Had some tragic news

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straydog
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   Posted 11/29/2017 9:28 AM (GMT -7)   
Well, every stinking time I flip my laptop on all you see is the hoopla of these two. I am so, so tired of it already, lol. Same with tv, first thing this morning on the news they were talking about them with their pics splashed across the tv.
Susie
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notsosicklygirl
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   Posted 11/29/2017 9:54 AM (GMT -7)   
we may be the crabbiest people on the planet, or maybe a lot of people don't care, & are sick of hearing about it. I've seen at least 20 news pieces on it since the announcement, and they will sneak it into a regular news show so you can't avoid it. She is absolutely gorgeous, but I've even been spammed with mail about her beauty routine. Sorry, but there are tons of beautiful people out there, and we don't need to know all their routines. I won't look like that even if I used all those $100 lotions and whatnot. I guess people will publish whatever sells...
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Bull101
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   Posted 11/29/2017 12:33 PM (GMT -7)   
NiceCupOfTea said...
See my last post.

I'm not going on any trip. And I would have paid for myself. Look, I know you begrudge paying anything towards the society that you live in, even schools, but don't project your attitude onto me. I would have willingly paid my own air fare, costs towards food, etc. But I was never even given the option.


I'm really sorry for your loss.

However, if you can afford it, and you're 42, meaning a very grown adult, why didn't you initiate the trip before even your mother and brother if you care so much about the principle? I'd say you're plenty old enough to have said the second you found out "okay, I'm going to plan a trip to his town. Does anybody else in the family want to go?"

NiceCupOfTea
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   Posted 11/29/2017 12:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Bull101 said...
However, if you can afford it, and you're 42, meaning a very grown adult, why didn't you initiate the trip before even your mother and brother if you care so much about the principle? I'd say you're plenty old enough to have said the second you found out "okay, I'm going to plan a trip to his town. Does anybody else in the family want to go?"


Why did you even bother posting this rubbish? What business is it of yours?

I've never even met my brother's girlfriend and I've never been to Vilnius (can't be bothered keeping the place a secret anymore). I'm not the sort of person to turn up at strangers' doorsteps without an invitation or impose myself on them. Besides which, at first it was just my brother who was going to go - apparently he wanted to question Tim's friends (sure they would have loved you playing police detective, you absolute imbecile, P****). But at some point along the way it turned into a jolly family jaunt. I'm being sarcastic about the 'jolly' bit but not about the not being asked if I wanted to join them bit.

Poppie
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   Posted 11/29/2017 2:19 PM (GMT -7)   
notsosicklygirl said...


You really probably should cut them off, they sound toxic. The problem is just that you will end up in your own little world & with the social anxiety, it could be lonely shakehead



I don't speak to my parents.....I had to cut them off...my Mothers is a Narcissist and my father is an enabler. They never hugged/kissed or showed any feeling toward me or to my two older sisters.

When I was eleven they told us we were moving house, but not with them! We all had to move into an apartment next door, and I remember my oldest sister (13) was given money to buy food. They just didn't want us around....

I mention this only to let you know that it is not that rare to have unloving parents. That being said, you are on your own and I agree with nssg you could end up being very lonely and depressed.
Samantha
Stopped smoking Jan 2013. Diagnosed Left sided UC, 8th Feb 2014.
Gluten, Dairy, Sulfite, Salicylate, and Histamine intolerant.
Home FMT treatment in July 2016 to ward off reoccurrence of C DIfficile.
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NiceCupOfTea
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   Posted 11/29/2017 2:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Poppie said...
When I was eleven they told us we were moving house, but not with them! We all had to move into an apartment next door, and I remember my oldest sister (13) was given money to buy food. They just didn't want us around....


Holy crap, that's brutal. We at least all lived in the same house, but when we were children we could only come down in the mornings when our dad allowed us to come down, and he and my mum always had dinner alone - the kitchen door was shut and we weren't allowed to go in until my parents' dinner was over. On top of that, we also couldn't make noise like normal children but had to be quiet all the time because my dad can't tolerate noise. My nephews (my parents' grandsons) very rarely stayed at my parents' house but when they did my mum would keep them quiet for hours in the mornings 'cos my dad didn't get up until about midday and my mum was terrified of him being woken up early.

Another thing:

A few months ago I had a conversation with my mum about why she wouldn't let my dad throw me out of home, but let him do it to Tim (my youngest brother). According to her Tim could handle it, but I couldn't. Well, he obviously couldn't handle it, at least not forever. If it wasn't so tragic, I'd laugh at the way my dad pretends it's some great mystery why my brother killed himself. Dad, how about if you'd been a less sh!t dad, maybe my brother would still be alive today?

