Had some tragic news

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gumby44
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 4473
   Posted 12/30/2017 10:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Miranda,
Just checking in and seeing how you are doing. You have been silent for a bit. I hope everything is ok.

NiceCupOfTea
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 10555
   Posted 12/31/2017 6:13 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi folks.

I'm home now. I'm sorry I didn't post yesterday: I took some amitriptyline the night before to help me sleep and it left me a groggy mess all day. So last night I didn't take any, as I have a long drive today. I'm going to visit my friend in south London and spend New Year's Eve with her.

While my friend has been brilliant throughout, I'm afraid I'm still depressed about everything and not in a much better frame of mind before I went into hospital. I'm still not in touch with my parents. On the day I left hospital I had a chat with my new care coordinator. She was concerned about lack of support and wanted to call my mum. She was fairly persistent about it so in the end I said - somewhat shirtily - that I didn't need any practical support, I needed emotional support and my parents couldn't give me that. I also said, even more angrily, that my mum knew I was in this place and she hadn't called me.

That was the only thing which got me riled. For the rest of the conversation I was depressed and immune to being cheered up. I've agreed to go the day hospital on Tuesday morning (Monday is a bank holiday). Not sure what that involves. Whether you get any actual help or if it's just more colouring and arts and crafts stuff.

Sorry I can't bring more positive news or be more positive, but I just feel numb. I've not only lost a brother but the rest of my family. I don't actually give much of a toss about their self-centred arses but the loss of my mum hurts. Oh, I could get in touch with her again. I could deal with her hostility and suspicion until she thaws. I could deal with her drinking, her denials, her ice-cold rage if I overstep myself, her enabling of my narcissistic dad (whilst b!tching to me about him behind his back). And that I am the only person in the world (apart from my brilliant friend) who sees her for what she is: an emotional abuser whose pride is more important than her relationship with me.

The weird thing is, my mum keeps on placating everybody else til the cows come home. My dad, her friend, her sisters (or at least the one she has the closest relationship with and calls everyday). She has never-ending reserves of sympathy for her friend, her sister and her daughter-in-law. And when my maternal grandmother was still alive, my mother was dutifully visiting her twice a week, every week, while the golden children swanned in a few times a year at best.

Anyway, I have nobody else to fill the missing hole in my life. No other family. My mum has been my best "friend" all my life. She always seemed so sane and realistic compared to my frankly bonkers dad. While I still think she is a lot less delusional than he is, she has a fair number of delusions herself. I will never know what role, if any, my parents played in my brother's death. But considering my brother spent many years trying to speak to my mum about his childhood and his feelings, but not getting anywhere (my mum simply dismissed them, as she did with me - I eventually gave up trying and so did my brother), it's hard for me to believe that they didn't have some part to play.

I just don't even begin to know how to start processing all this bollocks and move on. Not thinking about it doesn't work - I just go numb, but, like the Crohn's, it hasn't gone anywhere. It's still there, making me deeply depressed.
Dx Crohn's in June 2000. (Yay skull)
Tried: 5-ASAs, azathioprine, 6MP, Remicade, methotrexate, Humira, diets.
1st surgery 20/2/13 - subtotal colectomy with end ileostomy.
2nd surgery 10/7/15 - ileorectal anastomosis. Stoma reversed and ileum connected to the rectum.
Current status: Chronic flare. Do I have any other kind?
Current meds: 50mg 6MP; Entyvio (started 3/11/16)

straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 16381
   Posted 12/31/2017 7:54 AM (GMT -6)   
NCOT, glad to read you are going to spend New Years with your friend. It sure beats sitting home alone. The day hospital thing, even if there is not much offered in way of counseling, if it gets you out of your house that counts for something.

You are right, no one will really know what drove your brother over the edge. You can speculate but that's about it. Only you can decide what to do about your mum. Your parents ways of dealing with things are their way, that will never change. I would still go online & see if you can find some grief support groups in your area.

Some friends of ours son killed his self several years ago. To this day no one knows why. He was young, very successful had no money problems which was highly unusual for someone as young as he was. In other words he had what was considered a very good life. No problems with parents, friends, had a great life going on.

Tx is being hit with an Artic blast, we will have wind chill of zero tonight. This is rare for us & we may get some wintry mix, meaning it could be a dusting of snow or ice. This is far too cold for me. Some outdoor activities are being canceled tonight.

