at all.

I am so tired. Why doesn't my body just fail? Or at least make me tired enough to sleep all of the time. I feel like this is a punishment.
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