Posted 4/28/2011 4:16 PM (GMT -8)
It's funny, isn't it, how many people (especially doctors) can't differentiate between extreme fatigue and depression.
I saw a documentary on tv last week, about a mother who had three little boys under the age of four, all of them with behavioural problems and an inability to settle at night, and she kept having to fight the medical system, saying "I'm not depressed; I'm TIRED". I sympathised with her, and it made me feel better in a way, because at least we're not the only ones fighting this battle.
One thing I find hard is the choices I (we) have to make, choices that normal people don't. Often I can cook a meal *or* do the dishes, but not both. And, of course, that's a problem when the fatigue has been at that level for a couple of days, and I don't have clean dishes to cook a meal!!!!! I have a social activity this afternoon, but am having bad fatigue this morning, so exercise, dishes etc, are probably going to have to be sacrified just so I can spend some time with people, which I desperately want to do.
I'm particularly bummed today because church is having a big party for the royal wedding tonight and I'm longing to go, but it's too late and the physical cost is going to be too high, especially as I have a huge fortnight coming up, medically. Normal people don't have to struggle with those choices and I am finding, the older I get (and I'm only in my early 30s), the more I have to fight envy & resentment at those who are having an easier time of it. How come they get to be 60, 70, 80, 90, and still having more of a social life than I've ever had?!! It feels very unfair.
I do find it curious, too, that we are all fighting this battle, and all admiring & probably envying bits of each others' lifestyle. I was very envious of you over the Easter weekend, Nanners, for having your grandson visiting, and for being able to go to a swap meet. I think none of us really grasps just how admirable we are for doing as much as we can, and I think each of us are probably doing things that others envy... the problem is that each of those activities comes at a cost, and requires the sacrifice of other things that we'd love to do.
The emotional cost is hard, too. You're not alone, Nanners, in wanting to be a better friend & relative to the people who care about you. I'm doing a terrible, rotten, job at that this year, and feel really guilty about it.