Take care.
Susie
Moderator in Chronic Pain & Psoriasis Forums

Post Edited (straydog) : 12/31/2017 6:10:15 AM (GMT-7)


Poppie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2014
Total Posts : 2140
   Posted 12/31/2017 12:49 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi ncot, I would like to suggest something that I would not ordinarily suggest. I think you should get in touch with your mum, ring her. I think coping with the death of your brother and not speaking with your parents is a recipe for disaster. I know they are not ideal, I get it, but they are all you have.

I have not heard from my mum, but the difference is that it doesn't cut me up because I emotionally distanced myself from the pair of them years ago. But, and more importantly, I am not alone, I have a husband, daughter around me, and so for you being alone it is worse.

Have a think about it. Even if she is a pain in the butt, at least you will not be on your own.
Samantha
Stopped smoking Jan 2013. Diagnosed Left sided UC, 8th Feb 2014.
Gluten, Dairy, Sulfite, Salicylate, and Histamine intolerant.
Home FMT treatment in July 2016 to ward off reoccurrence of C DIfficile.
Failed Pentasa, Azathioprine and finally Methotextrate due to allergies/intolerance. Taking Humira. Have finally come off Prednisone Yay!!!

notsosicklygirl
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 16403
   Posted 12/31/2017 5:22 PM (GMT -6)   
I am happy you're home & that you're going to spend the evening with a friend. I just wish you felt better about the future and your treatment. I don't know what you're going to do about your parents. It seems like they are at the root of a lot of your feelings and while you realize the situation is somewhat toxic to you, you want their support and acceptance. I wish they were there for you more right now, but I also wish you had a better support system outside of your family. It is really hard getting older and being expected to uphold a level of independence, when you really just feel very alone, especially when you have a short tolerance for people, but you're lonely. That is often the conundrum of my life. I have pets to keep me busy, but often my mind goes to the worst places...
Moderator: UC
Currently: no meds 6/15 Step 1 J-pouch Surgery Complete 9/15 Step 2 Complete 11/15 Step 3 Complete
From Sickly to UC Free

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish

gumby44
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 4473
   Posted 12/31/2017 9:40 PM (GMT -6)   
Your mom has lost her son, and it sounds like she doesn't cope well in normal circumstances.
My guess is that she feels shattered and doesn't know how to help you. I'm so sorry she can't be there for you right now, but I hope with time you two can find a way to talk about things. I'm glad you are out of the hospital and with your friend tonight. Happy New Year Miranda. Maybe 2018 will be better. One step at a time.
59 yr. old female, diagnosed with Crohn's in terminal ileum Sept-Oct. 2007. Dx. with c.difficile 1/12, 10/14, 11/15, 1/16. Fecal transplant on 2/24/16, and so far, no more c.diff!

5/20/14: Ileo-colic resection surgery after stricturing and partial bowel obstruction.
Not currently on any Crohn's meds and in remission, but struggling with bad IBS.

Poppie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2014
Total Posts : 2140
   Posted 1/1/2018 11:52 AM (GMT -6)   
nssg..I dont know why I thought you were in a happy relationship. Perhaps I got that wrong. It is hard for people like you, me and ncot no one really understand what its like living a life without parental support.x
Samantha
Stopped smoking Jan 2013. Diagnosed Left sided UC, 8th Feb 2014.
Gluten, Dairy, Sulfite, Salicylate, and Histamine intolerant.
Home FMT treatment in July 2016 to ward off reoccurrence of C DIfficile.
Failed Pentasa, Azathioprine and finally Methotextrate due to allergies/intolerance. Taking Humira. Have finally come off Prednisone Yay!!!

notsosicklygirl
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 16403
   Posted 1/1/2018 11:55 AM (GMT -6)   
I am, but having one person around doesn't really stop loneliness. I do appreciate that I have him in my life though & my pets smile
Moderator: UC
Currently: no meds 6/15 Step 1 J-pouch Surgery Complete 9/15 Step 2 Complete 11/15 Step 3 Complete
From Sickly to UC Free

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish

NiceCupOfTea
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 10555
   Posted 1/1/2018 12:43 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi folks. If I only have one nice day this year, today was it :p Had a really nice time with my friend. We made a pizza for dinner; we even made the dough from scratch using a pizza base mix. Surprisingly, the end result was pretty delicious. We watched the Doctor Who Christmas Special and the Lego Batman movie. Then this morning my friend read while I watched It on her laptop (she's seen it already). It's cool when you can hang out with people without being obligated to talk the whole time.