Anyway, thanks Poppie. I'm glad you were able to make a new life for yourself. (If I remember rightly you are British but living in America?)

ambling
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   Posted 11/29/2017 5:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Flowers can grow in even the poorest soil.... there are some flowers here including you ncot.

(Perhaps we can all got to the "ghetto" and see how that poor girl managed )

NiceCupOfTea
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   Posted 11/29/2017 6:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you ambling. That was nice... (not being sarcastic).

Just noticed I starred out Peter's name but not Tim's. Oh well, you know the names of two of my brothers now, folks!

notsosicklygirl
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   Posted 11/29/2017 7:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Yes, come visit the ghetto.

My parents are also toxic and I have very little to do with them - I moved thousands of miles away to be disconnected from them and the past. I can't believe we all have such terrible upbringings, but to be honest, I think it was common at that time. People these days seem to have more actual interest in their immediate family, and it's less something people do to "fit in" or because it's something to do.

My mom seriously used kids as a way to get married and avoid taking care of herself financially. Then my father turned out to be lazy, and selfish and sort of left us destitute. He didn't technically go anywhere, just wasn't the supportive/money-maker my mom wanted. At that point my mom felt like he hadn't held up his end of the bargain, and got hateful and vengeful. She hated him with a passion, always taking jabs and arguing. My mother doesn't like music. Yup! She hates music. So the house was always quiet, aside from her getting heated, yelling and watching inane TV shows. We had fights that got physical and I will never forgive that, but beyond that, she is a narcissist and it was a classic case of golden child & my sister was the golden. I haven't talked to her in years because I see how she treated me and I don't have any respect for her. My dad on the other hand, has his head so far up his keester, that you can tell him you hate bananas for years, and he will still buy you bananas every time you see him. In addition to his lack of interest in anything you say or do, he also has OCD and can't break habits. He is a nice person (as nice a person as one can be when they are only focused on themselves) so I've learned to accept that he doesn't mean to have these whacky character traits. He's suffered from depression, and my mom really put him through the ringer hanging around for so long, and then leaving him the moment she retired from her job - a job which was close to the house they lived. She basically stuck around for convenience. I had been telling him that for years though and he never "got it". Oh well, now he's a single old man with nothing & no hopes for a companion. He's also an ageist so that's not helping. I never heard of a young woman who wants to date a broke, lazy, selfish, old fella. Oh yeah, my family has never had any money, so I ended up with loads of debt, and I've worked literally since I was a child. I either had a job, or I did odd jobs. We lived in a house we couldn't afford, and instead of downsizing, they just kept refinancing... my mom pretended she had no idea what was going on, as if she was just a bystander in the poor status of the finances, of course and blamed it all on my dad. I was bullied because I wasn't able to do the things other kids did, didn't have nice stuff... such is life. Last night it was freezing and I was remembering how when I was a child, I would literally sleep in heavy clothes head to toe because our home was so cold - my parents struggled to pay the bills. I was freezing myself out last night, but my place only went down to 67 or so and I could have turned on the heat, I just didn't feel like getting up.

Anyway, now i am a hermit and I stay to myself. If your family is anything like what I described above, I can't imagine how you tolerate hanging around with them for more than a few hours at a time. I can tolerate my dad in very limited doses, and mom my not at all. You deserve to be surrounded by loving people, who treat you well.


Gosh that was quite a novel of misery.

I think Poppie lives in costa rica for some reason.
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notsosicklygirl
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   Posted 11/29/2017 7:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Omg, a big huge princess story on the news. Someone please put an end to it.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish.

NiceCupOfTea
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Date Joined Jan 2010
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   Posted 11/30/2017 7:17 AM (GMT -7)   
nssg - Are you sure your mum isn't my dad's long lost cousin? >_>. He hates music too. Or at least any music that isn't dreary medieval church music. Thank god he hardly plays that stuff anymore; it was the only music we heard around the house as youngsters because while he could play his rubbish music at any volume he liked, he couldn't tolerate any of our music at any volume - even innocuous stuff like The Beatles or Irish folk music (hardly talking Death Metal here).

