Hazer, my heart goes out too you, it really does.
I suffer with clinical depression along with CF, and get the same feeling of thinking everyone must think I'm seeking pity. Yesterday, I had yet another panic attack, when my sister-in-law joked that I must hate her, as I haven't been there in a while. I nearly burst into tears right there and then. She doesn't understand how things feel, she doesn't understand anything with her normal health and her normal job, and her normal life.
It's hard to get up in a morning and plant that smile firmly on your face, without sinking back into bed remembering how hard things are right now, and also how much you just don't want too deal with it today.
My advice is too speak to your GP, or even gypsy's CF nurse (obviously when gypsy isn't about
). Mention that you are finding it difficult. There is a lot of support for CF mum's, and they will understand. Another thing I suggest is, if you haven't already, look at www.cftrust.org.uk. They are the people who run the CF centers in UK and Ireland, and they have a seperate forum, just for parents of little people with CF. They may also be able too advise you of help the have had, and how too go about
There is no shame in how you are feeling right now and you aren't letting gypsy down, as it's hard being a parent, let alone one of a child with an illness. At least your there and not running away from her, like a lot of parents do (my dad for one).
I am of course here, to give any support you may need. If you just need too vent, talk, anything. I'll be here to listen/read.
Normal looking, is one of the best, but most annoying features of CF. I once had someone stood behind me, say I must only be on crutches to claim benefits like lots of other young people are these days, because I looked fine.
It took all my effort not too turn round and yell at her. The second on the list-is looking young for your age. I still cannot pass as being over 16, at aged 22, and know a lot of other people with CF like this!!!
I hope sharing these little stories of mine, are showing you that you are not alone, and that you can get through all the narrow minded people out there.
You do just learn too bite your tongue (very hard!) and ignore it.
Moderator of the Cystic Fibrosis Forums
Diagnosed with: Cystic Fibrosis, Asthma, ABPA, Clinical Depression, Mild Liver Cirrohsis, Mild Osteopenia, Erythema Nodosum. Waiting for final diagnosis on Muscular Dystrophy type symptoms.
Medication: Creon 10,000, Flucloxacillin, Vitamins A,D+E, Serevent, Salbutamol, Paracetamol, Ondansetron, Nefopam, Ursodeoxycholic Acid, Saline neb/PEP system, Mirtazapine,slow-sodium, Skandishake and Fresubin.
Had a Port-a-cath fitted on chest wall since Nov 05
Sometimes, I feel that I should go and play with the thunder-In The Shadows by The Rasmus