To anyone who may understand,
I recently became engaged to my fiancee...He has CF, and everything is great except lack of support especially from my mother and family..Any advice/suggestions would be appreciated...Thanks....
Are you really close to your mum? I'm having similar problems at the moment. Except it's me who has CF, not my partner.
When we first got together,my mum went ape. Even though I was still only 17, I wasn't living with her at the time. I'd moved into my mates flat, as I was fed up with my mum, and her attitude to everything. Well,my mum weren't best pleased. She hated my bf from day 1, and it was so hard, as I love him to pieces. I told him about my CF on our first date. He went and researched it rather than quizzing me, and I was amazed. He'd read all of the nasty facts about CF, and still wanted me.
After an argument one day though, over the net, then the phone with my mum. She came round to our house, that we'd just moved into. She suddenly went insane, and threw a plate at Paul. Mainly because he was still smoking, just not in the house or near me. I'd agreed to that. Well, the plate split open his knee, there was blood gushing everywhere and you could see the bone. yucky! My mum had to drive him to A+E, and yet paul was still there supporting me, stopping me from crying:P
Even then though, Paul was there for me. He realised it wasn't my fault, my mum is actually just insane.
We've been together 4 years in April. And my love for him will never change. We got engaged on my 18th, he was 23. We had a big party to celebrate. It was good, I met most of Paul's family, that I'd not met before, and he met mine. My mum must have told some right tales about me, as my family had pretty much ignored me up till that point. And weren't very talkative on the night.
Paul's mum went over to say hello to my mum, having not had a formal introduction. She explained who she was and everything, and was smiles galore. My mum decided it would be best just to snub her though, and stuck her nose up, and ignored her greeting, just mumbling. I heard about this, and the next person to be sent over, was Paul's aunty, exactly the same thing happened. Paul's family just told me to ignore it and enjoy my party so I did.
That September we were due to be getting married, and in barges my mum again. She talks me into cancelling it all, by pestering me everyday, for weeks. Kicking up a fuss because paul's mum was paying, so she didn't get a say on decs and stuff. She kicked up a huge fuss, and I'd had enough. I know now though, I should have carried through with the wedding.
Tomorrow, I'm having a birthday party, at Paul's mum's house, for my 21st birthday, which is on Tuesday. Were having it there, as 1, it's cheaper, 2 it's a huge house, and there used to doing parties, 3 because should I start to tire. I will have somewhere i can go to recharge out of the way.
3 guesses on who's refused to be there.......Yes, that's right my mother. She's got all upset as she wanted to arrange something for me, at a pub somewhere.
Yes, a pub, those smokey places, where noone has to smoke outside, like they will be doing at paul's mum's house.
So, none of my family are going to be at my 21st birthday party. Do I care though? I think not! All my mates are going to be there, all the people who really matter, especially my gorgeous fiance.
My mum's not talking to me right now, partly because I'm not upset that she's not gonna be at my party. The other reason, is because I snapped at her over the phone the other day, as she was going on and on about muscular dystrophy. Something I've already told her I don't want to know about until it's absolutely certain that that's what I have, as I don't wanna go worrying myself.
She says she wants to take me out for my 21st now, for a meal somewhere. I'm telling her no, as Paul won't be invited, I can guarentee that. Also, I can't be doing with her whinging and moaning about everyone and everything.
It's funny you know. What she doesn't realise yet, is my reception for the wedding were planning this year, is gonna be at Paul's mum's house. My mum's getting no say in anything at all for my wedding. She had a choice. She could have give me money like she'd been promising all year, for my wedding, so I could have held it a week after my 21st, like I wanted. But she decided to be clever and buy me vouchers for New Look, a shop I don't go in for starters. But she's done it so I can't get married. She's spoiling things for me big time. Which is why I've decided, that if she gets any worse, I'm actually disowning her. Only reason I haven't done yet, and put up with all this crap, is so when my 11 year old sister grows up, she has someone to escape to. Same goes for my brother, who is really struggling at home wth my mum at the minute.
I say we should just all ignore our parents, the more they upset, the more you ignore. They shouldn't get to decide on who you should and shouldn't marry, or even go out with.
The choice shoud be yours and yours alone.
TheGirlFriend said... Hi,
My BF who is 29 has CF and I just recently found out about it. He started keeping it to himself after being abandoned by friends as a kid. He has some insecurities about staying in a relationship- looking into marriage and kids knowing that his life is going to be cut short. I'd like to know if there are any girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, wives out there whether you have CF yourself or not- how do you cope, how do you support eachother and manage the disease as a couple?
We cope really well, although I do feel a lot of guilt for putting this burden on my bf.
I'm always giving him the option to leave, and at each new bit about my health, we have the same conversation.
I tell him it's got worse, and if he wants to, I won't stop him leaving. If it ever gets to much for him. He says he loves me though, and that the illnesses won't bother him, no matter how bad things get.
I feel guilty though, as I know he wants kids as much as me, but we've been trying for a few years now. And it'sjust not happening.
He still wants to get married, and aslong as it's what he wants, I'm fine with it. I've had dreams of marriage and kids since I was little.
I support my bf, and he supports me. It isn't a case of, I'm the ill one, he looks after me that's the end of it, like it is with a couple of mates of mine. He has his weaknesses, and gets more colds than me, if he needs the support he gets it, even if I'm feeling a bit off.
I know he's having a lot of trouble coping with stress right now, and has had to take time off work. With all my diagnosis's recently, it's getting a bit much for both of us.
I try to keep almost everything to myself, so he doesn't suffer. But it's hard for me to do that. And it ends up worse for him, when I have my big depression outbreaks, as I get snappy and teary, and he only ends up worrying more.
I love him to pieces, I really really do. And I never want him to leave me. He's like the other half of me, and I WILL be very lost without him. But I still feel guilty, that I've put this on him. Even though he's come into the relationship with eyes wide open, knowing everything. I think he's just crazy