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depression and crohn's

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Crohn's Disease
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Posted 9/25/2007 4:45 PM (GMT -8)
confused  My boyfriend has Crohn's. Last week he had another outpatient treatment of Remicaid. He has been very emotionally upset, and has suddenly pulled away from me. He says his symptoms are worsening, and says he is depressed.  I have urged him to see his doctor regarding his depression, realizing that anyone with a chronic disease is going to have some issues with this.  Is there anything I can do to reach out to him about this...I am trying to give him space...I am confused.
Posted 9/25/2007 5:31 PM (GMT -8)
Hi binot, maybe I can help.
My boyfriend and I have trouble with this. With my current situation I have pretty much been homebound for the past 3 months, which at 20 years old is not so much fun. When there is nothing to do but sit/lay around and watch tv or something else, i do believe depression sets in ( I don't know if this is the case with your boyfriend). My boyfriend tries to tell me what to do sometimes concerning my disease, i.e. to go to a doctor, what to eat..etc. A lot of times I think, well in my case I think he doesn't understand the pain I go through. Not just the being home alone all the time, but the actual physical pain that I experience every day. No matter how much he wants to understand, he never will fully understand what this disease is like..because he doesn't have it. I have just recently been diagnosed and at first I was having a hard time dealing with being 20 years old and finding out that this disease that had caused so much physical and emotional pain for me already was something I was going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. He kept telling me to be strong, but for me the thing was that even though he was here and wasn't leaving, that at any point in time he could WALK AWAY and not have to deal with it anymore. No matter how strong I was or what I did, this disease was with me forever. And even though I want him to be happy and do all the things he wants to, its really hard to see him going out and having fun (and eating whatever he pleases) while i'm stuck at home incase I have to run to the bathroom (which at this point still cause me lots of pain). Because of all this, I started to pull away from my boyfriend and would become angry at him for really no reason. We've talked a lot about it though, and even though he will never fully understand what I'm going through, he is there to help and I don't need to push him away. And as my medicines have started working I am able to get out and do more things which makes me feel a million times better. I guess a lot of people when they first learn that a loved one has chrons are so concerned with getting him/her physically well, that they sometimes forget that there are emotional impacts too. Ofcourse your situation is probably completely different then mine, I just thought maybe sharing my story might help you out. Sorry if its a little scattered. If you have any questions, feel free to ask! Good luck!
Posted 9/26/2007 4:29 AM (GMT -8)
I can understand your plight. I am 52 and have suffered w/crohns for 30 years. I have been home for over a year because I have uncontrollable diahrrea and also arthritis in my hips. I go to the bathroom all day so my rectal area is always sore. Even though my stool is loose; it still feels like razor blades coming out. I get depressed staying home most of the day alone. I feel guilty that my teen age son is suffering also because of my limited activities. I started seeing a therapist last year on the suggestion of one of my managers at work and I'm glad that I did. I had never talked about my disease to anyone other than my doctors and once I began seeing a therapist, it became easier for me to talk to others about what I was going through. I can relate to your being depressed staying in alone all day. I go through the same thing but try to stay busy doing things to keep me from going into a pity party. I count my blessings because I know it could be worse. Maybe you should seek professional therapist to talk to about your depression. It's only normal for us to be depressed with all of the medical and physical problems that we have. It angers me that people do not understand just how traumatic this disorder is. You try to look and act normal on a good day and then you end up having an accident or letting out horrific smelling farts in public. That alone can crush your self-esteem.
I hope you can get some help from therapist or just keep coming on to this site to talk about how you feel. There are thousands of us going through the same pain and can hopefully talk you through your down times. I know it has helped me.
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