I'm so sorry. I know a bit of how you feel. I got my recto-vaginal fistula just four months after I got married, a little over 5 years ago. It still has never healed, but I had a seton in it for a while, and the skin around it healed over. Kind of like an ear piercing, if that makes sense. Now it's just there. It can cause some problems at times - sometimes it aches, or after sex it might be painful if the angle was weird. And if I need to pass gas, I can't hold it in. I had to have c-sections with my kids because of the fear of tearing more with dilation.
But honestly, it's really gotten easier and been okay. It doesn't really act up, and it's become no more different to me than any other gross thing my body might do (like ear wax or snot).
I think you should have a colonoscopy to check for Crohn's. If so, then you could start a biologic like Remicade and those have pretty good success rates for helping fistulae heal.
"For this thing I besought the Lord thrice that it depart from me. He said, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities; I take pleasure in infirmities, reproaches, necessities, persecutions, distresses, for when I am weak, then am I strong" 2 Cor