My dad is American by the way. He's from Philadelphia originally, but moved to England in the '60s and never went back to America, not even for a visit. My mum is half English, half Irish, but born and brought up in England. Sadly my dad discovered politics on the internet a few years ago and has become a fully paid up member of the alt-right in his old age. He actually believes they're the only people telling the truth. You'd think at his age he would have learnt not to trust in people so blindly, but he's convinced he's a master reader of people, even though he can read them about as well as I can read Sanskrit.

Anyway, I'm sorry about your unhappy upbringing: that does sound pretty grim. I don't blame you for moving as far away as possible. It would be one thing if bad parents admitted to their mistakes and tried to make amends, but that's the last thing that any of them seem to do.

Also, I think you're right about Costa Rica. In fact I know you are, 'cos I remember it now.
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iPoop
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   Posted 11/30/2017 8:03 AM (GMT -7)   
There's at least some solace in not being the only one, unfortunately, more common than it should really be. As cathartic and wonderful it would be to hear your mum or dad say they've been bad parents (and by all sounds they have been) it is very unlikely they will. If you've been close to your parents for 30-40 years and they haven't changed, then what's the odds they'll change soon or even in the next 20 years? People, as a generalization, are set in their ways and don't like admitting their own faults or mistakes. It's uncomfortable for a parent to admit they've been horrible, and then harder still to change and stick with it as a result therein. You are left with either accept them with their faults and remain near them, or you could (as a long-term plan), distance yourself from them and reduce contact with them if they only give you stress as NotSoSicklyGirl, Poppie, and others have. It really depends how bad it is, how much stress it brings, and whether you are getting any help/support from your parents at all. Possible you enjoy talking with them when they are not in one of their moods, or that they do help in some small ways despite being a thorn in you... hard saying.

If your immediate family sucks, do you at least have any cousins, aunts, uncles, and other family members whom you trust and are supportive rather than hurtful? Anyone nearby or are they a long ways away? Best to have some positive rather than toxic influences who are helpful when you need some positive thoughts! Always give them a call, email, or visit when things are so rough...
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Post Edited (iPoop) : 11/30/2017 8:22:32 AM (GMT-7)


notsosicklygirl
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   Posted 11/30/2017 9:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Princess story on the news this morning upon flipping on the TV. ENOUGH ALREADY!!!! Seriously!

I have a friend who said she grew up eating and gathering items from dumpsters, so I feel bad complaining about my family. They weren't perfect, but they did provide the best they knew how. The part that gets me more than the lack of material stuff, was the lack of time they spent with us. My parents would put us in front of a tv, and go read or watch sports the entire day. I definitely think I could have gone further in life if I had more interested parents. That's all in the past though and I take responsibility for myself at this point.

iPoop is right though, people tend to lean on their parents if their parents have something to offer them. It's interesting. No matter how terrible they are as people, if they are helping financially, people stick around. I personally get nothing from mine, so cutting the cord wasn't too difficult. Sure, if they provided me something materially or emotionally, I would have likely thought twice about going my own way, even if they weren't the best people in the world. The weird thing about going off on your own is when you run into them. I saw my mom a while back, and she tried to have a conversation with me, and I had to squelch it right there. It's hard to tell someone you used to know that you no longer want anything to do with them, especially in person. When you see them, you tend to focus on the good, and feel bad. Telling them it's over repeatedly on email/phone is not that same as having them coming directly into your face and stating that they would like to make amends, and you saying you're not interested. It's not fun, but you have to do what's best for you.

That's really interesting that your dad's from PA. My family is from the northeast. My dad's enamored with all the alt right news lately too. it is bizarre. He still sends out email chains, like it's 1995. I wonder if anyone ever responds. I do maybe one out of 20, and my response is "this is stupid, stop sending it to me", or "you're aware that story is false and here's the evidence". He's just generally out of it and has no idea what's appropriate.

Another day of the grind... I am going to put on some of that Irish music, it's so uplifting. Dreary medieval church music, I don't think I am familiar with the genre. Perhaps I will check it out later. smile
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish.

