As you all know I am still waiting to get my results from my capsule endoscopy.
My Gi doctor will finally be back from Holidays on Monday and I'm going to call and see when he can see me and hopefully my results will be in.
My family doctor is finally back from sick leave and I have an appt with him on May 5 at 315. I know he won't beable to do much but at least I can talk with him. I know he will try to prescribe me prednisone but my GI has asked that I stop taking it unless it comes from him.
Things these past week have been horrible. On April 14 I increased my Salofalk as the Gi suggested to 8 per day and felt awesome for a few days until Last Monday. Monday i started feeling horrible and it just escalated. I've felt worse than I have since this all began.
Right now so many things are running through my mind its not even funny. I am so scared that he finds crohn's all over and that i will never beable to achieve remission. I know I have been doing too much reading about those who have had ileostomy bags from crohns or even those who need to be fed my infusions. I know these are hte wose cases but right now that is all I see. I am terrified that I will never have a life again. I am fustrated that this is happening to me or any of us. I am such a good person. I worked so hard to get to where I am and everything is crashing around me. I really don't know if I can do this. I go to bed at night holding my stomach and my husband says while I am sleeping I clutch my abdomen an whimper while I sleep. I am only 31 soon to be 32 and I feel as I wont get to see or enjoy the rest of my life. It has been over a year now with no breaks except for a time I was on prednisone for only 5 days.
Everyone I talk to says I will get better but right now after 1 year of going through this I feel that I will never. Chrohn's is a disease that continues to progres so if I am this bad now I don't want to think about how bad I will be a 10 years. I've lost all hope, I don't know If I can be as strong as all of you. I'm forever crying and wishing that this was only a nightmare. i know I have to come to terms that I will never get rid of this and i need to learn to cope. But i don't know if I can. I've lost over 40 pounds in a year, I was a size 34 now Im a size 27. My bra size has gone down 2 full cup sizes. I don't even want to go out anymore.
I even wrote my doctor a letter that I want to fax to him, but I'm scared that I will push him away. I live in canada and my doctor is 2 hours away from me and there are not many others around and the wait to see them are sometimes 6 months to a year. My husband says I shouldnt send it and just wait to see him he is afraid that I am being too needy and will push this dcotor away. Supposedly this doctor is one of th best in our province but geeze how come I dont feel any better. I know that I have only been with him since December and I have been through a barage of tests and the final one was last month the capsule and we are just waiting for the tests results.
And I know its not the foods I eat, lately all i have been having is chicken, rice, patatoes and cooked carrots. My doctor said until I feel better it will be hard to tell which foods are no no's for me and he is right everything I eat makes me feel the same way.
I'm sorry this is so long, but I can't do this anymore, I need help.....................................