debating about what to do now...long (sorry for going off on a tangent

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2527
   Posted 8/23/2007 1:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello everyone,
Today when I called my job to let them know dates of dr appts I have in Sept since the schedule is made up the month before I wanted them to know my conflicts which they have been good about in the past remicade etc.  I was informed that due to my limitations I will have (only limitations would be until Sept 20th then back to full duties) to find employment elsewhere.  They said that they are fully staffed this after asking me earlier in the week for a letter from my Dr listing my limitations...I told them about the 20 lb weight limit and the no mopping or vacuuming the animal hospital for a few weeks.  I applied for unemployment today online and I have to call them tomorrow to inform them that I am still getting TDI but just til the end of August this way they dont somehow overlap payment.
My nan is still not doing well she was placed on Hospice and they figure she wont be with us much longer maybe a week or 2.  With my papa finally realizing my nan wont be going home and that she maybe has 2 weeks left he actually mentioned to my folks about Eric and I moving in with him.  At first I was like no way he will be 80 and we are still newlyweds.  Eric called me from work and it does make sense to move in there it is a 3 story cape house (1 family) with a 2 car garage detached on 1/4 or 1/2 acre ( i cant remeber which) and this happened before the work thing.  This would give him company, we could split utilities, we wouldnt have rent to pay ...right now we pay 775 and my dresser cannot fit in out bedroom with our full size bed.  We would definitly want cable and internet and this house would need to be wired for that which he and I would take care of 100% and papa would get cable free on his tvs too since we get digital cable.
The floor plan is pretty spacious the basement has 2 rooms one half is where the boiler, washer/dryer, cedar closet, and shelving units are.  The other half of the basement (actually still has lots of my stuff in those plastic bins from when my ex and I got divorced and I moved out and had lots of stuff and no where to put it besides there.  This room has a tile floor (there is a subpump down there due to some minimal flooding with severe storms) it is a large open room which is like a family room.  It has a bar and the 1/2 bath.  The main floor has 2 bedrooms (one is his and the other use to be my moms and it still has a bed in the room as well as dressers full of my nan and papas stuff).  There use to be a screened in room which a while back they turned it into a small denwith a half wall dividing  into a needs some updating but what doesnt lol.  there is also the full bath on this level and a living room, they still have old fashioned furniture in here...well not too old sometime in the 70s maybe or before.  In this area there are stairs that lead up to the top floor.  This floor consists of 2 bedrooms which are now basically walk in closets for my nans stuff (she has many clothes but in the past few yrs she has stuck with the same few outfits). 
After she passes my mom and I are going to go thru her stuff and as far as clothes and shoes (all 3 of us have the same size foot) figure out what we want to keep as far as clothes and shoes.  Me being the animal lover that I am has no desire in her full length Mink coat and my nana had bought 1 for my mom the same day she got hers.  My mom would like to give that to my aunt (my dad's sister-in-law) she has been through all of this with us being there multiple times a week hopefully it will fit her.  As far as jewelry, my nan has lots she even has my old wedding rings from my 1st marriage.  My mom wants to keep all the jewelry in the family which I agree, she wants to pick out something for my godfather's wife (I call him uncle and her just by her first name they are great friends of the family with no blood relation at all).  My godfathers wife is an amazing woman, she is a nurse (she still keeps up her license hoping her health will get better enough again so she may return to practicing even as an in home nurse.  She worked as a pediatric ICU nurse as well as a military nurse, she came to see me everyday when I was in the hospital these last few times and my godfather actually met her not too long before I was Dx and she went to all the tests with me when I was 8 and scared. 
I hate having to think this way about my nan but I know it is coming and no matter how you prepare for it it still hurts.  My papa actually mentioned us moving in with him to my folks the other day.  It was brought to my attention yesterday.  My reaction was how about a cat when my dad informed me about the situation.  They have been married 58 years and he has never been living alone ever (1 of 8 chldren), granted he was the chef, did the laundry and the housework.  More things as she declined of course.  My husband and I want kids in the next yr or 2 and if we move there things will be easier with no rent, we would split bills of course and pay 100% of cable and internet since he has no interest in it. 
We are debating the offer now more than ever especially since this afternoon I was layed off over the phone due to my TDI and 3 weeks of limited duty I would have.  We would live in the larger of the 2 rooms upstairs, the other maybe a PC room for a while then turn it into a nursery when the time would come.  Eric even said if we live there you wouldnt even need to work, which I would but when a baby arrives I could work part time.  Also a few houses up the road is my nans brother and sis in law and she watches children in her house for some income (she is in her 60's and 13 yrs younger than him).  Her daughter also runs a daycare out of her home (next town over) which would be helpful too.  My papa would have to get use to 2 cats in the house (I take 100% care of them...they are the only good thing I got out of my last marriage). 
I know this type of living condition can be unhealthy but in our situation maybe it is best?
What do you think (eric and my 2nd anniv is in Oct) I am afraid of our intimate times being at my papas house though.  when we came back from California we lived with my parents for about 10 months and sex was rare being that there were others in the house,  Eric assures me that this would not be the case here but who knows. 
What would you all do in this situation?  If we decide to go for it we need to inform our landlord by the 1st to give him a months notice. 
Dx with Crohn's 1987, symptoms as early as 1984.
Temp iliostomy February 2007, reversed June 2007, Ovarian cysts, migraines, allergies (incl food allergies) , oral allergy syndrome (diff than true food allergies), Asthma, Gall Bladder removed 1999, Inguenal hernia 1987