Post Edited (notsosicklygirl) : 11/30/2017 9:22:32 AM (GMT-7)


U B Tough
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Date Joined Aug 2015
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   Posted 11/30/2017 10:00 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear Miranda,

I have no words except to say how profoundly sorry I am, not only for the loss of your brother Tim, but for the tragedy of your upbringing. We are a product of how we were raised and there is some truth to your dad not knowing how to parent because his dad didn't know how to parent. I can 100% relate to most of what you've said. Same family dynamics and dysfunciton in my childhood as well. My brother was and is a complete abusive sh!t and of course my mom believes him to be the golden child. I was cut out when my mom had cancer (they 100% ignored me while we were at the doctors and my mom looked really pissed to see me when she woke up after being on a ventilator). Of course this is just the icing on the cake but the point is I've always been ganged up on and my mom took my brother's side when he threw me up against a wall in high school. It seems like she can't learn to have relationship with both her children and always has a nasty thing to say about me.....I went to pick her up for her b'day dinner and the first thing she says is "your hair looks awful! Is THAT what you're wearing??? " Frankly, I looked pretty rockin ! ) I don't know why moms are so hard on their daughters. But I do know that she won't change. At 81 she won't change. BUT I can change my behaviour towards her or how I react. I'm in control of my behaviour toward her (whether it's to cut her off, which I have done in the past. distance myself, use humor to deflect her toxic tongue or in the b'day case I told her I could go home and leave her b'day celebration to herself). There's a bind though. I have no other family (blood relative here in Canada). As you know my mom has an ileo and I feel empathy for what she has suffered as a result. I also know that when I was at my lowest in Sept 2016 with this disease that it was my mom who I called crying that I wanted to commit suicide and when I'm in the hospital she's the only one I have to help me shower, bring me lotion and care packages of food etc). I don't know how I would have survived this last 15 months without her, especially that dreadful 6 week hospital stay. At 44 I've gained some perspective and can appreciate having her when I need her but also know her limitations as a parent. My mom was raised in a convent so you know....that can't be good! (She's also got the martyr trophy and of course all her friends think we get along! ) It's hard to deal with though. I still get hurt by her sharp tongue but also feel I need to be there as she ages. Oh the ties that bind. Families are so complicated and my response will always keep changing as a result but now I know I'm strong enough to control what I do and when I do it.

I don't think you're terrible surprised that you weren't "invited" to go scatter your brothers ashes but it's beyond hurtful that your entire family couldn't even agree to grieve together. Here's where you get to take control.....if YOU want to go, go. It may not be today, but maybe in the future you'll just want to visit that country to be "closer" to his life, to see what attracted him to live there, maybe to have tea with his gf to comfort her....etc If you want to hold your own memorial to Tim do so. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Plant a tree, light a candle....do whatever you need to do when you are ready. (Amblings words are beautiful).

You are a strong, determined, powerful, smart, gifted and beautiful woman Miranda. A tough chick if there ever was one and I'm proud to get to know you through this forum.

BTW: Poppie lives in CR. Rather than the LA ghetto, let's pop by Poppie's! Although it's warm in Toronto, it is gloomy and grey these days. A little sun and sand would do us a world of good.

Thinking of you.

Poppie
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   Posted 11/30/2017 10:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi, Yeah, I'm English but living in Costa Rica.

nsssg..Gawd that sounds grim! It takes some resilience and strength not to see one's parents, but I am sure you have learned from past experience that it never works to do so, as they always make you feel like crap afterwards.

All the time I lived with them I had a strange nagging feeling in my gut and only when I left (I ran away from home) did it go..it must have been acute anxiety I think.
Samantha
Stopped smoking Jan 2013. Diagnosed Left sided UC, 8th Feb 2014.
Gluten, Dairy, Sulfite, Salicylate, and Histamine intolerant.
Home FMT treatment in July 2016 to ward off reoccurrence of C DIfficile.
Failed Pentasa, Azathioprine and finally Methotextrate due to allergies/intolerance. Taking Humira. Have finally come off Prednisone Yay!!!

notsosicklygirl
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Date Joined Dec 2008
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   Posted 11/30/2017 10:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Costa Rica does sound like a nice get away from the ghetto. There was a natural gas leak this AM, so there's a lingering stench.

UB, my mom always pulls that "You're going to wear THAT" stuff. I mean, she used to. Now i wear whatever I want and it hasn't impacted my life one bit, so I guess her fashion advice wasn't as useful as she thought. I didn't realize you and your mom didn't get along. I am sorry to hear it. I know what you mean, who else would help out like that when you need them? My mom is very helpful as well. She would jump in and do whatever necessary if I needed her. That was her one good trait.

Poppie, I am happy you've been able to free yourself of the negativity that was put on you smile

NCOT, I like UB's idea of doing something in remembrance when you're ready. She's right, it doesn't have to be now, but you can make it happen when you're ready.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish.