I'm not getting in touch with my mum. This isn't the first time she has given me the silent treatment and it won't be the last. I'm sick to death of her self-pity and her drinking and her ice-cold rage/resentment. It wasn't my brother's death which made her like that.

My parents are both horrible people who used me as a scapegoat. My dad used to be physically violent towards me until one day I finally turned around and told him that if he ever hit me again I would call the police so fast it would make his head spin. My mum is an enabler and a drunkard - as long as she can get drunk she doesn't care what happens.

Why should I go back to these horrible, repressed people for "support"? Their marriage is a freaking disaster zone. My dad resents my mum; my mum resents my dad. Love is a 4-letter word to them.

NiceCupOfTea
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 10555
   Posted 1/1/2018 12:59 PM (GMT -6)   
Also, there will never, ever, ever, ever be an honest conversation with my mum. Fifty years of marriage to my dad and heavy drinking has scrambled her brain. She's not got dementia but she is utterly rigid and inflexible. She doesn't do remorse or introspection.

All this I found out way way too late.

On a happier note my friend's dogs were absolutely lovely. The smaller of the two laid by my side nearly the whole time I was sat on the sofa. I like her house. She and her husband are very into their hobbies - the husband is into electronics and building stuff (his latest project is an electric powered bicycle), whilst my friend is into dolls houses, reading, and crotcheting. One room is completely taken over by dolls houses, whilst one end of the living room is completely taken up with the husband's bits and bobs. There's also books everywhere, plus two dogs, a guinea pig and a lizard. The even more impressive thing is that the husband is legally blind and one of the dogs is a guide dog. He does have partial vision, though, so he's not completely blind - fortunately. He used to like riding motorbikes but obviously can't anymore, so the electric bike is a kind of substitute motorbike I suppose.

scifigal2k
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2012
Total Posts : 3453
   Posted 1/1/2018 2:15 PM (GMT -6)   
<3 I am so happy to hear that today was a good day! This may sound like a ridiculous or silly question, but have you thought about finding a roommate? Not just some random person, or anything, but maybe someone like this friend? Or if they have an extra room, this exact friend? smile It just might be nice to have someone around.

And bravo....do NOT try to make it work with your parents. Toxic is toxic is toxic. I really hate when people say, "at the end of the day they're still your family." So what? The people who say that are the ones who have good relationships with family members, or at least were able to resolve things. And they only say that AFTER they've resolved things. Maybe, one day, maybe....but you can't force that "one day" to be now.
"For this thing I besought the Lord thrice that it depart from me. He said, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities; I take pleasure in infirmities, reproaches, necessities, persecutions, distresses, for when I am weak, then am I strong" 2 Cor

NiceCupOfTea
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 10555
   Posted 1/1/2018 3:02 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks scifigal :p

It's not a silly question at all, but I only have a 1-bedroom flat so getting a roommate isn't really possible. As for my friend I'm not sure she'd want me moving in with her full time <_<. She does have a spare room but there isn't much spare room left in it, what with all the doll houses and bookcases: I slept on a mattress on the floor last night.

Thank you for being understanding about my parents. I think everyone just assumes all parents automatically love their children and want the best for them - and while I do think that's true for most parents, the older I get, the more I think some parents have a very strange idea of what love means. I'm not ruling out talking to my parents forever. But right now I can't be doing with their mind games. My mum's silent treatments get longer and longer - and indeed if I hadn't broken the last few silences, I'm not sure she ever would have got in touch. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I have tried my best to get along with both parents over the last two years. But they don't change or make any effort to meet you halfway.

straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 16381
   Posted 1/1/2018 3:18 PM (GMT -6)   
NCOT, so happy that you had a good time at your friends house. Pets can be so much comfort. We have a Brittany Spaniel & he is so much company to us. This morning there was some sparrows in a bush in one of the bushes out back. He pointed the sparrows & eventually went over to the bush & the birds flew out. He was startled it was so funny. Not sure what he would do if he ever caught one.

