Any other stories/examples or advice for marriage
with chronic illness?.
Advice for marriage. I would suggest that the chronic illness shouldn't be the focus here, at least initially.
did your husband know that you set your alarm extra early that morning and that you planned to shower at home the next morning? Did he know prior to the 40-minute knock that you were awake and needed to use the restroom? (Sounds like a single-bathroom house/apartment...do you not like to shower while he is in the bathroom or does he prefer that you not shower while he is in the bathroom?) Did he know that you were going to eat breakfast at home, wanted him to make you something, and not grab-and-go with something?
You make a really great point. I have probably been so focused on Steve's health I haven't acknowledged that it is just communication issues. I would be nice to be in a situation that can be much more routine and predictable, since we're not this could have very easily been remedied by talking. I appreciate your ability to filter my thoughts and redirect to a pretty basic problem. While typing this response I had to fight off every ",but really..." "although" and other excuses to defer probable cause from myself. It was pretty humbling.
I still feel a bit of resentment though at times. At my core I feel sad. Sure I've had happy days but if I were to sit and reflect I'm not sure either I or Steve would say we're truly happy. We're happy to have each other but there's been so much extra garbage piled on top. Lost dreams for Steve, constantly rescheduling with friends, my own personal diet, financial struggles with medical bills. Just today we got a past due notice for his Humira that neither of us knew about
. He'll now be over due for his dose by 8 days.
The 2 years leading up to our marriage I had been able to lose 30 pounds. In the last 6 months I've gained all of that plus an extra 10 on top of it because I've allowed myself to eat what he eats (very little vegetables/fruit and a lot of carbohydrates) So that bums me out. Recently I've been more intentional about
taking care of myself and eluding my attention off of Steve. I've been counting calories again and going to the gym (with pretty mild success, though still progress)
I don't know.... you're right though communication would save us a lot of conflicts. We only have one full bathroom and Steve always locks the door. Even when he forgets and I
open it to ask a question his first reflex is to draw the shower curtain. He does this ritual of hopping from tub to relax, to toilet (repeat) and then to shower to clean off.
Post Edited (jessltc) : 1/28/2014 7:00:37 AM (GMT-7)