Posted 2/21/2012 9:33 PM (GMT -6)
I have been battling crohn's for a while now- since high school. I had a bowel resection 14 months ago where 14 inches of disease was removed. I then had a colonoscopy 10 months ago and my disease had returned. I just had another colonoscopy today because I have been in a lot of pain and my stomach has been distended. I think the results were intense. I have multiple ulcers, new disease throughout my rectum as well as all throughout my small intestines. My colon though was clean. In ten months, doesn't that seem aggressive? My question to anyone out there is am I in denial? What is my life to look like in a few years if this is what happens in 10 months?
I am normally happy and positive, but I feel like maybe I need to face my new reality. I try to let Crohn's be a part of me, and not define me, but I feel like the harder I try to be "normal" and raise my kids, I get kicked down in the middle of a success. I am successful with a beautiful family and a great career. I have lost 120 lbs and have run several half marathons, so I guess my problem is I don't want to be sick. I always thought I am a person living with Crohn's, but with numerous dr visits and bills my husband and I cannot afford, I feel as though I have crohn's and I am trying to live through it. At 31, it makes me hope to live a healthy enough life for my kids. Any advice or thoughts are welcomed. I am currently on Cimzia, welchol, entocort, and lexapro. What scares me is that I am running out of options for meds. My dr just moved me to cimzia once a week. I guess I feel like maybe I need to realize my crohn's is aggressive...I'm not sure. As down as I get, I am lucky to have my family around me with an understanding husband.
Does anyone else feel like you grieve over and over again?
Thanks for listening-