I hope you have some luck this week finding some out patient counseling. Take care.
Susie
Moderator in Chronic Pain & Psoriasis Forums

notsosicklygirl
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 16403
   Posted 1/1/2018 3:44 PM (GMT -6)   
That does sound like a lovely evening and a great start to 2018. You sound like you're in good spirits and I am proud of your strength to step back from your parents. You really need to focus on yourself and your happiness/goals. You are so intelligent, funny, and unique, your parents are very lucky to have raised a person like you, and they should want you in their lives. Not just that, but they should really consider your feelings, and it sounds like you've always been the one jumping through hoops to avoid upsetting them, when they are the ones who desperately need to work on themselves. Your parents do sound exactly like mine though. Pretty shocking that parents like this are common. I don't think I've ever met someone with such a situation, or I guess people don't talk about it. I am sorry that it has come to a separation. Have you ever thought about taking some gigs pet sitting? Maybe you could watch homes for local people & get to spend some time with animals, or even just walk someone's dog while they are at work... People use this service called wag here. I am not sure how you go about signing up to be a walker/sitter, but I would imagine anyone could. It sounds you enjoyed having a dog buddy for the night. smile
Moderator: UC
Currently: no meds 6/15 Step 1 J-pouch Surgery Complete 9/15 Step 2 Complete 11/15 Step 3 Complete
From Sickly to UC Free

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish

scifigal2k
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2012
Total Posts : 3453
   Posted 1/1/2018 5:24 PM (GMT -6)   
What if you were to look for people who were looking for roommates and potentially move in with one of them?

I agree. I've personally had a great relationship with my parents, but I work with foster kids as a CASA volunteer and have seen more than my share of truly horrid parents. Biologically giving birth does NOT make you a parent, let alone a good one.

The idea of them "still being your parent" I think comes from too many TV shows or movies where people reconcile after a lot of hurt, but that never shows the "after" part of the happily ever after, nor does it show the years of pain being gone through.

To some extent, people are right in that you will have a bit of a hole in the part where "loving parents" should go, but that hole can be filled as you choose to fill it with other relationships, like true friends.
"For this thing I besought the Lord thrice that it depart from me. He said, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities; I take pleasure in infirmities, reproaches, necessities, persecutions, distresses, for when I am weak, then am I strong" 2 Cor

Andrina
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 3113
   Posted 1/1/2018 6:35 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Miranda I'm so sorry for your loss of your brother. Soemtimes I tell people to keep a healthy distance from toxic people. In your case your parents. Some things just never change.

How are you doing healthwise?
UC since 2002
Was on Remicade and successfully made the step back to Azathioprine
Currently on 100 mg Azathioprine, Wellbutrin 150 mg, Zoloft 50 mg, CCherbal (as needed), Algaecal
Scope on 6/3/2016 showed no inflammation but scarring
Dexa scan on 7/19/2016 showed decreased bone density. New dexa scan on 10/09/2017, still waiting for results...

BETTY SUE
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2015
Total Posts : 242
   Posted 1/1/2018 9:30 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi NCOT,
Glad you started the New Year with a caring friend. Sometimes we need to make a family outside of the one we were given. This article is a bit old but has some great points on toxic families. You may find some insight in it. I admire your tenacity and your wish to go on, despite the physical and emotional pain you face!

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/20/health/20mind.html

NiceCupOfTea
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 10555
   Posted 1/2/2018 12:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Afternoon folks.

I went to the day hospital this morning from 9-12:30. My heart sank slightly when we were ushered into an art therapy room: visions of adult colouring books descended upon me. On the plus side, I didn't do a single bit of colouring in. On the down side, I didn't do any talking either. There was a group of about ten people. As seems utterly typical with these sort of groups, a couple of people do 80% of the talking about themselves. One of them was a chap who was constantly putting not only his foot in it, but his three other limbs as well. The other was an ex-army fellow who'd been in the army for 20 years and was suffering from PTSD. The latter was articulate and a good speaker; he had been doing a good job of holding it together with jokes and banter, until he suddenly got up and walked out of the room. I didn't know why, but a couple of minutes later I found out: the foot-in-mouth chap had asked the ex-army chap if he had killed anyone in Afghanistan. I did the biggest mental facepalm ever.

Didn't think the army fellow would come back after that, but he came about half an hour later and told the group that, yes, he had killed 6 people and that he was haunted by the fact that 6 families had a son, brother or husband who wouldn't be coming home. I mean, what does anyone say to something like that? You can't really say it's okay, can you? But on the other hand I hardly wanted to make his obvious guilt worse.

After the mid-morning break there was creative writing, which I was quite looking forward to: I hadn't been able to talk about anything, but maybe I could write a story which reflected my feelings. Unfortunately the 'creative' writing was nothing more than thinking up a few New Year's Eve resolutions (called "improvements" in this case) and saying what you would do to reach them. Everyone else came up with the usual stuff: eat more healthily, exercise more, lose weight, sleep better. Except me. I can't eat more healthily 'cos Crohn's, my BMI is normal, and if I could obtain 8 hours of high quality, refreshing sleep every night, I'd already be doing it. So I just left it, because I honestly couldn't think of a single thing in my life that I was capable of improving any time soon - all my problems come under the heading of insoluble.

