I'm afraid I still
haven't got my Stelara. I never did hear back from either the hospital or delivery company, and I never got in touch with them. I know I'm not acting sensibly, but I cannot deal with chasing things up at the moment. It always ends badly. For example, I've had cystitis for a few weeks, which I've been treating with a combination of CanesOasis sachets and ibuprofen, but it keeps on returning. On top of that, I've had chest pain and nausea for the last 3 nights. So I did the thing I most dreaded this morning and called up my GP practice. There weren't any appointments available - there never are anymore. I couldn't even arrange to get a call back from a duty doctor; I was told to bring in a urine sample. Bear in mind I haven't seen ANY GP, let alone my regular GP, once this year: in just 4 years this practice has gone from being good to unusable. I was so annoyed, I went online and gave it a 1 star review on google. Nobody will see it or care, but it made me feel briefly better. Primary healthcare has been ruined in England now - I don't have any doubt about
I also had a bad experience with my counsellor. A few weeks ago I missed an appointment with her. It was a pure accident - I just forgot. To cut a long story short, she alert
ed the mental health team, who then massively overreacted. Somebody came to my flat and rang the doorbell loads of times. Eventually my mum called me in distress, saying that they had phoned her and said they were going to call the police if I didn't get in touch. Absolutely ridiculous. The whole episode stressed me out and I must admit it was still on my mind when I finally saw the counsellor last week - especially as she herself had left half a dozen messages on my phone. The session did not go well. I was in a bleak and dark mood, and did not feel like talking. She irritated me by copying what I had just said, even to the extent of copying my tone. I *had* indicated I didn't like this in an earlier appointment, but obviously she had forgotten. I snapped at her to stop copying me. She agreed, but seemed to take it personally and got quite defensive. She then spent the rest of the session summarising what I had said and making it a point to demonstrate that she was NOT copying me by changing a word here and there. Which was almost as annoying.
I'm not sure what benefit I'm getting from counselling to be honest. The sessions which have gone well are the ones in which I've been in a better mood, but that seems counterproductive to me: I need the most help when I'm at my lowest ebb. But I don't feel like talking is doing anything for me anymore, if it ever did. I just repeat myself endlessly, because my life and my thoughts are so boring. But I don't feel like I'm getting any insights back - just my own words repeated back to me in various ways, which is completely pointless because I already live in my head 24/7 and nothing I say is news to me. Is this what all counselling is like? I've thought about
paying for a few sessions of EDMR, but that apparently works better for one large, single-focus trauma rather than lots and lots of smaller ones spread out over many years.
Anyway, so yeah. Writing this has knackered me out. I'll have to decide what to do about
this wretched Stelara. Incidentally, I picked up an interesting leaflet today from a mental health charity. It was about
making accommodations for patients with mental illness and had a section on GP surgeries. If ever I have the energy to write a letter of complaint to my GP practice, I may use their recommendations as a basis.
Goodnight folks :p
@Matthew - I saw it! It's my bedtime now (always takes far longer to write a post than I think it's going to), but I will reply tomorrow.
Dx Crohn's in June 2000. (Yay )
Tried: 5-ASAs, azathioprine, 6MP, Remicade, methotrexate, Humira, Entyvio, diet.
1st surgery 20/2/13 - subtotal colectomy with end ileostomy.
2nd surgery 10/7/15 - ileorectal anastomosis. Stoma reversed and ileum connected to the rectum.
Current meds: 50mg 6MP; Stelara (started 15th July '19)