Hi and thanks for the replies. I'm checking in this forum at lunchtime, and was glad to see the feedback.
Sniper, I know I'm lucky, I lost my Dad to cancer this spring, and my common-law mother in law is now facing cancer (pancreatic) so I do understand how very lucky each day above ground walking is. I know my father in law (deceased) always said the same thing - to visit the childrens ward of RA children (he suffered with that disease horribly). That kept him from feeling sorry about his own difficult painful condition. I know I'm feeling sorry for myself and need to get out of my own way. That's what this forum is good for. Can't talk to many people about what's going on with me personally. the ones I am close to, well, it just brings them down. The ones I work with - I have to pretend to be "on" and oK. Really, I can't hardly handle this job, but I have to try for economic reasons (I like to eat and have a roof :) )
Roni, thanks for the support. The surgeon has said that the condition of my colon is too bad for surgery, it would just fall apart. So, it's a bad thing - can't operate until I'm well. Can't get well. Tried numerous drugs - remi, humira, nothing has helped. Been on tacrolimus and 6 mp for about a year and it is the only thing that has helped even a bit. The fistula has gotten a wee bit smaller in the last 6 months. But it has recently gotten weepy again and now leaking stool again, and my doctor said that 50% of people do not ever heal from this (in my area of fistula). And I'm running out of drugs, I think there are a couple more. For now it looks like tacrolimus & 6 MP are helping but very slowly. So, I mostly take it one day at a time, cause the future right now looks bleak. I'm scared of these drugs, the warnings on them are frightening to me (cause cancer, liver damage, etc etc). I stopped them for 4 weeks this summer, and that was very STUPID of me. But I hoped I was getting well and that I would be ok. I was not so been back on the drugs for 6 weeks now. The 6 MP has been making me nauseous a lot. Whine Whine Whine. Sorry. I hope your latest resection fixed things and you stay well as can be!
Thanks for listening. I know that better days are coming - just tired of waiting. Two years is a long time to have your life on hold. I am blessed with a loving daughter and one grandchild (and one on the way), I just wish I was well enough to help with them, and i hate the thought that most days that I'm schedled for babysitting, I miss cause of illness... Well, enough of that, back to work with me, and thanks so much for replying. Prayer lists are good, I will talk to my aunt. She got me on her church's prayer list back 6 months ago and it helped! God - I wrote a book, sorry for long post and I'm already feeling better for venting it all out!
Best Regards to everyone on Healing Well Forums! You folks help so much to so many!