frustrating co-workers

Hi all. I feel like I need to vent a little bit.   I have been battling a flare for quite a while now with a few days here and there where I actually feel good (i love those days).    It really frustrates me when one of my co-workers sees that I don't feel well and always asks what I ate...like it's always my own fault and I only feel this way because I must have eaten something that bothers me.   

I understand that not everyone knows the ins and outs of this disease but this girl in particular has taken the time out to talk to me about my Crohn's and I've explained the disease to her.....she obviously wasn't listening.    Little does she know that during a flare like this I could be on a liquid diet or eat a whole pizza and still feel the same way.

The name of this forum "healing well" fits perfectly for me on days like this.  I come here and know that I am not alone with this.

Thank you all and hope everyone feels good today

Thank you - it's so nice to come here and read (which i mostly do) that others feel the same way I do. Although....I wish none of us were feeling this way at all.

You're most welcome holley, I completely agree with you on both accounts. Hopefully one day, the sooner the better, none of us have to feel this way any longer.

I'm sure she means well, but sometimes people just need to keep their mouths shut - even if they have the best of intentions! I'm sorry you are having to deal with that. Recently one of my best friends - who was by my side during my ostomy surgery, who I thought really GOT IT about Crohn's - said she was jealous of me b/c my work schedule had been reduced from 5 days to 4 days a week. She also frequently comments on my very part time hours of 9-2 and how LUCKY I am. She doesn't realize it but that hurts me - I'm LUCKY that I can only work part part time b/c of my disease? You are JEALOUS that my work schedule got reduced - because I am battling a skin infection along with peristomal pyoderma? Wow - thanks for that. I know she doesn't mean it to be hurtful but it is.

It could be that she doesn't know what to say and is trying to show that she cares and is interested by asking specific questions.....my grandma is a little bit that way. She can come across as judgmental in her tone or what she says, but at the same time she is just trying to think of something to say that shows that she really cares, you know? Like in February this year I got c. diff. and it caused a bad flare. I was so sick that I had to take two months off. I had just gotten married a few months before. My grandma's response was, "Oh, I'm sorry you're sick. But at least you weren't pregnant. You could have killed your baby." It really took me aback, even though I know she didn't mean it in a bad way at all. I'm not there to see your coworker's tone or anything, but just a thought.

This is an article that was shared on here a while ago that I shared on facebook with people. Maybe you could send it to your coworker or simply let her know that you feel she's judging you when she asks that question. My best friend struggled with infertility for 5 years before she finally got pregnant with IVF. During that time, I had no idea what the right thing to say or do was and I'm sure I said things wrong. I know I really appreciated it when she shared an article with me about what to say for infertility. Does that make any sense?

Anyway, here is the article: www.cnn.com/2012/09/11/health/invisible-chronic-illness/index.html

Holley,
Your post hit home for me as a spouse that sometimes makes stupid comments. The other day my husband was taking a nap and it just got under my skin because I was doing laundry and trying to keep kids quiet so he could rest. When he woke up he made some remark about how messy things were (there was fort building with cushions) and It tipped me over the edge. So I ranted for awhile about how nice it would be to just take a nap and have someone else try to keep 4 kids quiet and occupied while I slept for hours. Oh and that I haven't had a nap in years and he seemed to get one on a regular basis. How would that be?

Yeah I was a jerk. I know he needs to rest with his chronic illness. I know it and yet I let it get to me and said some stupid stuff. I also still fall into the "what did you eat today" routine, even though I know better. Your co-worker doesn't get it and sometimes we say stupid stuff and hopefully you can forgive us for when we do.

I hope your flare quiets down and you get some good days. Try to hang in there.

I know what you mean, I get the same kind of talk from my husband, which really hurts me, whenever I feel sick, pain ,tired I heard those words "It is because you ate ...". I explained him and my GI Dr explained him, It is not what I eat that makes me sick. This is very hard.