Or, to give it its technical name, patency capsule.
I had to stop eating and drinking at 10pm the night before and be at the hospital by 8:30am. It was all over by about
8:45am. The nurse gave me a gigantic pill to swallow, which I gamely did with a large slug of water. She asked me if I wanted to take a photo. The thought hadn't even occurred to me, but apparently there are actually people who like to take photos of the pill and upload them to Facebook. So I got my phone out and took a snapshot. It came out too dark, but I felt like asking the nurse to stand there with a pill in her palm for five minutes while I fiddled around with the ISO settings was taking the piss a bit.
I was given several pairs of disposable gloves to fish around for the capsule with, which I regarded with no small amount of horror. I'm to call the nurse when I see the pill, which I haven't yet. On the other hand, it wouldn't surprise me if I have already passed the pill without seeing it, given that I haven't been able to bring myself to use a single pair of the gloves.
I couldn't eat for two hours after swallowing the pill, whereupon I could have a light snack. I asked the nurse what that meant. She gave examples of a sandwich or a jacket potato. I managed to persuade myself that a Chicken Sandwich meal counted as a "light snack", and went to McDonald's at midday. I needed to go while I was there. The toilet was impeccably clean to be fair, unlike "the worst toilet in Scotland"*, but I wasn't fishing around in a McDonald's toilet bowl. No... just no.
After lunch, I went to my gardening place, where I do gardening with a group on Monday afternoons. Needed to go when I got there. I peered intently into the toilet bowl, but all I could see were a few sad-looking beanspouts floating in the water (we'd had a Chinese takeaway the evening before). I prodded mournfully at the semi-formed stool with a small branch I had picked up on the way to the toilet, but it just muddied the waters even more, so to speak.
Last night I didn't feel too well, but a large part of that was probably down to sleep deprivation. The food probably didn't help either, but I find it makes no difference to my symptoms whether I eat the healthiest, most organic, food in the world or a Chicken Sandwich meal. If anything I probably overdid the fibre with the beansprouts. Anyway, I went to bed and had a dull ache in my lower right quadrant, which kept me awake for a while. Suspected it was the pill. But even though I got up a few times to have a BM, I couldn't see anything. Even in my own bathroom I couldn't face using those sodding gloves.
Don't forget, I don't have a colon so I never get solid stool. It's either type 6 or 7 on the bristol stool chart, which means that there is nothing to really get a hold of. The most solid type of stool I manage to pass is a formless mush which instantly sinks to the bottom of the bowl.
I hope I see this pill today. I don't have any pain at the moment, but I don't want to have to go back into hospital for an abdominal x-ray
*Don't watch the YouTube video of this Trainspotting scene unless you have a strong stomach