Dimitri71
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Date Joined Jul 2017
Total Posts : 77
   Posted 11/30/2017 11:10 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear Miranda, I hope you are better.
This is a superb thread. It is very interesting and touches everyone.
It only shows how frequent problems are within families.
I just want to briefly "de profundis" give you my story. Pardon my English because I am not native.
I am 45 and have three kids and grew up in a divorced family, and had my (huge) share of problems, especially during adolescence.
When I married and eventually had kids and grew financially independent, I decided to distance myself from my parents (I was around 35 years old or so). This lasted for about 10 years or so.
I really did not "need" my parents in the strict sense, after all I was strong, young, self sufficient with a large happy family and a great wife. This is still true (well I' m not that young anymore and have a fistula, but that's a detail!!!).
This year I thought about my parents a lot. I thought about them getting older, not being invincible anymore. I thought how easy it is in life to make mistakes, to fall into temptation, to become tired of supporting a family, how human that is essentially. Nobody's perfect.
In the beginning of the year I made a conscious decision to approach my parents again, and to push myself to NOT JUDGE them.
It was the best decision I ever made in my life. During the last year or so my soul feels whole.
One thing that really helped me bring out the best in them was to think of our top 20 moments together (our 20 best memories).
They have their fallacies, sure, but who am I to judge? I am just a human being, they brought to life...My parents are not much of huggers, so I make sure I hug them and kiss them when I see them..Now I never get angry with them..I just bring them gifts and try to make them happy.
That's my story.
I wish you all the best.

U B Tough
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Date Joined Aug 2015
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   Posted 11/30/2017 11:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Well said Dimitri... ( I too am a chronic fistula suffer since Aug 10,16. Peri anal and recto vag).

I really had to think about my moms upbringing to have some sense of empathy for her but also to know how to handle her moods. She was born in 1936 at a time when children were seen and not heard. Her mom (my grandmother) was an orphan (don't know anything other than that.) My mom was sent away to live in a convent because that's just what they did. Reflecting on her history makes it a bit easier when I need to distance myself from her stuff. I think she projects al ot of her issues on to me. It still hurts but as I said, I can control how I react and I believe she only parented the best way she knew.

I guess we're all going through some sort of mid-life crisis...mid 40's combined with illness causes one to take stock of relationships. Personally, I'd rather go out and buy a sports car or something wildsmile

Thank you Miranda. I know this time is excruciating for you, but this thread has turned out to be wonderful.

NSSG-- that's the thing. It's a toxic relationship and always has been. I went years without talking to her and my brother. I needed that time to protect myself and to learn to be happy and proud of myself without her approval. There will always be a "push pull" sort of thing. I don't want her to suffer and when she needs help I'll be there but I distance myself when she gets nasty.
female, Canada

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straydog
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Date Joined Feb 2003
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   Posted 11/30/2017 11:53 AM (GMT -7)   
I honestly believe that the parenting skills are passed down generation to generation. My dad's mother is the only grandmother I knew. She scared me as a kid & to this day I honestly do not think she liked me or anyone for that matter. I never saw the woman smile, never heard her laugh, she spoke very little & when she did she was hateful. In general she always appeared to be pi$$ed off at the world & everyone in it. I heard the stories of her & the leather strap she used on them too. My grandfather was the very same way. They raised the kids that way, it got passed on. I have seen pics of my great grandparents on both sides. I know for a fact both of my parents had a very hard upbringing. With some once they become a parent they honestly do not know any better because that is how they were raised.

The world is full of this type of family dynamics. Some people can't talk about it because of embarrassment, humiliation, too painful to bring up old smoldering memories or whatever. Sad but true, to save ourselves sometimes we have to remove our self from the toxic situation in order to heal. I spent more time than I should have blaming them because the only person that was affected by that thinking was me, not them. As I grew older & could look at the big picture, I came to the realization both of them came from a hard family, both had a 7th grade education, very poor with 5 kids they could not take care of let, alone provide basics. I went back generations in the family & their own brothers & sisters were exactly the same way.

I am close to one of my sisters & I guess her & I are warped to an extent. We often laugh about some of those times & the things that happened. I can assure you as kids none of it was funny. Her & I nicknamed our parents June & Ward, as in the Cleavers, lol. A little sick humor can go a long way.

NCOT, I hope you can figure out your path with this so you will have some peace in your life.
Susie
Moderator in Chronic Pain & Psoriasis Forums

Dimitri71
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Date Joined Jul 2017
Total Posts : 77
   Posted 11/30/2017 12:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Sure UB Tough, the car is a must in you mid-forties, it goes without saying hahaha.
We are not "chronic" fistula sufferers, just tempÔś║. We'll fix it. The fistula WILL lose in the end!!