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 8/23/2007 2:08 PM (GMT -7)   
I think it sounds like a great idea. I think it sounds like a win-win situation for all. Help you guys save money and keep Papa company too. I don't think Papa will be a problem for your intimate times. Most elderly don't have very good hearing, so I think you should be okay. Let us know what you decide, I know its a big decision.
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 32 years.  Currently on Asacol, Prilosec 60 mg, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain and Calcium.  Resections in 2002 and 2005.  Recently diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and doing tests to see if I have Inflammatory Arthritis or AS.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2527
   Posted 8/23/2007 2:25 PM (GMT -7)   
I am leanig toward it granted some ground rules would need to be established by all parties. My dad keeps pushing as a no since for example if you dont eat breakfast (which my husband never does and I rarely do and if I do it is rarely at home) he will ask mult times why we didnt eat breakfast. Also since my divorce with my ex back in 2003 I have rarely gone to church, with all I have been through it is hard for me to go I still pray and all just cant get myself to attend, on certain holidays I will with family. He attends mass every week and watches mass on tv as well. He may not like that we dont attend.

If we do move in with him his benefits from it would be not being alone, split costs of bills such as electric, oil (for heat), water and sewer bills (ugh forgot about those never had to pay those before due to living in apts or with my parents), and gas. He would end up with cable (for an extra few bucks he could have digital like we have now just additional for the box and remote). When we wouldnt be home the cats would.

I wish the house had 1 more shower though but 3 people in 1 house isnt bad as far as that goes. I kinda wish for a separate kitchen too or at least another fridge but we could always buy one and place it in the basement up on something so it wouldnt get wet. we have a stackable washer and dryer here and he has 2 separate units but they are older so we would keep ours not use them tho but have them as backup.

Maybe this way if we do live there he would put my name on the house and heaven forbid he end up in a NH and the whole take the house away thing couldnt happen due to us actually living there too. My mom is seeing a lawyer about elderly affairs as far as gifting money and placing other names on the house. she already got power of attorney over financial and medical decisions for my nana. We have about a week and a half to decide before we would have to tell the landlord. Maybe write down pros and cons and go through ground rules that each of us have, ex: how we park so no one gets blocked in (2 car garage but he has 2 and we have 2...driveway can only fit 2 so 4 cars is fine but placement of where we park would have to be determined. Also mealtimes like we may not eat when he does or have the same meal he does, figure out laundry days, housework schedule, privacy...I wont get into more there, % of bills payed by all parties etc
Dx with Crohn's 1987, symptoms as early as 1984.
Temp iliostomy February 2007, reversed June 2007, Ovarian cysts, migraines, allergies (incl food allergies) , oral allergy syndrome (diff than true food allergies), Asthma, Gall Bladder removed 1999, Inguenal hernia 1987

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 4527
   Posted 8/24/2007 3:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Certainly sounds interesting moving and I am sure your Papa would love the company Maybe that's what you need in your life now and perhaps it would keep your Mom busy too helping you. At least Eric certainly sounds interested in the idea. I know it is painful about your Nana but she has lived a long and probably happy life you however have years ahead of you .lol gail

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 8/24/2007 12:09 PM (GMT -7)   
I think it sounds like a great idea. My hubby stayed w/ me and my parents for a couple months before he started the police academy. He couldn't find an apartment w/o a lease. He was only my fiance at the time but it worked out great and we saved so much money. Don't worry about the intimate times. Where there is a will there is a way. Sometimes the sneaking around adds to the spark. When you are on your own it is less of a priority but when you have to seize the moment you are always thinking about it. Plus no one says it has to be permanent. Give it a try and if it doesn't work out, get back out there on your own. I just think it sounds like the perfect solution while you are between jobs.
25 Year old married female.  Diagnosed w/ CD 2 years ago, IBS for over 10 years before that, which was probably the CD.
I started getting a ton of junkmail after putting my myspace profile link on here.  Im taking it off but if you want to contact me just email me and Ill give you a link to my myspace.  Sorry!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1642
   Posted 8/24/2007 2:55 PM (GMT -7)   
I would give it a try too. You could make it temporary. Maybe even tell your papa that it might just be for a short time.

Good luck!


Karen (Karendee)

Diagnosed w/ Crohn’s Disease  March 2007 On Azathioprine (generic Imuran), Pentasa, & ENTOCORT

Diagnosed w/  Fibromyalgia May 2007 also on Cyclobenzaprine (generic of Flexeril)

Also taking Multivitamins, B Vitamis, Biotin, and Extra Folic Acid. (might add more when I do more research)

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