Its just on my mind, and I just want to vent it out.
First off, not that its good by any means for the Crohnies who have trouble gaining weight, I wish I was one of them.
It totally messed with youre head when you are sick and dying, yet because you are losing so much weight from not eating and throwing up the few things your are, people tell you "Wow! You look great! Keep it up!" My WiiFit would cheer for me when I would lose 8 pounds in a few days during scary sick and dying phase but yell at me for gaining 2 now that I was healthy and able to eat.
I feel like I do a lot. No, I'm not perfect with my eating, I let myself live a little, especially when out with friends, but even with my new job where it's a 9 hour day and I'm on my feet standing the whole time, I still manage to work out around 4 days a week. I portion control. I really don't eat much.
Yet I can't lose weight. It's so darn frustrating. Just think of all the cute dresses and skirts in my closet that could be getting the light of day right now.
A few coworkers and I decided to start a Biggest Loser competition where we all put in 25 bucks and we'll all weigh in Saturday morning. Well great, I'm at a huge disadvantage because even though I love stuff like salad, fruit, etc., I know if I eat too much of it, it will hurt my tummy greatly. I love greatfruit but that does not digest well for me. And I love making salads with spring mix but when I start eating it daily oi vey the tummy troubles I have! I'm tired all the time, though I don't know if I can really blame that on the Crohns. And who knows what type of side effects any of my meds have on me?
And, as mentioned in a different post, for some reason, even though I work out regularly, yesterdays work out left me vomiting when I got home, oi vey....
I just feel like the Crohns is a huge hinderence in me trying to lose weight. Maybe it is an excuse, but it freaking blows sometimes. To see people put in way less effort than you and lose weight while you do a lot more but get no benefits.
It warps with your head. It's sad that when I did get better back in October, there was a huge part of me that was like darn, I wish I could have been sick for just a week or two longer so I could have lost a few more pounds. And that's sad because it was darn embarrassing to be at my old job in the medical field hiding clumps of my hair that were falling out because I was so malnurished. And it taking me 10 minutes just to get up from a chair because my body was so darn weak. Or when it was so bad that I couldnt get up from sitting on the floor and I had to move to my bed, army style using only my arms and hoist my body up on my bed because my legs were too weak. But yet, today's society is promoting me to think but hey, if you were sick for just a few weeks longer, you'd be cuter! Get at it!
Oi vey. Sad thoughts, sad world. I'm really not depressing I swear...In fact I just finished a Zumba workout lol. It just is frustrating sometimes, thats all. And my mom always says bla bla bla better to be healthy and a littler heavier...but no, screw that. It sucks, when I go out on a date and if it doesn't work out I always assume it must be because of my weight. Stuff like that.
But hopefully, I will keep on trucking, efforts will prevail, and all will be well in the world of Sara....well not all but ya know, this one area! :P