In fact the whole thing got on my nerves. I'm not 10 years old, so I don't need lectures on how sleep is good for you or how important healthy eating is. Not that the staff were lecturing us to be fair, but, to me at least, it all feels so simplistic and patronising, as well as being stuff I've heard a million times before. I really, really hope the whole 2 weeks isn't going to be like this. I'll continue going, because there's not exactly a lot else to do. And I get a free lift there and back.

@nssg - I could think of worse things to do than pet-sitting, that's for sure. I have thought about trying to get volunteer work with animals in some capacity. I've never been one of those people to say I prefer animals to humans, but the older I get the more perilously close I get to saying that.

@scifigal - Giving up my housing association flat and moving in with unknown roommates is too risky for me :/

@Andrina - My bowels are holding up fairly well, all things considering >_>. Luckily none of recent stress seems to have made them any worse.

*3 hours later* Urgh, lack of sleep and an overly large lunch caught up with me and I crashed out on the sofa >.> @Betty Sue - I checked the link: it was an interesting read, thank you.

Poppie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2014
Total Posts : 2140
   Posted 1/2/2018 5:10 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi ncot, I am glad to hear that you have had a wonderful time with your friend which has clearly left you feeling stronger about the situation with your parents. I think you need to make a real determined effort to cultivate new relationships. I know that isn't your forte (it's not mine either) but I do believe it is the key towards moving forward and away from your dependency on your parents. It will make a huge difference to you, but you will have to step outside of your comfort zone and tackle this as if you were going for a top level job.


Sit down with pen and paper and write down ideas of where people go to socialize. Go to the library, look online and find out whats going on. In your shoes I would book myself into some classes, like painting, a new language class, or yoga, anything really that sounds remotely interesting.

See it as something that you have to do whether you like it or not...You will likely have some painful experiences but eventually, you will be able to weed out the people that don't appeal and you can keep the ones that do.

nssg...Yes, I know what you mean.
Samantha
Stopped smoking Jan 2013. Diagnosed Left sided UC, 8th Feb 2014.
Gluten, Dairy, Sulfite, Salicylate, and Histamine intolerant.
Home FMT treatment in July 2016 to ward off reoccurrence of C DIfficile.
Failed Pentasa, Azathioprine and finally Methotextrate due to allergies/intolerance. Taking Humira. Have finally come off Prednisone Yay!!!

straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 16381
   Posted 1/3/2018 1:18 PM (GMT -6)   
NCOT, I think its good that you plan to attend the sessions for a couple of weeks. If nothing else, it gets you out of the house for a bit. Who knows the loud mouth hopefully will be at the end of his tenure there in that program. We can always hope, lol.

Tx has been in a deep freeze the past 72 hours, in the teens at night & today we get above freezing. I am ready for the heat wave!!!
Susie
Moderator in Chronic Pain & Psoriasis Forums

iPoop
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Aug 2012
Total Posts : 12727
   Posted 1/3/2018 2:07 PM (GMT -6)   
As we all know from chronic illness (and depression no less of a chronic illness itself), that at times we must speak up for ourselves, be our own best advocate for what we need to be well. Keep after them, be insistent that you need a treatment plan to help you overcome everything you've been through (and that's a lot, nobody could walk through it easily)! We never should need to be a hornet in anybody's ear, however, more often than not we MUST do exactly that in order to get what we need to be well!

The deep freeze is something else on this side of the pond. Yesterday morning it was -22 Fahrenheit (-30 Celsius) on my drive to work; brutally cold. Today's a break, but this Saturday is going to be just as darn cold with high's below zero again. I bet the UK is delightfully balmy in comparison over there. Take a stroll in your nearby park and enjoy the warm for us! It's like that Disney movie Frozen over here, my shed-lock was frozen solid, plumbing vents on the roof were clogged with ice/snow, and so on. Lots of snow lately too, some last night with more to come tomorrow! Nice to ski and sled from my doorstep though and we've done that on more than a few occasions lol (it's hate it or play in it, and I choose to play).
Moderator Ulcerative Colitis
John
, 39, UC Proctosigmoiditis
Rx: Remicade @5mgs/kg/6wks; daily 75mgs 6MP, 4.8g generic-Lialda, and rowasa

Does the 5-second-rule apply to soup?

