So, recently I went to the doctor and they ran a lot of tests consisting of bloodwork & a CT...Well, according to all that, I'm not flaring but my Rhuematologist says with all my joint inflammation, I am. After all this my I called the GI & told his nurse(WARNING: THE FOLLOWING IS NASTY)
my stools were increasingly thin, even thinner than a pencil, I still have occasional 'D', blood in stools, contipation, bad joint pain etc. & she said "Well that's good because that could mean your flare is getting better but I'm sorry you are having all the problems & if you get admitted into the hospital tomorrow please call our office because we might need to work with the Rhuematologist so change your medications."
Normally, I could care less about the lab tests & CT results because they are, 99% of the time, ALWAYS negative, even when I'm in a bad flare. But if the above mentioned means my flare is going down why in the heck do I feel like I'm dieng from stomach aches to bad joint pain? Now I feel like a horriable person for missing half of my classes because my knees locked up from the inflammation & my stomach pain was too much. I know that I haven't had a colonoscopy to confirm the lab results or anything but I'm just fed up with all of this "It could be" "Maybe..." "Well we'll give it a few months". Well WHAT is remission?! I asked my GI once & all he said was "You'll know when you're in remission. I have patients that come up to me & say they didn't know they could feel this good."
All I want is to feel better. Call it whatever you want. I just don't like being pushed from one doctor to the next because I'm a "difficult case." I want to know if I'm in remission, what can I do to feel better....I'm crying typing this(I never cry. My motto is 'suck it up butter cup') but I just wanted to get this out for the first time "I just want to feel better, I'm only 15 but I'll do anything to get better. I just want to be like all the other girls at school that get to have boyfriends, go to the homecoming dance, & go out to eat pizza after the football games but I can't because I'm the girl that's 'always sick. I take all my medicine, I've done so many diets, I just want to throw all my medicine away & go about my life if I'm 'fine' but I know that bad things happen when you quit doing this.
I know SO many of you have it so much worse than me & are thinking 'Please, stop your -------- & moaning' and I admire all of you SO much for even taking the time to look at my posts when you could, responding & offering advice even when you feel absolutely miserable. The only reason I joined this forum was to communicate with people who understand. I will get off my soap box now & wipe away all the tears I just hate this disease & how it plays with your head. I'm sorry for posting so much.
I know....it's going to better. If it doesn't then I'm okay with that because I do have great people in my life as well as know that this disease is a blessing for so many reasons. I can't wait to post "Feeling good & in remission"