I know where you are coming from. I wrote a letter several months ago about this to my family. I talked about how I didn't want people to tell me that 'it could be worse' or 'there are always people who have it worse than you' because I don't think my live is dependant on someone else's vaule of theirs. In that, I mean, I don't think it's mutually exclusive. I don't think that just because I have a good life, someone else must have a crummy life. It's just that this is MY life. My ONE chance around. And I'm just a little sad about this hand I've drawn. And I refuse to feel guilty about that.
People keep telling me how strong I am. That's really not the case. I tell them that if the world could've stopped for me, I would've made it. The only reason I've got this far is because life went on. I've done many, many things and had many, many moods and motivations regarding my illnesses...none of them are indicitive of strength. Time just kept marching on...I didn't have a choice but to follow.
No, this isn't the same face that looked back at me two years ago. I'm a different person than what I ever dreamed of. But I still like who I am. Crohn's and all. I have Crohn's, I will always have Crohn's, and if a doc was to take that away from me...I'd probably go nuts now!! (As some of you know!)
It is a part of me. My illnesses are a constant companion in my life and are present in every meaningul relationship. No, I don't let them rule my life, but they're in it regardless if I want them there, and they need to be given attention. I've adapted my life to these illnesses...I had no choice!! But they are now a part of me, and will always be.
I'm not saying that I accept what I have, but I do accept who I am...and that includes the good with the bad. Just like my red hair, my long toes, my uber-pale skin, my laugh that sounds just like my sister and mother, my Irish heritage, my Cherokee heritage, my parent's daughter, Matt's fiancee who will be his wife in less than two months, my friends' friend...Crohn's, gastroparesis, arthritis, and IBS are a part of who I am.
It's a balance, I think. But it works for me.
Best to you,