Comments by patients during Colonoscopies

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Tool Man
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Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 12/5/2007 6:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Colonoscopies are no joke , but these comments during the exam are quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following were actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their 
colonoscopies :

1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

5. "You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married."

6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."

8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!

10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

12. "God, now I know why I am not gay."

13. "Should I smile for my Kodak Moment?"

And the best one of all...

14. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 4363
   Posted 12/5/2007 8:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Not bad, although I have to admit, I'm a little paranoid about what I might have said during my colonoscopies!
48 yr. old female, diagnosed with Crohn's Sept-Oct. 2007

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 3200
   Posted 12/5/2007 8:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Brilliant. Even my husband liked the one about leaving a note for his wife......

Too many years with CD
Two bowel resections, several obstructions.

Laughter is the brush that sweeps the cobwebs from our hearts

Terry in Virginia
New Member

Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 12/5/2007 8:57 AM (GMT -7)   
These are really funny -- thanks for posting.

I always ask the doc to give me EXTRA sedative -- since I woke up in the middle of my first 2 colonoscopies. God knows what I might have said under the influence....

Terry in Virginia

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 12/5/2007 9:28 AM (GMT -7)   
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That was great, thanks for sharing.
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 32 years.  Currently on Asacol, Prilosec 60 mg, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain and Calcium.  Resections in 2002 and 2005.  Recently diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and doing tests to see if I have Inflammatory Arthritis or AS.

Elite Member

Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 10404
   Posted 12/5/2007 2:13 PM (GMT -7)   
My gastro once told me that it's really quite startling what people say under the influence of anaesthetic. Now I know what he means :-).

Thanks for that, Tool Man! I needed a laugh this morning.
Co-Moderator Crohn's Forum.

Glad Bag
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Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 699
   Posted 12/5/2007 3:57 PM (GMT -7)   
i always wanted to ask the doc right before he starts, "So doc...tell exactly does one get interested in this line of work?"

i just want to see the reaction on his/her face...
"The things that make us feel so abnormal, are actually the things that make us all the same" - from PostSecret: Extraordinary Confessions from Ordinary Lives - by Frank Warren

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1202
   Posted 12/5/2007 5:25 PM (GMT -7)   
i've always been worried about what I say too... last colonoscopy I had the nurse said afterwards that I would keep lifting my head and saying, "ouch, that hurts." But, somehow I doubt that's all I said! Oh well! This was a hilarious post! Thanks for the humor!

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 38
   Posted 12/5/2007 9:25 PM (GMT -7)   
This is a great post. I know that one of my colonoscopies I became combative and they really had to up the sedative for me. Looking at these comments makes me wonder what I said during mine.

Thanks for the chuckle.
Still not diagnosed. Problems since 2003

Current meds:
Prednisone 5mg every other day,
Donnatol 12.5mg as needed for cramping (doesn't help),
Prevacid 30mg daily


Other issues
Depression taking paxil 30mg daily
Injured Right knee with 2 failed surgeries
Herniated disc t11-t12 being treated


I am currently on disability for my knee awaiting retraining.

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 12/5/2007 10:03 PM (GMT -7)   
RF- my dad gets really combative on conscious sedation. His Navy training comes out. They found LOWERING the amount of sedation was way more effective in keeping him under control. You lose your inhibitions when sedated and by using less sedation they got his normal semi polite self back. Even still, his GI usually has a very large orderly in the room just standing there as my dad goes under.
26 Year old married female.  Diagnosed w/ CD 3 years ago, IBS for over 10 years before that, which was probably the CD.  Currently on Pentasa 4 pills/4x day, hysociamine prn, nexium, and ortho evra.  Good times!!!

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 26
   Posted 12/7/2007 11:21 AM (GMT -7)   
I remember that after my first colonoscopy, I came out of anesthesia and cried for my mom. The second time I starting coming out of anesthesia during the procedure and I remember my doctor telling the nurse I was moving too much and they drugged me up again.

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 12/7/2007 2:18 PM (GMT -7)   
I asked to nurse anesthetists that are friends of colleagues of mine what some of the funniest things they have heard were. One had a lady getting a colonoscopy waiving her hand behind her saying "cut it out ralph, not tonight." Another one had a very large fireman trying to make out with her and saying that she was so beautiful. The kicker is that she was 8 months pregnant at the time lol!! Those were her two favorites.
26 Year old married female.  Diagnosed w/ CD 3 years ago, IBS for over 10 years before that, which was probably the CD.  Currently on Pentasa 4 pills/4x day, hysociamine prn, nexium, and ortho evra.  Good times!!!

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