Yes, that sounds just like my dad! He can't bear looking foolish or wrong in anybody else's eyes. If somebody has a different opinion to him, particularly about
something he feels strongly about
, he takes it so personally: like it's an assault on him
rather than his opinion. And he spends hours a day watching YouTube videos. He never used to be politically minded; now he falls for everything the alt-right says. He's completely paranoid about
government - he sees the malign hand of the government in everything. He's lost his temper at more dinner parties than I can count. He obviously desperately wants to be seen as normal, but he's too peculiar and intense to successfully pass as a normal, reasonable bloke with normal, reasonable views. The wider family have, I think, indulged him a bit too much, but it's what most people do I suppose: look the other way and pretend the crazy rant isn't happening.
Unfortunately, personality-wise, I'm more my dad's daughter than my mum's. And I've spent my entire life battling it and trying not to be the same way. Three years ago I was diagnosed with autism, which did explain quite a lot about
my early life. Not sure if this is relevant, but the psychiatrist who diagnosed me thought my dad had it and even offered to assess him. My mum was with me and basically said, ooh no, I don't think so. Not because she thought he didn't have it, but she didn't even want to bring up the possibility with him. I suppose because she knew he wouldn't accept it, as he has always denied having anything wrong with him, e.g. depression.
That said, autism wouldn't excuse any of your husband's behaviour
, even if he had it. He would still need to take full responsibility for his behaviour
and make some serious, permanent changes. And from everything you've said, I can't see it happening. I know of one autistic married man who has managed to make some changes for the better, but he was never as far gone as my dad or your husband to begin with.
As for your husband's tantrums about
taking meds, this is ridiculous. He needs to stop! No discussion, no compromise, he just needs to stop. Please don't give in to this; as you assert more autonomy he will get worse unfortunately - that's inevitable. But if you give in, he will also get worse too (I've seen it with my dad). Ultimately there is absolutely no placating people like your husband. The more you give in for a quiet life, the more they think they can get away with - it's just endless. These people have no sense of personal boundaries: they are suffocating.
But I'm very glad you seem to be slowly realising that it's not your fault and that you are starting to think about
yourself for a change. One step at a time, definitely. And starting with your Crohn's is the best place to start: good health makes us much stronger.
Dx Crohn's in June 2000. (Yay )
Tried: 5-ASAs, azathioprine, 6MP, Remicade, methotrexate, Humira, diets.
1st surgery 20/2/13 - subtotal colectomy with end ileostomy.
2nd surgery 10/7/15 - ileorectal anastomosis. Stoma reversed and ileum connected to the rectum.
Current status: Chronic flare. Do I have any other kind?
Current meds: 50mg 6MP; Entyvio (started 3/11/16)