I am sorry you are going through this.
Before you do anything else find out which state takes a more protective stance towards wives.....which state has settlement laws more favorable towards you.....and get a GREAT attorney. One with a mean right hook that will fight for you when you can't fight for yourself. Your divorce should be filed in the state that will afford you better protection. Make 3 copies of all checking/savings/investment/retirement information. (One for you, your attorney and a copy for someone else to hold for you) Do not act like it is over with your spouse until after you have done the above. Do not let him know what you are doing. After speaking to your attorney then make a decision. Do not use his attorney...., I believe his attorney will/should request you sign a disclaimer stating the person the attorney was first representing will still be his client and the attorney can still seek the best outcome for their client. Even if you do not sign anything the fact remains that the person that contacted and paid the attorney first is the primary client. Personally I would never use the same attorney. Please note I am not giving legal advice and am offering only my personal opinions.
Emotionally...seek out a counselor that can help you build up your self esteem and work through this difficult time. Talk to others... This situation will steal away and erode your self confidence if you let it. Please make sure your son gets help also. His world has shifted. He probably is having difficulties coming to term with this also. The counselor your spouse chose may hate women or marriage. (They too are impacted by their life journey and are biased. Even when you think you have it (biase) under control. ..you don't) Don't go back to that counselor . Personally I would write a letter regarding his statements to the licensing board. Jerk.
Cheating is called cheating because someone did not play by the rules. They cheated you and your family out of the time you all could have spent working on your relationships, they cheated you out of possibilities, they cheated you out of making the best decisions for you and your children by providing false information, not being honest and upfront so that you all could have had a better outcome. They are selfish....thinking only of their own needs. Now you have some of the information. It is a painful time. It is also a time where you can now be selfish and make the best decision for you and your child/ children--without worrying about
the impact it will have on your spouse. Right now you are fighting for how you will live for the rest of your life (so its not a time to be Kind hearted...let your attorney guide you) and you are setting the example of how people should treat, be treated, and how to handle lifes curveballs, disappointment, and expectations. Your son will be watching and learning from you.
I too would research exactly where this occurred and where the other woman lives. I would also wonder why your spouse told you now. Always ask yourself what the other person has to gain or lose and why...
Finally, please make sure you take care of yourself. Keep up with your meds....try to avoid stress...and know that we are here to bounce ideas off of or just to vent.
Please check in so we know how you are doing.
Post Edited (clo2014) : 3/13/2017 12:16:58 PM (GMT-6)