I just have a question regarding my career. I'm a 34 y old female. Since graduation, I have worked very hard, learnt a lot and was known for hard work, perseverance and trying as hard as possible to perfect my work. This all I could achieve although I have had GERD and gastritis since my last year in college and could become first of my class. This hard work enabled me to hold a masters form one of the most reputable universities in my country. While I was a masters student, I used to get scholarships and at the same time was successful at work and managed to succeed academically and administratively despite the fact that I used to commute 2 days to another city for 5 years. This all was until 2 years ago. Recently, people have started to deal with me differently. I'm not given anything challenging anymore. Today I was asked: Would you be able to do this or would it be a lot of work for you? If you can't, just apologize and it is understandable. I was devastated. Is this because of Crohn's? I can't say I hate this disease as it's God's test but it interferes with my ambitions and dreams. I don't like anybody to tell me that you are disabled even if implicitly. Yes, I have to admit that every semester I am absent two or three times on the days of my classes. The last stomach flare up that lasted for 10 days added to people's regarding me disabled. I never neglect my wok even if I'm sick. I insisted that I can do the work, esp. that it entails a large admin part but I'm afraid. Should I challenge myself but when Crohn's hits, I can't guarantee anything or should I admit it and accept it that I can't exert more effort than that and I managed to make myself somehow good in my field.
This feeling of depression was worsened by my discussion with the GP at work. I told her I need to reduce my absenteeism and return to methotrexate (which I stopped because of the stomach flare up). She told me you already got hypertension as a side effect of pred, what else would you like to get. Besides, she mentioned that all I got is chronic proctitis and enteritis throughout my small intestines (jejunum, ileum and TI)and this does not indicate Crohn's. I told her that my GI wrote Crohn's disease on my prescription, I take Entocort and feel better while on it, I have mouth ulcers and erythema nodosum but she told me that this is not enough. I have done all possible tests for 5 years and after all this we suspect it it is not Crohn's. My GI is one of the most reputable ones in my city but he refuses to redo a colonoscopy at the time being. BTW, I have been on pred for a year and a half and just stopped 2 weeks ago and this could be the reason why there aren't any ulcers in my scope. I'm devastated.
Should I just accept the fact of Crohn's making me weak and unable to pursue what I have been doing or should I fight?
I think you should continue to fight it to try to get better. And this disease is not God's work or Santa's work or anyone's. You should hate this disease just like everyone hates getting a random cold 1-3 times a year.
Do you think God lets all those kids die from starvation in Africa, or those people that died in Haiti or the people that die everyday in car accidents or crossing the street. The people that die of cancer of whatever. This is not a test for you, you caught this disease because it was in your genes and you were prone to get this disease. Just as a 300lbs pounder overweight person won't get crohn's simply because it's not it their genes.
You did nothing wrong, you just happen to have the wrong genes and it triggered this disease somehow.