Thanks everyone for the kindness and the love . I crawled down stairs after I burdened you all with my troubles . Made a pot of coffee and sat on the back porch watching to sun rise. The water is up in the yard but if all the flood structures hold I think we are ok , its just going to leave some mud in the back and thats not anything I will need to deal with for a while . God put it there he will plant some grass or weeds on it. My old insides have been kicking my behind for a few weeks now . I know why and I also know there isn't a fix for it . I worry about
my wife and her cancer and that causes stress. Stress = nightmares =bad memories = no sleep= gut trouble= skin rash= burning face and pain= me with a bad case of the shakes at 2 AM.
Doc here has pushed up the tests to see if my wifes cancer is growing. Either way both of her cancer doctors want to put her back on a harsh chemo before it spreads into her lungs or her liver . I know their thinking is sound but she suffers so when on this stuff. There is also talk about
radiation . If you have ever seen what that does in the way of burned flesh and pain then you know why it hurts so bad to see the one you love have to face it. I run around in circles all day wondering , what can I do , what can I say , how can I help ? I'm stinking useless . You guys said to write it down , well this is about
it in a nut shell . I feel like the world is trying to stuff 500 pounds of trouble into my ten pound bag and now it is spilling out all over . Habs, the tide spelling may have been Freudian but its just as likely a case of me being a crappy speller . I lost a lot of memory when I had a breakdown the last time the weight of my life was too heavy to bear ,some where around the mid 1970's. Spelling , important events , dates and places and oh yes one more small thing was lost . Who I was . I'm still not too sure about
that one but my wife says I'm me and thats good enough . When you cant recall your own name you would think you were up crap creek without a paddle , but Uncle Sam said I was OK and sent me home and my wife dealt with it . That only took several years and four shrinks , oh , and most of our money . I don't know if PTSD ever really is gone and I guess I worry about
falling back into the fire. So now you have it , part of the story of my wonderful life so far. I did censor some of the really bad stuff just to keep the PG rating .
And one more thing , Ms Cate, most everyone else may be too far away for me to meet, but my wife has wanted to go back to the Nawlins aquarium for a while and we may head that way when the water goes down . I'd love to buy you dinner and that also goes for anyone else here that we could manage to meet . Thanks for listening and being here for me . I'll be ok , just have to get through a few more really bad days. I can stay awake that long if I need to .
If we would read the secret history of our enemies,we would find in each mans life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.