Post Edited (iPoop) : 1/3/2018 12:11:48 PM (GMT-7)


NiceCupOfTea
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 10555
   Posted 1/3/2018 7:32 PM (GMT -6)   
The group went a little better today. Foot-in-mouth guy wasn't there, so a few other people managed to get in a word edgeways. However, I'm shattered from lack of sleep and desperately need to catch up. For some reason my stomach has been killing me the past two nights. Tonight my stomach resembled the scene from Alien when the alien is trying to burst out of John Hurt's chest, but luckily nothing actually burst out. I took some codeine and had an extra-long shower (the hot water on my stomach helped).

@Poppie - You are right about me needing to cultivate new relationships. I'm starting to fall asleep at the laptop now, so I'm gonna go to bed, but over the next few weeks I will give joining groups some thought - I am meant to be starting an art class at a day centre, but not heard anything back about that yet.

@iPoop - So cold. Brrrr... >.>
Dx Crohn's in June 2000. (Yay skull)
Tried: 5-ASAs, azathioprine, 6MP, Remicade, methotrexate, Humira, diets.
1st surgery 20/2/13 - subtotal colectomy with end ileostomy.
2nd surgery 10/7/15 - ileorectal anastomosis. Stoma reversed and ileum connected to the rectum.
Current status: Chronic flare. Do I have any other kind?
Current meds: 50mg 6MP; Entyvio (started 3/11/16)

iPoop
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Aug 2012
Total Posts : 12727
   Posted 1/3/2018 8:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Try what you can to socialize (i understand it being hard with a depression) but if you look there might be community events available to all: art class, cooking class, book club, plays, music, any crafts that might interest you (adult coloring, if you knitt/crochet/ needlepoint/etc). Here, there's often free, regular classes at our local library. I've gone to learn about gardening tips, composting vegetable scraps, raising chickens among other things of interest. Often there's game nights, trivia, board and card games etc.

And animals are always fun to volunteer to work with. Got to be humane societies or other similar things who can use a helping hand.
Moderator Ulcerative Colitis
John
, 39, UC Proctosigmoiditis
Rx: Remicade @5mgs/kg/6wks; daily 75mgs 6MP, 4.8g generic-Lialda, and rowasa

Does the 5-second-rule apply to soup?

Post Edited (iPoop) : 1/3/2018 7:01:21 PM (GMT-7)


clo2014
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2015
Total Posts : 881
   Posted 1/4/2018 12:27 AM (GMT -6)   
NCOT,

I am glad that you are trying so hard. It is difficult to cultivate new relationships. I am sure that you can do it. I too go to the library to learn about new subject matter and make friends. I even went to a quilting meeting once. Liked the quilting but didn't find anyone in the group to relate to....but it opened the door and it was easier the next time. I think the hardest part is opening yourself up and not losing patience with some of the people.

Hang in there!
Clo
06/12-07/14 symptoms start, no diagnosis.12/14 diagnosed UC & diverticulitis. 01/15 hosp- fistulas, DX changed to Crohns, 02/15 developed new skin rashes, eye problems and painful joints 06/15 Hosp.2x again.. new specialist.Said was worse case he's seen. 7/16 hosp 5mm Stricture stricturplasty to 15 mm.09/16 colostomy. Meds: Remicade, methtrexate, prednison,folic acid, vit D, calcium, pro biotic,

Poppie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2014
Total Posts : 2140
   Posted 1/4/2018 11:10 AM (GMT -6)   
When I lived in the UK, Surrey (not far from where you live now) I volunteered to work for 'Help the Aged' No one seems to be that interested in old folk, they often get neglected. What it meant was visiting old folk in their homes. Once you do that a few times it really puts any problems you might have 'on the backburner' as these old people are often VERY lonely and housebound that they look forward to seeing you once a week and chatting. They often have some great stories to tell, and you make them a cup of tea and usually stay an hour or more. I had three old people that I visited and it is very rewarding.

I think dog walking/sitting is a great idea as well. If you can get as many different things happening for you each week I am optimistic that you might one day start to feel happier.
Samantha
Stopped smoking Jan 2013. Diagnosed Left sided UC, 8th Feb 2014.
Gluten, Dairy, Sulfite, Salicylate, and Histamine intolerant.
Home FMT treatment in July 2016 to ward off reoccurrence of C DIfficile.
Failed Pentasa, Azathioprine and finally Methotextrate due to allergies/intolerance. Taking Humira. Have finally come off Prednisone Yay!!!
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