health questions and answers. (some warped humour)

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gemini kiwi
Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1136
   Posted 12/11/2007 7:33 PM (GMT -7)   

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise . Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables . So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit.Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening.... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable. It's the best feel-good food around!!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! !

Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 2346
   Posted 12/12/2007 7:04 AM (GMT -7)   
LOL! Thanks for posting those!

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 12/12/2007 7:06 AM (GMT -7)   
I like that diet. LOL
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 32 years.  Currently on Asacol, Prilosec 60 mg, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain and Calcium.  Resections in 2002 and 2005.  Recently diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and doing tests to see if I have Inflammatory Arthritis or AS.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1642
   Posted 12/12/2007 9:16 AM (GMT -7)   

that was great!!! thanks!

I love the one about swimming and whales!  The last one about being round is a shape, I actually say that one some times.



Karen (Karendee)

Diagnosed w/ Crohn’s Disease  March 2007 On 150mg Azathioprine (generic Imuran), Pentasa, & Entocort (take zofran for nausea now)

Diagnosed w/  Fibromyalgia May 2007 also on Soma

Also have Arthritis, and feel like I am falling apart sometimes...

Elite Member

Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 20577
   Posted 12/12/2007 11:35 AM (GMT -7)   
That was good for a laugh, but being an exercise fanatic myself...well I'm sure you know what my respons would be but I'm not going to ruin the humor in this one because it was funny.

My bum is broken....there's a big crack down the middle of it!  LOL  :)

gemini kiwi
Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1136
   Posted 12/12/2007 12:02 PM (GMT -7)   
I know what you mean, all that is so not me, however everywhere I go I see people kind of living that way and I wonder how they get away with it, do they get away with it or does it catch up with them eventually.?

Elite Member

Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 20577
   Posted 12/12/2007 12:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh YA, it most definitely will catch up one way or another...I use to always be thin, never had to work at it, I could eat what I wanted and as much as I wanted (which I surely did) and never gain an ounce let alone a I have to work at it, it caught up with me, even having crohns doesn't keep me in shape amazingly with all the yrs of "running" to the can...but I'm glad I exercise regularly, I had no idea the many other benefits from it there are (mentally and emotionally) and so much more.

Not to mention, I ate a ton of junk, a sugar junky if you will, and quite obviously that plays it's own role with health (not just weight)...I know many people still get crohns that have never or hardly ever touched junk food but hey, they havn't figured out all the triggers yet and we all know that CD is strongly linked to bacteria and sugar (along with processed foods) has it's link to bad bacteria.

It's so true that "you are what you eat"...(I learned that the hard way).

My bum is broken....there's a big crack down the middle of it!  LOL  :)

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