U B Tough
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Date Joined Aug 2015
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   Posted 11/30/2017 12:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Dimitri-- Gosh I hope so. I've had 7 or 8 i & D's since last Aug and was at the surgeons yesterday asking for another. Problem is I can't find anyone to actually fix them here. I've looked into the Mayo but it's well beyond my "pay grade." (I'm on disability). Am thinking of other clinics in the US close to Canadian border. Mind if I ask if your surgeon does LIFTS or FLAPS?

I'm a bit of a speed freak. Love cars. Have a high performance one and have driven many a corvette in my timesmile
female, Canada

IVIG (on hold)


UC/Crohns - tested positive for MAP antibodies & mycobacterium
PG- remission
chronic perianal abscess and fistulas. Failed setons...it was pure torture.
started Stelara May 24, 2017. 150mg imuran

Doing much better and more stable on Stelara. No remission....yet but closer!

IVIG on occasion.

NiceCupOfTea
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 10096
   Posted 11/30/2017 1:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Just when you think things can't get any worse, they get worse.

I got a call on my landline a couple of hours ago. Now the only people who call my landline are my mum and cold callers. I didn't answer it, but afterwards I called 1741 to find out the number. It was withheld. My parents' phone number is withheld, but so are some cold caller numbers, so that didn't tell me anything.

But I've decided it must have been a cold caller sad 1) it was a bit too early for my mum, 2) she usually tries to call again quite quickly if I don't pick up the first time, and 3) it didn't ring for very long - I think she would have let it rung for longer.

So now I feel even worse than I did before.

NiceCupOfTea
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 10096
   Posted 11/30/2017 1:46 PM (GMT -7)   
After every split, I've always been the one to call my mum first. The first split lasted for a few months - I called from hospital during my operation. I daresay if I had never rung her, to this day we wouldn't be speaking. None of my relatives call me either. Peter acts like I don't exist. In fact the whole family act like I don't exist.

I don't even know why I was born really. I certainly don't serve any purpose.
Dx Crohn's in June 2000. (Yay skull)
Tried: 5-ASAs, azathioprine, 6MP, Remicade, methotrexate, Humira, diets.
1st surgery 20/2/13 - subtotal colectomy with end ileostomy.
2nd surgery 10/7/15 - ileorectal anastomosis. Stoma reversed and ileum connected to the rectum.
Current status: Chronic flare. Do I have any other kind?
Current meds: 50mg 6MP; Entyvio (started 3/11/16)

iPoop
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Aug 2012
Total Posts : 11047
   Posted 11/30/2017 2:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Philosophers have been chasing our purpose for ages, it might be just as simple as to persist despite all of the crap that's flung at us. Doesn't have to be anything grandiose or monumental. Helping others and giving advice is noble. Much better than the crazy pursuit of materialistic things. Simple is sometimes good.
Moderator Ulcerative Colitis
John
, 39, UC Proctosigmoiditis
Rx: Remicade @5mgs/kg/6wks; daily 75mgs 6MP, 4.8g generic-Lialda, and rowasa

U.C. = Unimaginable Crapnado

F27
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2016
Total Posts : 875
   Posted 11/30/2017 3:02 PM (GMT -7)   
That's bat-sh7t crazy talk. We all have purpose: can't you see how your honesty and candor brought everyone together on this thread? Can you not see how cathartic this discussion has been for people? YOU made this happen. YOU brought people relief. YOU gave people here a sense of belonging.

Given all the crap you're currently dealing with, no one would begrudge you some time to feel sorry for yourself. But this ain't your first rodeo, M, and every other time your family relationship has fallen apart you've found a way to put it back together. You will do it again.

One part of this whole thing that sucks is that you really need your family right now and they're not there. The other part that sucks is that they don't appear to need you right now. That's a punch in the face, for sure, and that's something you need to address when you go through the next round of familial reconciliation.

You know me, and I like to think I know you. I can't in good conscience blow rainbows up your butt because a) that's not who I am, b) that's not what you need, and c) ewww. Grief is one thing, but Tim's suicide has triggered something dangerously existential in you. You need to get your thinking strait on this, and find a way to renew your family relationships before the guilt, shame, sadness, and anger eat you alive.

You know how much I value you as a friend, and how much I care about you. So I ask you please, with all the loving respect I can muster, dust yourself off and quit selling yourself short.

(hug)
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