Help!! My husband blames me for having crohns and says im selfish

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Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 10082
   Posted 9/25/2017 1:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Bipolar is another possibility too. I think one of my brothers has it, while another brother is on the autism spectrum like me - what a family we are.

People like your husband are actually dangerous :/ Well, not so long as nobody believes them, but if they have influence over just even one person, they're dangerous. And do tell your doctors the truth about why you haven't been taking your medication: your husband can only get away with what he does because he's doing it in secret. There's no way he would tell any doctor his lunatic theories face-to-face.

No problem. I'm honestly glad we could help. Feel free to carry on posting. I'm about to have a late dinner now; that won't do my stomach any good at bedtime >.>
Dx Crohn's in June 2000. (Yay skull)
Tried: 5-ASAs, azathioprine, 6MP, Remicade, methotrexate, Humira, diets.
1st surgery 20/2/13 - subtotal colectomy with end ileostomy.
2nd surgery 10/7/15 - ileorectal anastomosis. Stoma reversed and ileum connected to the rectum.
Current status: Chronic flare. Do I have any other kind?
Current meds: 50mg 6MP; Entyvio (started 3/11/16)

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2014
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 9/25/2017 2:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Your husband is a danger to you. If he truly doesn't believe modern medicine is helpful then he is a danger to your children as well. There's such a thing as medical neglect.

You need a therapist that knows chronic health issues and you need to start breaking away from your husband. He is abusive. This is abusive. This belittling you and blaming you for things beyond your control are classic gasslighting. He's convincing you that you are the problem. You are not. You need the medications and he is the very big problem here

ETA: I popped over from UC because I saw this in active stuff. I hope you don't mind me giving my thoughts

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 15384
   Posted 9/25/2017 4:57 PM (GMT -7)   
He's extremely selfish himself. Funny that he can't see that... If he wasn't selfish, he would do research and become aware of what you're dealing with and realize it's a chronic condition that he's not going to cure with his dumb plan. What if one of the children gets IBD? Will he make fun of them and tell them they are selfish? Would you start seeing him for who he is if he did call them names like he does you?

He sounds like an immature infant with a wife and children. eyes He's probably in way over his head.
Co-moderator: Ulcerative Colitis
Currently: no meds. 6/15 Step One J-pouch Surgery Complete! 9/15 Step Two Complete! 11/15 Step 3 Complete!

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish.

Post Edited (notsosicklygirl) : 9/25/2017 6:00:57 PM (GMT-6)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 4383
   Posted 9/25/2017 6:58 PM (GMT -7)   
Good for you that you are going to the GI and are willing to take medication. I think then, individual therapy might make sense for you to work on your self esteem and process all your feelings. The marital therapist may have been asking for your reaction to what your husband said about the cookies so you could defend yourself, but you may have taken it as criticism. Either way, it seems like you need your own safe space in individual therapy to sort out what is going on for you.
Only you can decide what you need to to and whether or not to leave the marriage. I know all of us here on the forum are trying to be helpful, but marriages and relationships are very complicated and professional help will be even more useful with this stuff. I agree with NCOT that you need a therapist you like and trust, so don't be afraid to see more than one person if you don't click with the first therapist you see. You can ask your family doc or GI if they have someone to recommend for you. You need someone who is knowledgable about chronic disease and willing to read up on Crohn's, so they don't think idiotic things like eating a cookie is causing the problems. Good luck with everything.
58 yr. old female, diagnosed with Crohn's in terminal ileum Sept-Oct. 2007. Dx. with c.difficile 1/12, 10/14, 11/15, 1/16. Fecal transplant on 2/24/16, and so far, no more c.diff!

5/20/14: Ileo-colic resection surgery after stricturing and partial bowel obstruction.
Not currently on any Crohn's meds and in remission, but struggling with bad IBS.

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2014
Total Posts : 2076
   Posted 9/25/2017 9:47 PM (GMT -7)   
So glad you are going to see the dr..and get help..

Hey , none of us would take meds unless we had to.

But at some point , we do have to choose quality of life.

are there also supplements that could speed healing? Might be good to ask.

Take care
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