Lower than a snake's belly...

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 2082
   Posted 8/16/2007 8:27 AM (GMT -7)   
I've really been having a time with depression lately.  Between the stress in my household and trying to deal with this disease, it's getting to me.  I'm so very tired.
I've become a bit incontinent lately with my fistula.  It's decided to become "Old Faithful" if I have sudden watery diarrhea.  Sudden being the operative word--I'm not getting any warning that this is going to happen.  This started about a month ago.  I know, I know, I'm off all my CD meds.  I could no longer tolerate the side effects of what I'd been on for the last decade and I can't afford our deductible and copays for Remicade treatments.  I'm not the only one with medical problems and there's only so much money.  And who knows whether it would work or not anyway.
I have no friends to talk to about this.  Heck, I have no friends!  Oh well.  Just needed to whine.
48 yr. old. Ileocolitis.  CD since early teens, misdx'd until age 36.  Hemicolectomy-left side in 2001.  Disease returned in 2003. Arthritis, episcleritis, chronic pain due to surgeries (nerve damage, adhesions) and disease.  Recently dx'd scoliosis.  History of endometriosis.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 1986
   Posted 8/16/2007 9:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Maybe it's time to seriously think about surgery.

You can't afford Remicade (been there, couldn't afford Humira), your fistula will not going to get better without drugs, and you're incontinent and depressed.

Maybe it's time to get an ostomy, temporary or permanent depending on what your surgeon thinks, to divert everything, give your fistula a chance to heal, and at least not worry about leaking through it, and possibly put you in remission for a couple/few (or more) years.

I know surgery is a last resort, but you sound like you've had it with medications as treatment.

If you need someone to talk to, give me a shout. My e mail is in the box to the left.
25+years diagnosed with CD. 
Numerous surgeries, permanent ostomy, adverse reactions to Remicade still on Prednisone (my worst enemy), Finally had another surgery hoping for a long remission. 

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 8/16/2007 10:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Sorry you are feeling so low. Have you applied for prescription assistance? Can you see your doc for more ideas? Please at least try to get in to a counselor to manage your depression. And of course, if you are just venting and need an ear, we are here!
25 Year old married female.  Diagnosed w/ CD 2 years ago, IBS for over 10 years before that, which was probably the CD.
I started getting a ton of junkmail after putting my myspace profile link on here.  Im taking it off but if you want to contact me just email me and Ill give you a link to my myspace.  Sorry!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 4527
   Posted 8/16/2007 5:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jasanne Just wanted to let you know that I'am listening and my thoughts are with you the Rem. does help with fis. so maybe you should keep trying to get it .You sure do have a few other things there to deal with. I feel depression sets in when we let it in so give it the boot. I think the best way sometimes is to think our way out of it with different ideas.So what kind of stress are you having in your household? I have quite litterally gone to the birds bought in large bags of feed yesterday and made a water feeder out of an old fish tank. So I make things and do things that give me as little depression as possible. Noone should let it get that way for long .lol gail

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 3042
   Posted 8/16/2007 5:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jasanne, You have friends here. I now its hard sometimes dealing with this DD. We will always be here
for you.
Hi, I am teddybearweiser, I am a male.
I was diagnosed with crohns disease when i was admitted to the hospital
in 1992, in Jan of 1993 I was back in the hospital for surgery for my crohns. I had part of my right colon resectioned with ilecolonstomy.
 My GI doctor has me on Asacol, Dicyclomine,Imuran,Celebrex and Remicade. B-12 injection once a month.
My Internest doctor has me on Lisnopril-HTCZ and Folic Acid. Diagnosed
with Osteoarthritis July 2007

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 183
   Posted 8/16/2007 6:10 PM (GMT -7)   
I understand about not having any close friends too and being depress. This disease makes me social ignorant in making new friends. As for not having enough money for your co pay for your deductible or remicade. My sister was in the the same situation. She could pay her $200 a month co pay for humaria monthly. She was approved for assistance. I could find out more info for you if your needing help!

Hemi and Fissure surgery that developed 2 abcess deep in my left cheek, by my rectum...(oh how fun!) Medication: Asacol 12 pills a day, Immuran 200 mg, Welchol 4 pills a day for diarhea

Pregnant for my second baby that is due Nov. 1, 2007

Thank God for my adorable daughter, who makes me smile
<FONT color=red>everyday!

Nana CC
Regular Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 121
   Posted 8/16/2007 6:30 PM (GMT -7)   
We are all here for you. This is such a wonderful place to feel supported and be understood. I know I have depression and am new to this area and know nobody except my family and can't say to much at work don't want them to know how sick I really am for fear they will find a reason to fire me. I use this site often for support, so if there is anything I can do to support others just let me know. Just remember it will get better, sometimes it just can't get any worse. Keep us updated on how your doing.
Diagnosed 4/07 with Crohn's after hospital stay. Meds: Asacol, Librax, Azathioprine, Prednisone, Prozac, Buspar, and Xanax and percocet PRN.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 2082
   Posted 8/17/2007 8:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you all for the kind words and thoughts. That's what makes this place so great.

As to what's going on in my life that's triggered this, it's hard to explain. For one, depression (not the blues) seems to run in my family. Serious, suicide-inducing-type depression (my sister). I fought this many years before and won that battle thinking I'd never have to deal with it again. I don't know when it started back, but it's been lurking for years. It really went into high gear this year. As with many people, there are more things than one that contributed to it and it's just snowballed.

As for the Remicade, we are some of those who have insurance, but the deductibles are very high. I've been told my rheumatologist that I might still qualify for assistance from Centecor, but I'd still have to pay for the infusions, and that's more than the drug. We've barely been breaking even with the meds and doctor bills we already pay for. That fact hasn't helped my depression, but it's only one of a very long list of things.

It's really crazy, but something that happened to me in childhood that I never really dealt with has come back to bite me. I'll just say that it was a type of abuse from a family member (not a parent), and it wasn't something that I had "blocked out" or anything. But one day back in the winter or spring, I became so grieved, not for me as an adult, but for that little girl of long ago who had not been protected against this terrible thing. It's crazy I know, but something in the present triggered it, and I'm just trying to process it all.

I know you all would say to get counselling, but good counsellors are few and far between in my rural area. My experience with counselling has not been anything to brag about. I was sent into counselling once because my dr. thought my gut problems were all in my head. Hmm. Back then I also tried my pastor and found that things said in private may end up in a sermon as a "someone once told me..." moment.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. -Joy
48 yr. old. Ileocolitis.  CD since early teens, misdx'd until age 36.  Hemicolectomy-left side in 2001.  Disease returned in 2003. Arthritis, episcleritis, chronic pain due to surgeries (nerve damage, adhesions) and disease.  Recently dx'd scoliosis.  History of endometriosis.

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 222
   Posted 8/17/2007 8:56 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm so sorry to hear about the struggles you are facing. Your depression is obviously more than the blues and don't feel bad if you can't "shake it off" so to speak. I don't know what to tell you since I have never struggled with such serious depression. I have a friend that has gone to the doctor and gotten some medication to "take the edge" off. Not neccessarily long term but for a few months so that she could get things into perspective. It is just a thought. I will keep you in my prayers. I hope that you can find someone to talk with. Perhaps if you are still attending church you could find someone there - not the pastor but another women.
Living with Crohns for 1 year. I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful little girls.
One blessing that came with my Crohns: I thank God for each day that I can get out of bed and take care of my girls and my home.

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